Gold Approaches $5,000 and Silver $100. Those EVIL Mining Monopolies!

What was it that clown Mark Cuban said again? Oh yeah.

March 2023 – “You are dumb as fuck if you own gold.” Gold at $1,750.

January 2026 – gold at $4,940 for a 183% gain in less than three years.

If you bought in 1999, you are up 1700% on gold and 2300% on silver. Not bad for a “pet rock” that sits there and pays no dividends.

Must be the “evil” monopolies making prices go up, right Comrade Clayton?

The destruction of the dollar continues unabated. Thanks to decades of moron politicians thinking they can get a “free lunch” by printing pieces of green paper into existence.

“An Obese Six-Month-Old Baby Is NOT The Parents’ Fault” – And Other Pearls Of Clayton Ducker Wisdom Heard In Fake Rancher Video Interview. Part I.

No, that’s NOT a typo. The two idiots running the “interview” actually called him Clayton Ducker. Which is fitting, seeing as how he is a ducker of all questions that are important and never backs up his outrageous fables and lies.

I’ll post some of the more hilarious lies and pearls of wisdom here for posterity’s sake. I want to be able to refer back to all this after his campaign implodes and he is found ineligible to hold the position of Ag Commissioner. If you want to be nauseated by mountains of bullshit, then go ahead and listen for yourself.

Transcript with my comments in red:

1:27 – Interviewer: “Clayton has some deep roots in ranching heritage. He’s a fifth generation Texan rancher and he’s currently managing his family’s ranch near Lampasas where you have cattle, goats, geese. What else?”

Clayton Ducker: “We have some chickens. Every year I tell myself, let’s get more chickens. And then I’m like, I’ll do it. I’ll do it next time. And then we have massive egg prices.”

[He is NOT a fifth-generation rancher. He also just admitted he was too lazy to take advantage of high egg prices and grow his chicken flock. Shocker. I brought this up long ago and asked why he didn’t produce eggs if egg prices were so high. We have our answer: plain laziness]

1:53 – Clayton: “For cows, we have also a mix. So, we have standard cows. We’re experimenting with miniature cows. Yeah. The Highlands cow. Pre-Covid you could have gotten a Highlander for like (that’s the fluffy one) for like 700 bucks. Now they’re six grand or $7,000. Uh we don’t quite have…we’re not that we’re not that level of ranch. Okay. We’re a little bit more working class.”

[You are not ANY level of ranch except “hobby ranch” – and you are CERTAINLY not ‘working class,’ as evidenced by the fact you can galivant around Texas doing nothing for seven months while you sponge off your mom for a place to live. Also, mom and dad bought SEVERAL of those Herefords last year for you, and they are well over $1,500 each. Tell me again that you aren’t a silver-spoon pussy, please]

2:38 – Interviewer: “Uh he also works with the trade justice education fund as a fair trade policy advocate. Is that that is correct?”

Clayton: “So like 80% of farmers and ranchers, I have to have an off-farm income to pay for fences and to pay for everything else as we’re really rebuilding uh the family ranch and I do that through making sure our trade policies are fair because a lot of international trade has been a giant corporate scam.”

[This is one of my favorite long-running fables of his: that he sits in a room somewhere and “makes sure our trade policies are fair” – as if the White House sends Clayton Tucker drafts of all their trade policies and asks for his input. LOL! He has NEVER explained what he does for the Trade Justice Education Fund. But I HAVE proven that it is extremely unlikely he is paid much at all for reposting 2 or 3 TJEF tweets per year. Also DAD pays for the tractors and ‘ranch’ equipment with the salary he makes from Firefly as an engineer.]

4:13 – Interviewer: “Well, you’re swimming upstream. I like what you’re saying. You want to make the rancher and farmer have more control and bring bring prices down, I’m assuming, and quality of food. But isn’t it too late now to do something like that?”

