Tag: fake rancher

Ass Hat, No Cattle

Time for yet another Baby Seal Bashing. I do this for the same reason chicks go to the spa and get massages and facials. It’s therapeutic and makes them feel rejuvenated.

I also do this so that when this idiot runs for office again someday, his opponent has a massive treasure trove of evidence about how full of shit he really is and what a pathetic socialist bum he really is.

CHALLENGE: Pick out the “5th generation rancher” in the photo. The one who “always wears his iconic cowboy hat” and is a farmer, rancher AND cowboy!

Kristi Lara = HUGE Bernie-loving commie loser

What’s that? There IS no rancher in the photo? Give the man a cigar! You are 100% correct!

You see, this was in 2019, BEFORE he had invented his fake rancher persona. Back THEN, he was just a spoiled trust fund commie nerd who went to Bernie Sanders rallies with other dorks, while living with mommy.

Don’t believe it? Allow me to show you hard evidence….

#1 – he forgot he was a rancher when he ran against Dawn Buckingham and got his dick kicked in the dirt…

He IS (present tense) a socialist agitator living in rural Texas. No mention of ranching. Water researcher? More bullshit.

#2 – here is more evidence from June 2nd, 2017 when Trust Fund Tucker tried to get appointed to an open City council seat and told The Dispatch all about himself [fourth column, bottom]. Know what he said?

“Clayton Tucker has lived in the city about one year. A 2013 graduate of Southwestern University, he is a teacher and writer.”

Was NOT a teacher OR a rancher in 2017 – just an unemployed bum. No mention here of being a “rancher”…again.

Wait, what??? He had only been in the City for “about one year”? How was he ranching if he wasn’t here in Lampasas on the family farm/ranch? The “5th generation rancher” only arrived in Lampasas in 2016?? How confusing.

Luckily, Trust Fund Tucker clears it all up in the next sentence when he tells us he is a “teacher and writer”. Oops! Zero mention of being a 5th generation rancher! Must have slipped his mind.

[He was not a teacher either, but that doesn’t stop him from lying to the Dispatch]

That is THRICE now he has been caught red-handed telling the public he is something OTHER than rancher or farmer. The third time was when he filled out the form to run for City council in 2021 and filled out the OCCUPATION box with “Political Organizer” – apparently forgetting AGAIN that he was a rancher!

So as it turns out, this moron is no hat AND no cattle!

Well, he may have NO hat and NO cattle, but he has “several goats“! Surely THAT is proof you are a real rancher.

Tell me you aren’t a rancher without telling me you aren’t a rancher!

Yeah, lots of “5th generation ranchers” who have been ranching for years and years go ape shit over a few baby goats being born. They can’t contain themselves and they name them all and then post endless photos on their social media accounts, too!

Surely a “5th generation rancher” has seen hundreds, nay THOUSANDS, of animals born. Yet she posted non-stop on social media about this like a 13-year-old girl from the Big City spotting her first deer out in the countryside.

Last year was a brutal one, if you made your living off of the land. We had 100-degree temps in early May, non-stop wind in April and May, close to zero rain in April and May also. By August, REAL ranchers were hurting badly.

REAL ranchers were posting stuff like this:

FAKE ranchers were posting stuff like THIS…

Clayton Tucker of Lampasas: fake hat, no cattle, “several goats” and many, many, many lies.

Say, that reminds me of a joke I heard once…

Two fake ranchers, Clayton and Beto, are driving down a dirt road when they come across Penny the donkey with her head stuck in the fence.

Beto says “Man I haven’t had any pussy in months!” He jumps out of the truck Prius and just starts banging the donkey like there’s no tomorrow.

Then Beto looks over at Clayton and says “Hey, do you want any of this?” Clayton replies “Sure….but do I have to put my head in the fence?”

Socialist Idiot Who Is Not a Farmer and Doesn’t Know How To Repair Tractors (Or Use Wrench) Demands Farmers Get Right To Repair Tractors

You never know what inane and obscure cause our local socialist Comrade Clayton Tucker of Lampasas will take up next.

First it was free Covid vaccines for Africans or something. Now it’s the right to repair your own tractor.

Who cares WHAT you want, douchebag!

This is hilarious for several reasons:

(1) This socialist asswipe has spent his WHOLE LIFE demanding bigger and more intrusive government. Government that can forcibly tell you what car to drive, what to eat (less meat!), how much ethanol you have to have in your gas, what kind of stove you can have, whether you are “allowed” to own an AR-15 (Tucker says NO to that), etc. Then he gets butthurt about his “rights” being taken away by John Deere!

So he’s fine with the government telling you what to do from cradle to grave, but John Deere imposing a rule on him is absolutely out of the question.

