The first week of May 2021 was an incredible week. Pretty sure I had my first double orgasm. What brought me to this paroxysm of joy? Two events:
#1 – Local socialist Clayton Tucker was beaten like a rented mule in his City council race against Zac Morris. It was beautiful to behold. Poor Comrade Clayton had marched all around his neighborhood in the cold March and April weather knocking on doors. In the end, he was humiliated by 34 points. Thus was the “Baby Seal” moniker born.
I should have done a Netflix special about it – like Baby Reindeer. Which was awesome, by the way.
#2 – Local dipshit gets drunk, flies down Howe street at 114mph, launches his car into the air and lands on the roof of Jack Harrell’s house. I found this so amusing I have used it as the banner of this blog ever since.
From what I heard, as local dipshit lay on the ground bleeding profusely and his girlfriend was gravely injured he was mostly concerned about his car being wrecked: “oh man…my car!”
I picture Harrell running around in his underwear at 1:30 in the morning trying to put out fires in his driveway. My favorite quote?
“I thought I saw a flash through my eyelids”
I hear ya, pal! Me too!! It was orgasmic.
Cars launching onto roofs….flamboyantly gay adoption agency owners being shut down for who knows what (whatever happened to all that?)…crazy old German ladies taking shits on her employees on the front page of the newspaper…a dumb ass socialist who thinks he can run the economy but still lives with his mom…a quasi-retarded garden gnome who has blown over $50,000 on a small hobby garden…her idiot far-left daughter moving here from Austin to try and hide her Marxist past….a group of ding dongs wasting $7.4 million on an empty patch of goat pasture. We have it all!
God damn I love this town. Never a dull moment.