[This is one of the best piles of shit ever…brace yourselves. The interviewer is saying basically “isn’t it too hard and the job too big and the interests too entrenched for you to ever really change anything? You’re ‘swimming upstream’ – in other words, how is an inexperienced little boy who lives with mom going to change the world. LOL. Clayton’s answer is gold…]

Clayton: “It’s like the what’s the quote? The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, but the next best time is today. Okay. So I would say anything worthwhile in life is always swimming upstream. And it doesn’t have to be politics. I mean going to the gym, you know, getting fit, being a rancher, being a rancher, raising kids, like it’s all everything.”

[BAHAHAHAHA! Clayton has never done ANY of those things. Has NEVER raised kids and never will. Has NEVER gotten fit at the gym. Has NEVER been a real rancher. His life is a life of leisure. He ADMITS he never gets up before the sun! He lives with his mom and has been driving around spinning his wheels for SEVEN MONTHS without actually working. Tell me again how hard your life is, you deluded cunt!]

[It gets even better….]

4:57 – Clayton Tucker massive pile of bullshit: “In my mind, there are two groups of folks. There are the folks who have to work for a living and then there are folks who simply don’t. So for me like I wasn’t born with a (I made this I was talking with this um the IBW chapter and Waco yesterday. IBW that’s electrical workers) I cracked the joke that you know I wasn’t born with a platinum spoon in my mouth. I was born with a steel wrench in my hand. And those are the kind of folks that we’re here to represent. The folks who like the moment I was old enough to wear my first pair of boots, my granddaddy is like, “Okay, you can go haul hay now. Yeah, you can go feed the sheep. You can go feed the goats or the cows or whatnot.” So, there are folks who have to work to make a living. And that’s 80, 90, 95, 99% of us. And then there are folks who to be frank about it, they don’t have to do a damn thing. They’re just sitting around.”

[Excuse me while I vomit in the toilet. The boy who has spent 35 years jerking off being a “political organizer” and who has no real employment except retweeting TJEF posts twice a year is telling us he is a “working man” because he did a few normal chores in grandpa’s back yard when he was 10 years old. Holy shit. Clayton Tucker is the most SHAMELESS fucking liar on planet earth. Also, only 62.4% of the country actually works. Not “80, 90, 95, 99% you clown. And you are DEFINITELY not one of them.]

MUCH more to come. Stay tuned….

January 2026 Storm Predictions.

Prediction #1: power will go out somewhere in Texas due to ice.

Prediction #2: some dumb ass (probably Indian or Somali) will die of carbon monoxide poisoning when they fire up a generator INSIDE the house. They will likely also kill the other 17 people who live there.

Prediction #3: cosplay cowboy Clayton will blame Sid Miller, AI data centers, Greg Abbott and “the damn grid” for the preceding events.

Book it.

My plans for this ice storm include watching my DoorDasher hydroplane into a telephone pole then calling ICE instead of an ambulance. Oh, and also bashing Clayton Tucker for two days straight while drinking non-stop, pausing only to put more logs on the fire.

Potato-Head Stephanie Fitzharris Has A New Cause Célèbre. Taking Her Cues From Socialist Clown Clayton Tucker On Data Center Propaganda.

It was only a matter of time before local crusader Stephanie “Potato Head” Fitzharris found a new issue to be on the wrong side of. You may remember her from her previous freakouts over Covid masking, BLM, vaccines, wokeism and CRT, HCQ, Ivermectin, the Boston bombers, Joe Biden, etc.

She was 100% wrong about ALL of them.

Low-IQ shitlib falls for multiple hoaxes at once. LOL!

Remember, this is the dunce who insisted Joe Biden “just has a stutter” and not dementia and is also a “national treasure“! Therefore, it’s safe to say that anytime she opens her cakehole about ANYTHING you can assume the opposite is true. Same goes for these data center water fears.

Allow me to destroy the propaganda and make Potato Head look like a moron for the 57th time in the last six years:

Comrade Clayton has been passing this around as “proof” that we are all about to die and it’s all because of “AI data centers” – LOL.

Now first, you must remember that Comrade Clayton freaks out about EVERYTHING because he is secretly a teenage girl. He’s a massive pussy and scared rabbit. He wore a mask IN HIS CAR well into 2021. He’s scared of his own shadow and lives with mommy. So keep all that in mind as you read his panicked ramblings about water.

