It’s been YEARS since a scumbag politician I detest has dropped dead and allowed me to celebrate joyously. Considering how many of them I detest and how old all these rat bastards are, this is quite shocking from a statistical standpoint.
Perhaps wishing upon a star will hurry it along.
Paul Wellstone – dead in 2002 (plane crash, age 58 – THAT was a gift!)
Ted Kennedy – dead in 2009. I remember dozens of people texting me at 6am to tell me this. They all knew how much I hated this scumbag. I stood outside the bar that morning and waited for it to open to celebrate.
John McCain – dead in 2018 (I had a loooong nine-year wait after Ted). I heard about that brain tumor while driving on I-35 and literally WHOOPED in joy. Huge piece of shit.
Sheila Jackson Lee – Dead at 74 after badmouthing Trump. July 19, 2024.
Nancy Pelosi – 85 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 16-1 3-1 (fractured hip)
Mitch McConnell – 83 years old. Odds of dying in the next year:5-1 (constant glitching)
Maxine Waters – 86 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 10-1
Rosa DeLauro – 82 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 20-1
Bernie Sanders – 83 years old. Odds of dying next year 10-1
John Kerry – 81 years old. Odds of dying in next year: 14-1
Dick “Dirtbag” Durbin – 80 years old. Odds of dying: 15-1
Ed Markey – 78 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 19-1
Chuck Schumer – 74 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 30-1
Hillary Clinton – 77 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 35-1
Sherrod Brown – 72 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 40-1
Alexandria Ocrazio-Cortex – 35 years old. Yeah, a 900-1 longshot but one can always dream of her getting Wellstoned.