What happens when a fake rancher does fake work for years and years? Eventually, he gets a fake injury, apparently!
Less than 24 hours earlier, Comrade Clayton’s soft, delicate hands were uninjured…
Why do I say “delicate and soft as baby shit”? Here’s how they looked on the day he signed his candidacy papers:
Not a scratch, scrape, ant bite, cut or callous to be found. Not even a speck of dirt under a fingernail.
Obviously not the hands of a “farmer.” Those are the hands of a fake rancher or fake grass farmer who spends all his time driving a hybrid wind-up toy truck around Texas and using grifted donations to pay for his semen-frothed mochaccinos at the Starbucks drive-thru!
So the question is: what is the injury, how did he do it, and who wrapped that hand?
It’s VERY shocking that Comrade Clayton hasn’t already made a breathless social media post about how it happened. After all, he’s like a teen girl and posts EVERY time he “gets hurt” on the fake ranch.
I know he didn’t do it trying to have sex with his farm animals, because he has been away from the “ranch” nonstop for the entire week.
The very gayest injury that might explain that ridiculous bandage is a “sprained wrist” which is the most effeminate injury I can think of. So that’s probably what it is. I’m guessing Mercer gets them too. It’s the limp wrist thing…
A deep cut that requires that level of wrapping? I’m guessing he’d freak out at that one and go to the ER – which would have resulted in multiple social media posts. He would have made it a “teaching moment” about how terrible the U.S. health industry is and how we need to be more like Canada – but he didn’t, so that’s out. Besides, how the hell would he cut the palm of his hand? Not like he was cooking a meal or butchering a rabbit.
Perhaps he hurt it in a game of Gay Chicken.
No, I’m guessing the “injury” was some tiny bit of pain that most of us would ignore but for which Comrade Clayton had Izzy the Baby Beluga go run to the store and grab an ACE bandage for him. That’s it. Then he’ll tell the dumb old ladies he hurt himself BAILING hay. LOL.
While I was on break, we were treated to this hilarious chain of retardation…
Straight men do not stand like that. Just saying. New Jersey housewives and homos do.
He even calls it a “set”!! Yet another Freudian slip by the vainglorious little turd. What is a “set” in movie parlance?
“It is a temporary, constructed environment that creates the setting for the story.”
Sounds about right.
Back around 1979, a young actor named Mark Hamil stood on a “set” in a Hollywood soundstage filled with fog machines, fake logs, rocks and swamp water. It also contained a small rubbery puppet controlled by Frank Oz which Mark Hamil talked to and called Yoda. It was all total fakery, of course. Complete and utter bullshit made to trick the minds of ten-year-old sci-fi nerds like myself. To us, it was the swamp planet “Dagobah” and was entirely convincing.
It also apparently works on shitlibs who support Clayton Tucker, because they ALSO have the brains of a 10-year-old and are fooled into thinking he’s a “rancher” when he is not. All thanks to the carefully crafted bullshit he posts.
Just like his tiny, faggy hybrid truck that can’t actually do any real ranch work. He just drives it all over Texas pretending to be a “rancher.” When he needed to actually move more than 100 pounds of shit, he had to borrow Dad’s REAL flatbed truck, as you can see in the photos below….
Five days ago was the first chance Comrade Clayton had to OFFICIALLY file to run for Ag Commissioner. He hasn’t said a word about doing so. I believe the filing period runs until December 5th. I’ll be contacting the Secretary of State and Board of Elections to get my hands on Comrade Clayton’s filing papers.
Watch out! Unqualified and ineligible Ag Commissioner candidate Clayton Tucker is angry, ya’ll! He’s using many curse words and said “ain’t” at LEAST three times in his latest video.
Reminder: Clayton is NOT a “working folk”
Ummm, the Big Beautiful Bill is a FEDERAL bill. It’s in Washington DC. It is voted on by U.S. Reps and Senators. You are running for STATE office. So why are you even blathering about this at all? Shouldn’t you be talking aimlessly about Texas shrimp labeling or something?
Listening to him try so hard to be a good-old-boy is the ultimate cringe. It’s like when Hillary and Kamala put on those ridiculous fake accents for whatever crowd they happen to be pandering to.
Pasty-white Clayton (who was was born in Georgetown to upper-middle-class parents, whose dad made a great living on government contracts as an aerospace engineer and who was handed a free $80,000 college education in political science before he became a Marxist “community organizer”) wants you to believe he is just a good-old, shit-kickin’, calf-ropin’, steer-wrestlin’, toilet-seat-in-the-back-yard having cowboy, ya’ll!