He was freaking out about water NINE YEARS ago, too:

Wrong again, comrade. That’s what happens when you are a fake “water researcher.”

Anyways, the lake levels in Texas have been rising and falling for 1000 years before a single data center was dreamt up. It’s called “drought and floods” and it’s how the planet works. The answer is to build more reservoirs (like Texas JUST DID). The answer is NOT to stop all progress and hide like pussies in mom’s house, trembling and posting garbage on social media telling everyone the sky is falling…AGAIN.

Furthermore, as I have pointed out before, many of these data centers have closed-loop cooling. More of them will be used as the water concern is raised. They don’t all “use up” the water – it circulates and carries heat away, exactly like your car radiator.

The ignorant fake rancher shows two images in that lake photo – 2021 and 2025. Do you have any clue how many shitlibs flocked here from their ruined liberal states like Illinois and California over the last four years? Shitlibs like Potato Head Fitzharris and her retard kid from Oregon? Or Potato Head’s mom from Ohio? About 2.5 MILLION new citizens of Texas during that time.

Potato Head’s kid thinks communism rules! Then moved from Oregon to Texas to live with mom. LOL.

Do you know how much water 2.5 MILLION new shitlib citizens use EVERY DAY?

They use about 250 million gallons PER DAY! That’s right – JUST the new citizens who moved here in the last 4 years added a demand of 1.8 BILLION GALLONS of water PER WEEK!! That’s close to 100 BILLION more gallons of water per year. All so newly-arrived shitlibs can bathe their fatbodies in our water, guzzle it down their fat mouths with abandon and then fill their pools.

So – there are TWO threats to water, in my opinion. The first is natural droughts, which can be mitigated by human technological ingenuity (pulling water from the air, reservoirs, desalinization, using municipal grey water for cooling purposes, etc).

The SECOND major threat to water is not data centers (of which Texas ALREADY HAS 500 or 600 in use). The SECOND threat is hoards of scumbag shitlibs leaving their ruined states like New York and Minnesota and coming to Texas to steal our water. The answer is clearly to deport all shitlib scum like Fitzharris and Clayton Tucker back to crap states where they can all live in liberal Utopia happily ever after.

Q.E.D.

P.S. ——>

Hey Potato Head: I heard though the grapevine six months ago you were packing up and heading back to Oregon with your commie kid his and gender-fluid xe/xhe partner. Why don’t you do everyone a favor and get the hell out of Texas and back to California and Oregon where you came from originally? Take a page out of Carol Garner Doughty’s book and go to a state filled with other far-left shitlibs so you can be happy for once instead of bitching non-stop about how awful Texas is as you enjoy the benefits of a red state?

Nah. She’d rather stay here and parrot Clayton Tucker data center propaganda on social media.

Fake Rancher Pussy Clayton Tucker Running Away And Neglecting His Pet Goats As Dangerous Ice And Cold Approach.

Five years ago, socialist halfwit and fake rancher had an absolute bird that Ted Cruz went on vacation at the same time a once-in-a-century winter storm hit Texas. That was the storm where the pinwheels and solar panels failed badly and we nearly lost the entire grid.

What the fake rancher never understood is that Ted Cruz is a FEDERAL official. He represents us in D.C. He has no control over ERCOT and he is not the Governor of Texas. Going on vacation is totally normal this time of year. I’ll be in Cancun myself soon.

What exactly did he “run away” from? Was Comrade Clayton sitting at home expecting Cruz to put wood in his fireplace? Was Cruz supposed to go out and restore downed power lines as a lineman? Did he miss his shift shoveling coal into the power generation plant somewhere? What EXACTLY was he supposed to be doing that he “ran away” from? You absolute moron.

NOW, here we are five years later with another dangerous storm coming our way (not as bad as 2021, mind you) and Clayton Tucker HIMSELF is actually running away from his duties as a supposed “rancher.” Instead of being at the “family ranch” over the next few days to prepare for this storm and see to the welfare of his animals, he is running away like a pussy and driving to meaningless events:

This clearly IS running away from real responsibility. If you care so much about the “family ranch” then that should be your number-one priority…not driving to Abilene to sit around listening to a bunch of other fake ranchers cry for handouts.

