My friends Amy and George at Winter’s Beef were working hard the last few days and weeks. They load up the coolers and trucks early and head to farmer’s markets which are hours away.
They have their website available for buying steaks and burgers. They remind you a week or two before any holiday weekend to stock up for your holiday parties and even give you great recipes for their steaks and burgers.
FAKE ranchers also talk a lot about a website, but then six months later…no website. Totally forgotten like the failed Substack project. Because it is MUCH easier to sit in mom’s upstairs bedroom in the air conditioning and cry about how unfair life is.
You see, the website project will NEVER get done. That’s because fake ranchers have no actual products to sell. How do you sell non-existent products on a website? You can’t.
I think I DID see Comrade Clayton at the park the other day though…..
I’ve probably read dozens of these articles over the last decade. I’m fascinated with that stuff. The economics of it. The many factors that go into being a successful rancher. You have to know a LOT about a lot of things: animals, soils, grass, business. Those guys are the backbone of America and Texas (along with the oil guys). A tough and thankless job, really.
In ALL those articles I’ve read where they talk to experts and others in the industry around this area, you know what I have never, ever seen? The name Clayton Tucker! For some reason, the Dispatch never calls up local socialist Comrade Clayton Tucker to ask him about the pulse of the cattle industry – even though he has claimed to be a fifth-generation rancher for many years now.
Let’s compare these two humans (I refuse to call Comrade Clayton a ‘man’)
Disclaimer: I have never met Mark Langford nor am I a relative or employee….these are all guesses plus what I could find on the Internet
First we have a REAL rancher….
Mark Langford, owner of Langford Ranch Enterprises: has been ranching for 40 years. Bachelor of science in Agricultural Economics. Is quoted in newspaper as an expert. He probably employs DOZENS of people. Does NOT have seven different social media platforms where he wastes hours taking pictures of and naming goats. Probably understands how to use the CME cattle futures market to manage price risk.
Probably married to a babe with awesome kids. Probably can wrestle a bear and drink five beers without getting a buzz. I doubt he ever wore a mask or got the “vaccine” when it came out. He doesn’t get sick.
Probably drives big-ass truck with 180,000 miles on it. Probably deer hunts in his spare time. Probably has hands like hams and an American flag on his sprawling property that HE owns, not mom. Probably friends with other local bad-asses like Rickie Roy and Van Berry. Would not be surprised if he has killed a number of coyotes with his bare hands.
Then we have…..
Comrade ClaytonTucker, ‘founder’ of RX Ranch: has only been ‘ranching’ since December 21, 2023. Has never employed anyone in his life. RX Ranch employs zero people. Is a pathological liar. Majored in “International Relations” at joke school in Georgetown. Is a moron who probably has never even HEARD of the cattle futures market nor able to understand price risk hedging.
Is more worried about having 1,000 followers on Instacrap than producing any beef for sale…
….drives girl car (Chevy Equinox).
Wants to ban rifles. Hands are likely soft as baby shit. Uses girl machine at gym. Lives with mom. Was petrified of Wuhan virus that was no threat to him and complained for two years that nobody was wearing a mask – even as he wore one in his car.
Forgets he is a rancher much of the time….
Rarely seen in the company of women. Carries a purse and has a fupa….
REAL ranchers do NOT have fupas.
Hangs out with scumbags who hate America and then puts a Ukraine flag on his mom’s house where he lives!
Did I mention “lives with mom”?
So, as you can see: it is no wonder that every single Dispatch article on REAL ranchers in Lampasas over the last decade has failed to mention, quote or contact Comrade Clayton or RX Ranch.
Welcome to the first Baby Seal Bashing of the new year! There will be another soon enough…
Local socialist vermin and open-borders champion Clayton Tucker was recently asked by a follower what the name of his ranch was and where she could go to buy some beef. You know, since they have “always been a cattle family,” according to him.
The “fifth-generation” “rancher” was forced to admit that there wasn’t really an official name except what his grandpa called it: RX Ranch. But they might change it. Or maybe not. Easy to do when it doesn’t officially exist on paper anywhere that I can find:
So the five-generation cattle ranch (that would be approximately 130 years) that supposedly has deep, deep roots in Lampasas doesn’t really have an official name, doesn’t have a website and has never sold an ounce of meat around here. Comrade Clayton, who graduated college over ten years ago with a useless degree in “International Relations” is just now getting around to the whole “selling some meat” thing.