(2) Clayton is not a farmer OR a rancher. He sometimes poses on his “family” tractor (not his) and pretends to have an actual job as a rancher as part of his bullshit rural persona he feeds to gullible Austin twats. In reality, he holds unpaid joke positions in the Democratic party and lives with his parents.

(3) His family just bought a NEW tractor that isn’t even a Deere in the first place! Mind you, Clayton did not pay for this tractor, either – but he makes it sound like he had a hand in it….

Get more work done. LOL. Good one. The socialist wants you to think he works!!

(4) Clayton once did a hilarious video about this very issue a few years ago. He staged a maintenance issue out in a field while mowing with his grandpa’s tractor: “Hey look! My shear bolt broke! Say that reminds me…let’s talk about the right to repair!”

It was even more staged and fake than his cowboy hat trick!

Anyways, Clayton then proceeded to “fix” grandpa’s tractor for his video audience – which consisted of sliding a new bolt into the hole and then tightening the nut on top. But he even managed to fuck THAT up. He used his wrench like a 7-year-old girl might hold it, if she was slightly mentally retarded:

“Derrr….me fix tractor!”

Yes, it is a good thing Lampasas socialist and fake farmer Clayton Tucker has a “memorandum of understanding” to “fix” “his” tractor! Otherwise all the crops might wither and die!

What a complete tool.

Socialist Nerd Continues Tradition of Posing in Front of Vehicles That Don’t Belong to Him.

Hi! I’m Clayton Tucker. I don’t own a blue truck OR a red truck…or ANY kind of truck, for that matter. Turns out you don’t really need a truck when you are a virtual/fake rancher!

But I do these little photo shoots every now and then to give the impression I am a hard-working rancher – when in actuality, I am unemployed and live with my mom at age 32….

Old staged photo in front of truck that isn’t mine!
New staged photo in front of truck that isn’t mine!

For someone who brags so much on social media about “intermittent fasting”, it sure looks like he is hitting the jelly doughnuts pretty hard. I’m guessing his favorite filling flavor is “semen”.

You know who takes pictures in front of vehicles what aren’t theirs? Chicks.

Guess we can add ANOTHER item to my “proof Clayton Tucker is actually a woman” post from a few months ago!

“Fifth Generation” Rancher Now Has “Several” Goats.

Our local socialist bum and self-proclaimed “fifth-generation rancher” (LOL!) shared some information about his grampa’s ranch recently!

According to Clayton Tucker:

On a personal note, you may find some joy in my latest ranch adventures. I bought my very first donkey this year, a real sweetheart named Penny (she is indeed a true TX Democrat!). I got her to protect our goats–of which we now have several, as I work to build up my family’s ranch. As it turns out, Penny arrived pregnant, so she was a two-for-one special! We named her baby boy Peso.

She’s a true Democrat? Why do you say that? Does she sleep til noon and then steal the food of the other animals who worked all day? The sad thing is she’s the closest thing to a girlfriend you will ever have…but something tells me you’ll be far more interested in her male offspring.

So after five generations of ranchers (or about 130 years), five generations of Tuckers have managed to amass a single donkey and you have “several” goats?

Impressive.

But why would you need to “build up” a ranch that has been in operation for 130 years, according to you? You are about to turn 32 years old. What the hell have you been doing for the last 10 years?

It also means, once again, that I TOO am a rancher and I didn’t even know it! I also had “several goats” and a donkey for about 4 or 5 years. I managed to accomplish that with two phone calls in the course of a week. But I hear you Tuckers are a little slow.

The other hole in his “fifth generation rancher” bullshit story is that he has said on a few occasions that his dad owned an auto parts store. I guess he was one of those “virtual ranchers” as well. Or maybe he shoveled shit once, which makes you a rancher in Clayton’s book.

Say, that reminds me….

Two fake ranchers, Clayton and Beto, are driving down a dirt road when they come across Penny the donkey with her head stuck in the fence.

Beto says “Man I haven’t had any pussy in months!” He jumps out of the truck Prius and just starts banging the donkey like there’s no tomorrow.

Then Beto looks over at Clayton and says “Hey, do you want any of this?” Clayton replies “Sure….but do I have to put my head in the fence?”

“Mock The Socialist” Week Continues

You know who goes on fasts and posts about it?

Chicks.

Insecure, 14-year-old ones with eating disorders, mostly….

Also, only a young chick would need an app to tell her to start at 9pm and end at 9pm the next day.

Wow…an 18 hour fast every day of the week? Impressive. Then again, it is easy not to eat when you don’t have a job or anything else to do so you can sleep til noon and then just sit around at Mom’s house all day on your laptop.