The upside of Clayton Tucker running away from his responsibilities is that he will be driving around on icy roads. Given that he does everything else like a teen girl, I’m guessing he drives like one as well. That means his chances of spinning into oncoming traffic and being t-boned by an 18-wheeler driven by an illegal Somali or Jagmeet with a towel on his head will increase exponentially. That’s a good thing.

I feel sorry for Clayton’s 70-year-old mother and 94-year-old grandmother who are left behind to feed and water his pet goats and make sure they have enough warm bedding for this storm. What a douchebag.

That time the fake rancher lost his goats and then blamed phantom “kidnappers” – LOL!!

He Finally Admits It: Socialist Fake Rancher Demands Taxpayers Hand Him Piles Of Money To “Rebuild His Herd.”

The truth finally came out. It’s not about monopolies or global warming or corporate greed.

No, it turns out that it’s REALLY about what it’s always about with lazy, scumbag, incompetent little socialist boys: gimme free money.

These photos are from an extremely sad “protest” the other day. I was lucky enough to see the video before he was smart enough to take it down. It was pathetic – about 15 people on the side of a road or something. They were literally standing in a ditch.

Apparently, Comrade Clayton is ANGRY that a bunch of Tyson meat plant workers are being laid off because there isn’t enough cattle to process – mainly because fake rancher pussies like Clayton Tucker are not producing anything. Remember, less than a year ago, Comrade Clayton was DEMANDING higher wages for this EXACT same plant! LOL.

So they demand higher wages, get their wish, and then the company just lays everyone off 9 months later because they can’t afford it. So now their wage is $0 and they are unemployed – just like Clayton Tucker. But Clayton has mommy’s house to live in while the meat guys have to live in the real world and are fucked now.

[Kind of the EXACT same thing that happened at UPS a couple years ago. And the restaurant industry in California. Of course, Clayton Tucker is too fucking stupid to make the connection there.]

But let’s boil down the above statements by the unemployed socialist bum known as Clayton Tucker:

#1 – he’s now admitting that there is a shortage of beef and U.S. herds are at historic lows. So, not much talk about “monopolies” anymore but more about supply and demand, which is a real thing.

#2 – he then indirectly admits he understands supply and demand, in that the way to bring prices down is to “rebuild the herds” and increase supply.

#3 – Clayton Tucker HIMSELF supposedly managed a ranch for many years now and has ALSO yammered about “rebuilding” the family herd. But despite being handed FREE land by grandpa, FREE cows by grandpa and daddy and a FREE tractor and other equipment from daddy, he has STILL not “rebuilt the herd” on grandpa’s land.

#4 – in fact, Clayton Tucker has done the OPPOSITE of rebuilding the cattle herd because he made the moronic decision a couple years ago to get into GOATS instead of cattle. He gave TWO different reasons for this idiotic decision at different times. First it was because the cattle industry was “too monopolized” and the family ranch couldn’t compete. Then he made up a DIFFERENT lie a few months later and said it was because of “global warming” and that goats do better in an arid environment. LOL.

So, a fucking dummy who knows nothing about ranching (but PRETENDS to be one) made a massive strategic blunder just before beef prices made a moonshot. That is nobody’s fault but his own. He has proved himself incompetent and retarded over and over again.

#5 – NOW, the dummy who fucked everything up because he is incompetent and was NEVER a real rancher wants the government to hand “American ranchers” $20 billion to “rebuild their herd.” LOL!!

#6 – there are roughly 930,000 cattle operations in the United States. If you spread out that $20 billion equally, that would be about $21,000 per operation. Not exactly a ton of money.

What exactly would Comrade Clayton DO with that $21,000? He has already proved himself unable to make it in the ranching industry. Why should the taxpayer hand money to a proven loser like Clayton Tucker? He doesn’t give two shits about the fake family ranch anyways – as evidenced by the fact he has been away from the “family ranch” for the last 7 months now as he gallivants around the state crying about monopolies and oligarchs.