He also speaks fondly of his “two mini goats” and how he’ll be using them in a petting zoo. Both died long ago. Oops.
Not much of a “ranch” when you get right down to it. More like a failed hobby. I’d even make a wager that he has made MORE money by grifting on his recent “donations” page in the last 3 weeks than he EVER made as a “rancher.”
Well, well, well. The Clayton Tucker lies and exaggerations certainly go back a LOOOONG ways, don’t they? All the way back to around June and July of 2012, as it turns out!
I always knew the “water researcher” bullshit on his resume was complete and utter nonsense. He was a junior in college at the time, and the entire “program” lasted approximately 41 days – of which one week was spent “training” in Pittsburgh. Not exactly enough time to have the slightest clue about any subject – especially when everyone over there speaks Chinese.
It certainly sounds like there was no hard science in young Clayton’s college career. Just a bunch of political “science,” which isn’t science at all. You can read the article here:
Here’s my favorite part, where it basically admits this was all some “political science” bullshit and had absolutely nothing to do with any REAL research. Oh, and it was all in China.
In addition to the Chinese classes he has taken at Southwestern, Tucker said two other classes helped prepare him for the program. One was theTexas Politics Internship Program taught by Political Science Professor Tim O’Neill and the other was the Japanese Politics class taught by Political Science Professor Alisa Gaunder. Tucker said the Texas Politics class covered a lot about environmental policies in Texas…
The program began with a week of training at the University of Pittsburgh, and then participants headed to China June 20.
Tucker was assigned to apolitical science research team that included a political science professor from the University of Pittsburghand three other students − one from Middlebury, one from the University of Kansas, and one from Cornell. The team spent two weeks in villages along the Yellow River Corridor conducting research on the relationships between local economic development, overdependence on coal mining, the central government, and China’s water supply. Several Chinese students helped the team with conducting interviews, and finding and translating documents.
Wow. Sounds like hard-hitting research! A REAL LIVE political “science” professor was there to guide your research! Impressive. Now I see where his complete lack of anything grounded in facts, mathematics or hard science comes from. He never touched on any of that stuff in college. It was ALL political bullshit from day one.
Oh, also – Alisa Gaunder was educated at Berkeley, in case you are wondering where Comrade Clayton got his communist streak from.
I remember when I was in college, the three big joke majors were (1) political science (2) communications and (3) psychology. This was in 1988, before they had invented the current 27 joke majors like gender studies and all of that crap.
We did get another nice nugget from this article (and another):
Tucker said participating in the program has reinforced his interest in Chinese international relations and Taiwan issues.He hopes it will prove to be a good stepping stone to further studies in graduate school.
After graduating from Southwestern,Tucker hopes to attend graduate schoolin either Taiwan or China to study Mandarin.
Ah! Graduate school! Now THAT is something I definitely would have expected. The boy who wants to be a professional student forever, becoming more and more book learned in total bullshit subjects and getting letters after his name so he can labor under the delusion he’s super duper smart – and never having to get his hands dirty doing any real work.
I wonder what happened to that dream? Did good old Dad put his foot down on ANOTHER $80,000 in tuition wasted just to pad Clayton’s resume? Was he not smart enough to get in?
Whatever the reason, it is VERY clear that all this “fifth-generation” rancher bullshit was nowhere on the radar up until about four years ago when he realized he needed to put SOMETHING on the resume when he ran for office!
Here’s another blurb about his dreams a few years later…with no mention of ranching yet again!
Once a liar, always a liar. He’d be a great politician – if he could just get elected!!
Comrade Clayton sure does wear a lot of fake hats! First it was cowboy, then farmer and now rancher. But he added another fake feather to his cap: fake lobbyist!
This is from his annual postcard bragging about all the stuff he didn’t really do, like “protect folks from bad international trade deals,” as if he was some international envoy and the Biden administration was consulting him and using his vast knowledge of international business – which is possibly the most preposterous bullshit ever to come out of his mouth, considering he’s actually a 34-year-old under-employed loser who lives with his mom in Lampasas.
But even more alarming is his declaration that he “lobbied to pass new laws” to help family farmers and ranchers. Why is this alarming? Because if he ACTUALLY DID lobby anyone at the state or federal level (he doesn’t say which), then he is in big trouble. That’s because lobbyists are REQUIRED to register themselves as a lobbyist!