Comrade Clayton KNOWS that his bags of processed shit are bad for you, because he was just crying about it a few weeks ago! But apparently that crap is good enough for the poorz as he is too greedy to give away any healthy beef from his “ranch” – either that or there IS no beef produced on the “ranch.”
You forgot the “Froot” Loops you bought once for the pantry
A search for RX Ranch in Lampasas yields one result: a YouTube video from 6.5 years ago posted by Howard Tucker – presumably Howard A. Tucker (grandpa who passed away in 2018) and not Howard C. Tucker, the presumed fourth generation of ranchers.
Hilariously, the supposed “4th-generation rancher” (Clayton’s dad) wasn’t really a rancher either – he “left Lampasas after high school to continue further education and went on in having a rewarding career working with several large aerospace companies,” according to his own personal bio on his Pontiac Plus Facebook page. Zero mentions of ranching. Whoops! Another Clayton lie exposed!
We’ll have more soon as we review Comrade Clayton’s 2023: Another Year Of Lies and Nonsense
But NOW he is a “rancher” and thus, he is supposedly mending a goat’s leg.
In the video, he has already “mended the leg” with a paint roller (or “paint roller thing” as he calls it) – which is a trick he just learned on YouTube. You’d think a “5th generation rancher” would have seen that trick a few dozen times by age 32 and not need YouTube, but Comrade Clayton is not the brightest bulb. After all, he thinks socialism is a viable economic system.
He first holds up a can of Blu-Kote and says “basically, I used some, uh, blue spray…blue note…it’s like a wound treatment…it’s good for livestock“
BAHAHAHAHA! “Blue Note” as he is literally holding up a can that clearly says Blu-Kote. I love it! I’m starting to think Clayton Tucker SDEC-24 TX is actually a parody account of a guy pretending to be a moron trying to be a rancher and failing. There is no other explanation. NOBODY is this stupid!
Also, Blu-Kote is for abrasions and is a germicide/fungicide. It does NOT heal fractured legs or legs with internal injuries. Clayton is puzzled by the injury, however. He says it could have been a bite or a kick or a headbutt.
Now, I’m no fake rancher like Clayton Tucker, but we have had dogs, cats, chickens, goats, rabbits and other creatures running around my not-a-ranch here where I’ve lived over the last 12 years. And I can definitely tell the difference between a bite and something else. A bite breaks the skin and Blu-Kote might be helpful. But if my animal is limping around with no abrasions or broken skin, then Blu-Kote is a total waste of time, as it treats stuff like blisters, sores and lesions…not an internal fracture.
Love the videos! Keep em coming, Comrade!!
P.S. – why would a “help the AMERICAN farmer! The AMERICAN farmer is in trouble” guy be wearing a hat promoting Yanmar tractors – a Japanese company?? Very odd indeed.
Time for yet another Baby Seal Bashing. I do this for the same reason chicks go to the spa and get massages and facials. It’s therapeutic and makes them feel rejuvenated.
I also do this so that when this idiot runs for office again someday, his opponent has a massive treasure trove of evidence about how full of shit he really is and what a pathetic socialist bum he really is.
CHALLENGE: Pick out the “5th generation rancher” in the photo. The one who “always wears his iconic cowboy hat” and is a farmer, rancher AND cowboy!
Kristi Lara = HUGE Bernie-loving commie loser
What’s that? There IS no rancher in the photo? Give the man a cigar! You are 100% correct!
You see, this was in 2019, BEFORE he had invented his fake rancher persona. Back THEN, he was just a spoiled trust fund commie nerd who went to Bernie Sanders rallies with other dorks, while living with mommy.
Don’t believe it? Allow me to show you hard evidence….
“Clayton Tucker has lived in the city about one year. A 2013 graduate of Southwestern University, he is a teacher and writer.”
Was NOT a teacher OR a rancher in 2017 – just an unemployed bum. No mention here of being a “rancher”…again.
Wait, what??? He had only been in the City for “about one year”? How was he ranching if he wasn’t here in Lampasas on the family farm/ranch? The “5th generation rancher” only arrived in Lampasas in 2016?? How confusing.
Luckily, Trust Fund Tucker clears it all up in the next sentence when he tells us he is a “teacher and writer”. Oops! Zero mention of being a 5th generation rancher! Must have slipped his mind.