Oh, and how do you decide exactly WHO gets a piece of that $20 billion? I might decide tomorrow that I am ALSO a rancher, because I owned a bunch of goats once. See how that works, you clown? People would be coming out of the woodwork to scam that money and claim to be ‘ranchers’ just like you do.

SUMMARY: Retards like you HAD the chance to rebuild your herd. You failed. All you had to do was put a bunch of cows and some bulls in the field and let them fuck and make more cows, right? You didn’t even do that!! According to your lie, you came back to “manage the family ranch” TEN YEARS AGO!! Yet nothing has been accomplished. You are a failure. You always will be.

In fact, tens of thousands of REAL ranchers ARE rebuilding their herds as we speak. I met one in Belize a couple months ago. He was 83 years old and had a handshake like a vice. He said he was making a killing with beef prices so high and hay prices so low. His son and grandson were taking over the business.

He was the REAL deal. HE was not a retarded, crybaby poseur who stands in a ditch by the side of the road and demands taxpayers hand him a bunch of money to fuck things up again.

You are not a rancher. Never have been and never will be. Go get a real job and shut the fuck up about the plight of the poor rancher. Let the REAL ranchers run the show.

**UPDATE** – the video is now on YouTube [3:32 mark]. In it, Comrade Clayton whines about Tyson closing the plant (the plant is not closing), claims to be a cattle rancher (he is not), and makes numerous other ridiculous claims.

Less than a year ago, this idiot was DEMANDING higher wages for Tyson workers at this EXACT SAME PLANT because “they are a monopoly and can afford it” (totally false). Now those workers are out of work because silly fake rancher cunts like Clayton Tucker are not producing enough beef for them to process.

Unqualified Fake Ag Commissioner Candidate Clayton Tucker Loves Posting Falsehoods About Tyson Foods “Monopoly” And Profits.

Reminder: Clayton has never employed a SINGLE PERSON on his fake ranch and knows NOTHING about wage costs, profit margins or how to tie his shoes, for that matter. He is a quasi-retarded clown in a fake cowboy hat. Nothing more.

Another AWFL Karen Idiot Gets Gassed Point-Blank. It’s So Incredibly Sad.

Yet ANOTHER shitlib twat took a cloud of pepper spray to the face. When will these morons learn?

This is what 15 years of social media echo chamber has done to weak, shitlib female brains. They have TOTALLY lost touch with reality and consequences. I can see Potato Head Fitzharris or Carol Garner Doughty being this stupid.

You are NOT a character in a Netflix movie. You are NOT a hero. You are the bad guy in this movie. ICE is legally empowered to remove these criminals. Stay home and stay the hell out of the way. Go bake cookies for your grandkids or something. Jesus Christ.

There is a moment where I ALMOST feel sorry seeing this skinny, wrinkled, weak old lady get blasted in the face. But you have to remember, this is TOUGH LOVE. Gassing these retards and maybe dissuading more of them from this course of action will save lives in the end. Every stupid old shitlib who stays home and thinks twice about getting maced in the face is one person who WON’T get shot in the head like that other idiot did.

ICE has to keep gassing them and cracking their skulls. It’s the only way they’ll learn. They are like toddlers throwing a tantrum: the minute you let them get away with it or make idle threats to them, they will keep pushing further and further, testing you. That will only end badly.

Now get back in your BMW, bitch. Go cry on the ride home and think about your horrible decisions and thank God you didn’t get a bullet to the head.

P.S. – An interesting detail many people might overlook in The Odyssey is that Athena put Penelope in a magical sleep while Odysseus and Telemachus slaughtered the suitors who had been stealing all his wealth and harassing his wife while he was gone. Women have a tendency to get in the way of what needs to be done by men to set society right. They just don’t have the stomach for that stuff. The ancients understood this and it is evident because it was worked into the plot; Athena knew that Penelope might get worked up, stressed out and interfere detrimentally with the slaughter of the suitors if she were awake.

Behold: YouTube Video Of Compulsive Liar’s “Food Allergy” Story.

Well, that didn’t take long to find. You’ll want to start at the 1:05:30 mark and brace yourself for deluge of lies that resembles a flood of shit cresting a hill.