Unfortunately, there is no record anywhere I could find of Clayton Tucker being registered as a lobbyist!
The punishment for lobbying politicians without registering as a lobbyist can include significant civil fines, potentially reaching up to $200,000, depending on the jurisdiction and severity of the violation, and in extreme cases, could even involve criminal penalties like imprisonment….
So which is it, Comrade?? Do you admit you lied AGAIN about being something you are not (cowboy, farmer, water researcher, energy expert, ranch founder, lobbyist)? Or do you stick to your guns and get in big trouble for lobbying politicians without registering?
Damn! Innovation, marketing, hustle and a real website offering actual products combine to move beef products. Sounds awesome!!
In the other corner we have: fake grifter hobby rancher who puts hats on his goats for pictures. Crap website with non-existent fantasies like goat yoga. Spends his time begging for followers for his Substack, which is a giant mish-mash of shitty writing and retarded ideas….
As we begin a new year and our local socialist approaches his 34th birthday while still living at home with his mother, let’s all have yet another belly-laugh at his incredible hypocrisy:
Nobody actually advertises for $7.25/hr jobs, you fucking moron.
This is a lie, of course. It has nothing to do with “willingness” to pay a helper. It has to do with there not being enough work out there on grandpa’s pretend ranch to keep another person busy. Also, I doubt mom will pay for another person out there when Clayton has so much free time on his hands that he is able to go to 27 conventions and democrat pow-wows per year!
I can see it now:
“Mom! You need to hire someone else to help me take pictures of goats out there at grandpa’s property!”
Mouse-jiggling moron Clayton Tucker FINALLY posted on his Substack – something he hasn’t bothered with in about nine months. This was worth the wait, because it is filled with even more preposterous stories of his humble beginnings.
Previously he just lied about being a “fifth-generation rancher,” a cowboy, a farmer etc. In fact, he STILL doesn’t know if his family owns a ranch or a farm!
Despite the fact they “have always been a cattle family”…
So confusing!
He also mentions Sid Miller AGAIN. Which makes me 99.5% sure he is going to run for Ag Commissioner in 2025. I cannot wait!
But all of the above bullshit pales in comparison to his latest ridiculous whopper of a lie!
That entire paragraph makes no sense. It’s just commie blather and buzzwords.
Yeah, those cotton-pickin, squirrel-shootin Tuckers! I heard it was great-grandfather Jed Clampett Tucker who began the whole ranching business! You know, the “RX Ranch” ranching business that was founded five generations ago by Clayton himself but which didn’t even have an official name until last December. LOL!!
Now which grandfather was that? The grandfather you said was a pharmacist, so you called it “RX”? Or the OTHER grandfather who was in the military his entire life and whose obituary makes ZERO mention of any ranching – let alone cotton picking or scraping a living off the squirrel population??
What a shame. Grandpa Howard A. Tucker sounds like a decorated war hero and was a registered Republican. But his idiot grandson Clayton is busy trying to import communism into the very country his grandfather fought to keep it out of. What a total asshole.
Or is it the OTHER grandpa? Grandpa Bob who actually owns the property. I’m not sure how HE is the one who grew up in abject poverty since you said he was a pharmacist his entire life – thus the “RX” name, you utter clown.
Maybe you’re talking about GREAT grandpa Ollie Prentice Tucker? Ummm…that doesn’t work either! Looks like HE was a career Navy man as well – who died pretty young at age 58. Here he is in his uniform:
Not a cowboy hat or pitchfork too be seen! He must have taken off his coonskin cap for this photo.
[In fact, more than a few Tuckers dangling from the branches of your family tree dropped dead at a fairly young age. Something to think about as you keep injecting yourself with Covid “vaccines” every year!]
Could you have meant his wife, great-grandma Elizabeth? Mmmmm….no. Looks like she was a switchboard operator! Pretty high-tech shit for the early 1900s. I doubt she had time to pick the cotton or shoot any squirrels after finishing her non-physically-taxing, white-collar job for the day.
No Clayton, I’m afraid the ridiculous story of your poverty-stricken, sharecropping origins just doesn’t hold water at all. Yet another fabrication in preparation of you getting your ass kicked when you run for Ag Commissioner.
If you’re going back to the 1700s or 1800s to find a relative to make this “rough times” claim then I have news for you: EVERYONE was a fucking farmer 300 years ago, you clown. EVERYONE pretty much grew their own food back then and broke their back with manual labor. That’s how life was – the Tuckers weren’t special.