[He was not a teacher either, but that doesn’t stop him from lying to the Dispatch]
That is THRICE now he has been caught red-handed telling the public he is something OTHER than rancher or farmer. The third time was when he filled out the form to run for City council in 2021 and filled out the OCCUPATION box with “Political Organizer” – apparently forgetting AGAIN that he was a rancher!
So as it turns out, this moron is no hat AND no cattle!
Well, he may have NO hat and NO cattle, but he has “several goats“! Surely THAT is proof you are a real rancher.
Tell me you aren’t a rancher without telling me you aren’t a rancher!
Yeah, lots of “5th generation ranchers” who have been ranching for years and years go ape shit over a few baby goats being born. They can’t contain themselves and they name them all and then post endless photos on their social media accounts, too!
Surely a “5th generation rancher” has seen hundreds, nay THOUSANDS, of animals born. Yet she posted non-stop on social media about this like a 13-year-old girl from the Big City spotting her first deer out in the countryside.
Last year was a brutal one, if you made your living off of the land. We had 100-degree temps in early May, non-stop wind in April and May, close to zero rain in April and May also. By August, REAL ranchers were hurting badly.
REAL ranchers were posting stuff like this:
FAKE ranchers were posting stuff like THIS…
Clayton Tucker of Lampasas: fake hat, no cattle, “several goats” and many, many, many lies.
Say, that reminds me of a joke I heard once…
Two fake ranchers, Clayton and Beto, are driving down a dirt road when they come across Penny the donkey with her head stuck in the fence.
Beto says “Man I haven’t had any pussy in months!” He jumps out of the truck Prius and just starts banging the donkey like there’s no tomorrow.
Then Beto looks over at Clayton and says “Hey, do you want any of this?” Clayton replies “Sure….but do I have to put my head in the fence?”
You never know what inane and obscure cause our local socialist Comrade Clayton Tucker of Lampasas will take up next.
First it was free Covid vaccines for Africans or something. Now it’s the right to repair your own tractor.
Who cares WHAT you want, douchebag!
This is hilarious for several reasons:
(1) This socialist asswipe has spent his WHOLE LIFE demanding bigger and more intrusive government. Government that can forcibly tell you what car to drive, what to eat (less meat!), how much ethanol you have to have in your gas, what kind of stove you can have, whether you are “allowed” to own an AR-15 (Tucker says NO to that), etc. Then he gets butthurt about his “rights” being taken away by John Deere!
So he’s fine with the government telling you what to do from cradle to grave, but John Deere imposing a rule on him is absolutely out of the question.
(3) His family just bought a NEW tractor that isn’t even a Deere in the first place! Mind you, Clayton did not pay for this tractor, either – but he makes it sound like he had a hand in it….
Get more work done. LOL. Good one. The socialist wants you to think he works!!
(4) Clayton once did a hilarious video about this very issue a few years ago. He staged a maintenance issue out in a field while mowing with his grandpa’s tractor: “Hey look! My shear bolt broke! Say that reminds me…let’s talk about the right to repair!”
Anyways, Clayton then proceeded to “fix” grandpa’s tractor for his video audience – which consisted of sliding a new bolt into the hole and then tightening the nut on top. But he even managed to fuck THAT up. He used his wrench like a 7-year-old girl might hold it, if she was slightly mentally retarded:
“Derrr….me fix tractor!”
Yes, it is a good thing Lampasas socialist and fake farmer Clayton Tucker has a “memorandum of understanding” to “fix” “his” tractor! Otherwise all the crops might wither and die!
Hi! I’m Clayton Tucker. I don’t own a blue truck OR a red truck…or ANY kind of truck, for that matter. Turns out you don’t really need a truck when you are a virtual/fake rancher!
But I do these little photo shoots every now and then to give the impression I am a hard-working rancher – when in actuality, I am unemployed and live with my mom at age 32….
Old staged photo in front of truck that isn’t mine!
New staged photo in front of truck that isn’t mine!
On a personal note, you may find some joy in my latest ranch adventures. I bought my very first donkey this year, a real sweetheart named Penny (she is indeed a true TX Democrat!). I got her to protect our goats–of which we now have several, as I work to build up my family’s ranch.As it turns out, Penny arrived pregnant, so she was a two-for-one special! We named her baby boy Peso.
She’s a true Democrat? Why do you say that? Does she sleep til noon and then steal the food of the other animals who worked all day? The sad thing is she’s the closest thing to a girlfriend you will ever have…but something tells me you’ll be far more interested in her male offspring.