[Not to mention: it’s all bullshit like many pseudoscientific fads that chicks believe in like gluten-free diets, fibromyalgia, long-Covid, palm reading, wearing masks to stop Covid, etc.]

I do a 15 hour fast every fucking night between dinner and breakfast the next morning, now that I think about it. So you basically eat a late breakfast and early dinner. But it sounds so much better to call it a “fast” and put it on an app. Just more evidence of the most pussified generation ever: patting yourself on the back for cramming all your meals into six hours.

Millennial pussies: never have lives less-lived been more-documented.

You know who does a lot of fasting? Every citizen in every country ruined by socialism. I hear the starving Venezuelans fasted so much they ended up eating zoo animals.

What’s next, Sally? Maybe a juice cleanse before grabbing mom’s Thigh Master? Or maybe post some photos of a dessert you had while out with the boyfriend? Maybe a strawberry daiquiri?

If I was Clayton Tucker’s dad and had this unemployed pussy living under my roof at age 32, I’d be over at Lampasas Beer Market getting hammered every night. Then I’d stagger home wasted and challenge her to feats of strength while poking her in the sternum and calling her an embarrassment to the family.

I might also yell at my wife for mollycoddling him and turning him into such a pussy in the first place. Mom probably gave him presents on OTHER kid’s birthdays when he started crying.

The guy who claims to be a rancher is going to fast to lose weight! LOL. You know how REAL ranchers lose weight? Doing their job everyday and busting their asses out in the real world. They don’t lay in bed at their parents’ house all day complaining about how faint they feel because they haven’t eaten all day.

Guess we need to add this to the pile of evidence that Clayton Tucker is, in fact, a woman.

Clayton Tucker Is A Selfish Hypocrite Or a Liar. Take Your Pick

One thing that Chairman of the Lampasas County Democrats (and socialist) Clayton Tucker excels at is telling everyone how the world SHOULD be. He sees himself sitting on the throne telling everyone what to do to bring about his socialist utopia while doing absolutely nothing himself for his entire adult life:

“I will fight to end hunger!”. That is hilarious coming from a guy who claims to be a “farmer” AND a “rancher”. He has claimed both of those things for a very long time:

Seems to me, you don’t need to be a state senator or a politician of ANY kind to “feed the hungry”. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves, produce food, and then give it away or sell it really cheap. You even have FREE land and equipment that your grandpa (not you) owns and you pretend is yours!

Yet you don’t appear to do any of that.

So I have a few questions for Comrade Clayton, our local socialist who wants to “fight to end hunger”:

#1 – How many pounds of veggies or fruit have you donated from your “farm” to the local food bank (the mission over there on 4th street literally 5 blocks from your parents house where you live upstairs)?

#2 – How many pounds of meat have you donated from your “ranch”?

#3 – How much food have you sold at our local farmer’s market here? Seems to me that it is a great way to “support rural communities”, as you constantly blather about.

What’s that? Zero pounds of food donated to anyone?? So you’re just a selfish miserly asshole who keeps all his veggies and meat to himself without handing over a single thing to the poor and downtrodden??

OR…are you a lying asshole who actually ISN’T a farmer or a rancher but just pretends to be one so he has a better chance of being elected and sitting on his ass giving orders all day?

One or the other, douche bag. Take your pick.

He Wants To Be A Cowboy Baby!

Socialist bum Clayton Tucker (currently running for City council) has never had a real job, but he has a FAKE job that he tries REALLY REALLY hard to convince the world of.

He wants to be a cowboy, baby! Call him Kid Tuck:

I caught onto his favorite trick a while ago. It is both funny and pathetic. I’ve collected some photos to show you. Notice his “iconic cowboy hat” is present every time he pontificates about socialized medicine from his upstairs room at his parents house – he makes SURE it is ALWAYS in the camera frame. To do this, he pathetically moves his hat around the room as needed:

Of course, less than two years ago (before his transformation to fake hardworking cowboy for his political campaign) he was just an unemployed trust fund dork in a baseball cap.

Our Revolution is a socialist offshoot of Bernie Sanders’ campaign

Sad, sad little boy.

Clayton Tucker Imports Austin Socialist Julie Oliver To Canvass in Lampasas

Quite the turnout, Clayton! You imported a socialist Bernie lover and loser from Austin and a couple of older folks – your family, perhaps? I was out of town this past weekend, so I’m sorry I missed it.

Were you and fellow socialist Julie Oliver sure to tell everyone you are rabid socialists who support open borders, idiotic wind farms, the Green New Deal boondoggle, and forced $15/hr minimum wage that will definitely kill jobs for the least skilled workers?

Nah. I bet you didn’t. But I sure will!

Be sure to vote AGAINST socialist bum Clayton Tucker for Lampasas City council.