Here are the REAL facts: you are the only child of Terry Tucker (who had a cushy government job with the Railroad Commission of Texas) and Howard C. Tucker – who by his own admission on Facebook made a comfortable living in the aerospace industry! In fact, Comrade Clayton has sported a “Firefly” t-shirt once or twice – which is likely who his dad worked for at some point. And you know those giant “big, greedy” aerospace companies: always feasting on fat government contracts and selling $600 hammers to NASA! Yet Comrade Clayton NEVER mentions them in his ranting about greedy CEOs, does he?
You were the only child of TWO comfortably-employed parents – both of whom owe their paychecks to the taxpayer. They then paid around $80,000 for you to go to Southwestern University and collect a useless major in International Relations and THEN paid for you to go galivant around Asia with a fancy camera and pretend to be a kindergarten teacher for 9 whole months!
Forgets he is a rancher AGAIN!!
They have allowed you to live in their house EVEN TODAY as you approach your 34th birthday.
Right up to the moment you decided to run for office, you were just another baseball-cap wearing, tuba-playing, incel dork who lived with mom and believed in Bernie Sanders. You only invented all this “rancher” shit when you decided to try and glom onto a government position for a living.
Grandpa Bob Wright is the one who owns the land – perhaps purchased with his pharmacy wages, lol. You just go over there and play make-believe rancher a couple times a week and take photos for old ladies on Facebook.
In short, you’ve been handed every opportunity by doting parents as an only child. And you STILL can’t support yourself in the real world! Grandpa Howard must be spinning in his grave.
From coyotes to VultureBuzzards (TM) to parasites, local fake rancher and serial goat killer Clayton Tucker is always finding new and inventive ways to end the lives of his poor goats.
Yesterday he went for straight-up negligence and was maybe also trying for “hit by a car.”
Of course, he would never ADMIT to straight-up negligence, so he blamed the well-known nefarious KIDnapping (get it??) cartels that everyone knows operate in our area….
Dummy socialist loses goats after only 10 days.
[Yes – the clown who demands that healthcare be “free” and college be “free” has the temerity to call them HIS goats. Perhaps there was a fellow socialist in the area and he wanted a “free” goat! Who are you to deny him that?? To each according to his need, right? Of course, Clayton Tucker the socialist does not like having HIS property taken. How ironic!]
Yes, by all means – let’s get the police involved. The same police that radical lefties like Clayton Tucker were screaming to defund just four short years ago! I’m sure they have nothing better to do than deal with your dwarf goats.
The dwarf goats are a new part of his “ranching” operation. His business model is:
#1 – take pictures with cute baby goats (or new dwarf goats)
#2 – Post on Facebook
#3 – let quasi-retarded lonely old liberal cat ladies comment on how cute they are with heart emojis and rainbows.
Unfortunately, there is no “collect money and profit” step to his model, which is why he still lives with mom.
Anyways, the goats were found running around loose by none other than our intrepid City IT person – Acevedo! I guess nobody stole them after all! Tucker was just engaging in the favorite pastime of Lampassholes everywhere by losing his pet and then asking Facebook if anyone has seen them.
Why did Comrade Clayton even have these goats in town anyways? Does he shuttle them between grandma’s ranch and mom’s house where he splits his time? Does he “chestfeed” them every few hours like Pete Buttigieg?
I love how Acevedo casually throws in that they were “skin and bones” and “crying constantly.” Zing! That’s a roundabout way of saying “are you abusing these poor goats, you moron?!?”
I wonder how long the panicked dummy socialist ran around his mom’s house and the library next door looking for these poor goats before he decided that they MUST have been stolen. LOL. No WAY this was his fault. He’s a “fifth-generation” rancher, don’t ya know??
Will somebody PLEASE stage an intervention with serial goat killer Clayton Tucker?? He reminds me of these women in dirt-poor, impoverished African countries who keep having babies only to watch them die of starvation at 9 months old. Then they do it over and over again – with the same result.
“How much of a sociopath do you need to be? That is the slow ritual torture-murder of children goats, one after another! At what point does cause-and-effect not kick in? How many bulb-headed skeletons have to go stiff in your arms?! … ‘what? this one’s not working… oh, well let’s try again’, one after another. At what point do you not go ‘I think this is bad’? … How many kids are you going to fuckin’ kill, lady Clayton? … If you impregnate someone under those conditions, they should abort the parents! That’s sick!”