So after five generations of ranchers (or about 130 years), five generations of Tuckers have managed to amass a single donkey and you have “several” goats?
Impressive.
But why would you need to “build up” a ranch that has been in operation for 130 years, according to you? You are about to turn 32 years old. What the hell have you been doing for the last 10 years?
It also means, once again, that I TOO am a rancher and I didn’t even know it! I also had “several goats” and a donkey for about 4 or 5 years. I managed to accomplish that with two phone calls in the course of a week. But I hear you Tuckers are a little slow.
The other hole in his “fifth generation rancher” bullshit story is that he has said on a few occasions that his dad owned an auto parts store. I guess he was one of those “virtual ranchers” as well. Or maybe he shoveled shit once, which makes you a rancher in Clayton’s book.
Say, that reminds me….
Two fake ranchers, Clayton and Beto, are driving down a dirt road when they come across Penny the donkey with her head stuck in the fence.
Beto says “Man I haven’t had any pussy in months!” He jumps out of the truck Prius and just starts banging the donkey like there’s no tomorrow.
Then Beto looks over at Clayton and says “Hey, do you want any of this?” Clayton replies “Sure….but do I have to put my head in the fence?”
Insecure, 14-year-old ones with eating disorders, mostly….
Also, only a young chick would need an app to tell her to start at 9pm and end at 9pm the next day.
Wow…an 18 hour fast every day of the week? Impressive. Then again, it is easy not to eat when you don’t have a job or anything else to do so you can sleep til noon and then just sit around at Mom’s house all day on your laptop.
[Not to mention: it’s all bullshit like many pseudoscientific fads that chicks believe in like gluten-free diets, fibromyalgia, long-Covid, palm reading, wearing masks to stop Covid, etc.]
I do a 15 hour fast every fucking night between dinner and breakfast the next morning, now that I think about it. So you basically eat a late breakfast and early dinner. But it sounds so much better to call it a “fast” and put it on an app. Just more evidence of the most pussified generation ever: patting yourself on the back for cramming all your meals into six hours.
Millennial pussies: never have lives less-lived been more-documented.
What’s next, Sally? Maybe a juice cleanse before grabbing mom’s Thigh Master? Or maybe post some photos of a dessert you had while out with the boyfriend? Maybe a strawberry daiquiri?
If I was Clayton Tucker’s dad and had this unemployed pussy living under my roof at age 32, I’d be over at Lampasas Beer Market getting hammered every night. Then I’d stagger home wasted and challenge her to feats of strength while poking her in the sternum and calling her an embarrassment to the family.
I might also yell at my wife for mollycoddling him and turning him into such a pussy in the first place. Mom probably gave him presents on OTHER kid’s birthdays when he started crying.
The guy who claims to be a rancher is going to fast to lose weight! LOL. You know how REAL ranchers lose weight? Doing their job everyday and busting their asses out in the real world. They don’t lay in bed at their parents’ house all day complaining about how faint they feel because they haven’t eaten all day.
One thing that Chairman of the Lampasas County Democrats (and socialist) Clayton Tucker excels at is telling everyone how the world SHOULD be. He sees himself sitting on the throne telling everyone what to do to bring about his socialist utopia while doing absolutely nothing himself for his entire adult life:
“I will fight to end hunger!”. That is hilarious coming from a guy who claims to be a “farmer” AND a “rancher”. He has claimed both of those things for a very long time:
Seems to me, you don’t need to be a state senator or a politician of ANY kind to “feed the hungry”. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves, produce food, and then give it away or sell it really cheap. You even have FREE land and equipment that your grandpa (not you) owns and you pretend is yours!
Yet you don’t appear to do any of that.
So I have a few questions for Comrade Clayton, our local socialist who wants to “fight to end hunger”:
#1 – How many pounds of veggies or fruit have you donated from your “farm” to the local food bank (the mission over there on 4th street literally 5 blocks from your parents house where you live upstairs)?
#2 – How many pounds of meat have you donated from your “ranch”?
#3 – How much food have you sold at our local farmer’s market here? Seems to me that it is a great way to “support rural communities”, as you constantly blather about.
What’s that? Zero pounds of food donated to anyone?? So you’re just a selfish miserly asshole who keeps all his veggies and meat to himself without handing over a single thing to the poor and downtrodden??
OR…are you a lying asshole who actually ISN’T a farmer or a rancher but just pretends to be one so he has a better chance of being elected and sitting on his ass giving orders all day?