It really is quite something to watch this scumbag spin massive lies out of thin air. If he lies about something as unnecessary as this, imagine all the OTHER lies over the last five years. Pathetic.

Gotta love his bullshit at the end, too: “This is a great event! A REALLY great crowd!”

Reality:

So 187 people watching out of a hypothetical virtual Internet crowd of essentially “any shitlib who has a computer or phone” which probably means twelve million people. LOL. Yeah, HUGE ‘crowd’!

And remember, of those 187 participants, probably 50 of them were the actual participating retards being interviewed for 90 seconds each…like Clayton Tucker!

Oh, and one of them was me!

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Dork.

Unemployed Socialist Bum Clayton Tucker Campaign Spending Finally Released. Part I.

Well, after SEVEN MONTHS of driving around aimlessly and living off of money he grifted from a LOT of not-very-bright old ladies, we finally have the spending filings. There are some doozies in there! The most shocking part is that he managed to scam the old ladies out of about $150,000 so far. He has blown almost $90,000 of that – much of it on magic beans and retardation.

Here is a quick synopsis of how Clayton Tucker, the unemployed bum who lives with his mother, handles his campaign finances:

#1 – nearly $23,000 went to “Triptych Strategies.” From what I could find of this company, they have only been around about five years. According to their profile: “We construct politically cultural experiences, employing the magic of storytelling — building an energized power base to catalyze connection, action, and electoral wins.” I’m not sure what the hell all that buzzword bullshit means, but it sure sounds like Clayton was sold some magic beans.

What is most interesting about this company is that they are based in South Bend, Indiana! LOL. So Mister “Texas First!” decided to spend money NOT with a local Texas firm, but with two inexperienced chicks who live 1,200 miles away! Bravo. So much for “keeping it local,” as he likes to bleat nonstop. I hope Triptych is prepared for the OPPOSITE of an electoral win, because that’s what is in store for the Tucker campaign.

#2 – $14,111 to Izzy “Baby Beluga” Young. This is Clayton’s sole employee, and I’m frankly shocked he’s paying her anything. I must point out that $24,000 per year is a slave wage and the OPPOSITE of a “dignified and livable wage” that Clayton Tucker demands of everyone else in the world.

I’m guessing she ALSO gets to have all the ultra-processed foods and fast foods she can eat while driving around with Comrade Clayton in the Baby Seal Mobile. That is also likely a substantial expense.

#3 – $9,800 to NationBuilder. NationBuilder is based in Los Angeles, is a company used by Bernie Sanders and “is an integrated leadership and community engagement software platform for political campaigns, nonprofits, and advocacy groups.”

#4 – $4,500 to Scale To Win. Another young company used to raise funds, mainly. Used by the failed campaigns of Bernie Sanders AND Kamabla Harris, they will soon be adding yet ANOTHER loser to their stable of candidates in the form of Clayton Tucker.

Now HERE is where things get interesting. Next on the list is a $4,500 payment to the Kerrville ISD. Yes, the KERRVILLE school district received a $4,500 gift from Comrade Clayton himself. What was this for? Very good question. I cannot even fathom a guess. All it lists is “Contributions/Donations Made By Candidate/Officeholder/Political Committee” – and it was made on December 16th, 2025.

If you check his social media feeds from that time, there is no event or anything at all revolving around the Kerrville public schools. Just a gay post about Sid Miller…

So riddle me this, you socialist roach: why did you hand over $4,500 to the Kerrville public school system but last year you had ZERO money to pay off the LAMPASAS school district lunch debt when you lied about trying to cut them a check but “they wouldn’t take it”? Lampasas is the town you live in at your mom’s house. Not Kerrville.

Socialist Chairman Of Lampasas Democrat Party Clayton Tucker Caught Lying About School Lunch Donations. Here’s How To Do It, You Moron.

Just to recap: he LIES and gets caught red-handed about trying to cut a check to the Lampasas ISD to pay down lunch school debt and the SCHOOL ITSELF confirmed the lie. But then he just throws $4,500 at KERRVILLE school district for NO REASON whatsoever?? Very, very weird. Maybe Comrade Clayton can explain that one.

Part II coming soon….

“Tough Guy” Tucker’s New Year Resolution Is To ‘Kick Ass.’ No, Seriously.

Thank God I stumbled onto this thing last night.

There was a FEDD Zoom event tonight that I accidently found out about last second. On the events list was “Clayton Tucker” from 7:42 to 7:46pm. It was a hilarious and outrageous performance by Lampasas’s biggest lying sack of shit and commie dirtbag.

Naturally, he first complained about the price of food, then blamed monopolies (“they are literally everywhere!”) and then vowed to “break them up!” – no word on how he would do this.

Wow. Tough talk. Very compelling.

Then the chick in charge of this virtual convention of Zoom dorks asked “what inspired you to run?”

Clayton seemed stunned by this question and sat like a deer in the headlights. It took him about 5 seconds to come up with a lie. Naturally he couldn’t say “I need to look busy because I have no job and live with my mom at age 35” so he had to come up with a lie QUICKLY and right on the spot.

He did not disappoint.

He took the opportunity to HUGELY expand his brand new “ultra-processed food allergy” lie…and boy, did he lay it on thick. But (as usual) his whopper of a lie had more holes in it than Swiss cheese. That is because Clayton Tucker is a very stupid person.

His reason for running for Ag Commissioner? You know what inspired him? I am paraphrasing below since I didn’t record it:

“Well, I moved overseas for a few years and I immediately went into a kind of detox – just cold sweats and shakes and so forth. It was the ultra-processed food toxins leaving my body. Then when I came back in a few years, I now have a very bad allergy to processed foods. If I eat processed foods, it’s like a 50/50 chance that it doesn’t end well for me.”

He DEFINITELY said that “50/50 chance it doesn’t end well for me” and tried to make it sound like a serious condition.

So HALF the time you get majorly wrecked by ultra-processed foods? Ultra-processed foods is the exact same shit you have been eating non-stop while driving over 35,000 miles all over Texas for your “campaign”! It is the crap from gas stations and fast food joints. I KNOW Baby Beluga is gorging on that garbage during your travels, so don’t tell me you aren’t.

So, to recap all the holes in this new lie:

The other day when he invented the lie, it was “a slight food allergy” upon returning. Now it’s a 50% chance it “doesn’t end well for him” as he intimated he would be in the hospital or something. Absolute and total fabrication.

So that bag of Fritos, hot dog, cookie, ice cream, Froot Loops, frozen pizza, frozen waffle, Big Mac, etc, etc has a FIFTY PERCENT chance of fucking you up? Basically every single food you KNOW Clayton shoves into his fat mouth all the time without a care will destroy him 50% of the time?

Yeah, ok buddy.

Does he remember he was shoving hot dogs in his face at a staged photo op a few months ago??

Also (and this is the biggest question): you came back from China TEN YEARS ago, buddy. It was 2016. So you waited TEN YEARS silently with your burning desire to rid the world of ultra-processed foods before you decided to say a single word about it and then run for Ag Commissioner? You ran for office two other times and NEVER MENTIONED this huge important issue to you! In fact, your top THREE issues for those TEN YEARS did not include a peep over “ultra-processed foods” and your terrible 50/50 affliction!

Whoops, Comrade. Big whoops. That’s what happens when you aren’t prepared for obvious questions and have to make up a lie on the spot. Sad.

He finished his 100 seconds of fame with a good joke. The chick running the Zoom dorkfest asked him “do you have any new year resolutions?”

He first babbled something about his personal life (HAHAHAHA) and “other stuff” being put on hold until November. Like running this campaign is a 24/7 job and he is making massive sacrifices for it.

Then he said it:

“I guess my new year resolution is just to kick ass!”

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Awesome. The socialist marshmallow who lives with mom at 35 and has “put his personal life on hold” to drive around the state in circles is going to KICK ASS!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA! I can’t wait til this comes out on YouTube. I’ll post it when I find it.

Speaking of his personal life…..

Broke Nerd Sitting In a Barn Taking Photos With a Male Goat On Friday Night Tries To Dunk On Billionaire Married To Supermodel.