It’s been YEARS since a scumbag politician I detest has dropped dead and allowed me to celebrate joyously. Considering how many of them I detest and how old all these rat bastards are, this is quite shocking from a statistical standpoint.
Perhaps wishing upon a star will hurry it along.
Paul Wellstone – dead in 2002 (plane crash, age 58 – THAT was a gift!)
Ted Kennedy – dead in 2009. I remember dozens of people texting me at 6am to tell me this. They all knew how much I hated this scumbag. I stood outside the bar that morning and waited for it to open to celebrate.
John McCain – dead in 2018 (I had a loooong nine-year wait after Ted). I heard about that brain tumor while driving om I-35 and literally WHOOPED in joy. Huge piece of shit.
Maxine Waters – 84 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 13-1
Nancy Pelosi – 83 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 19-1
Mitch McConnell – 81 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 12-1
John Kerry – 79 years old. Odds of dying in next year: 18-1
Dick “Dirtbag” Durbin – 78 years old. Odds of dying: 18-1
Ed Markey – 76 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 24-1
Chuck Schumer – 72 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 39-1
Hillary Clinton – 75 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 40-1
Sheila Jackson Lee – 73 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 41-1
Sherrod Brown – 70 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 45-1
Alexandria Ocrazio-Cortex – 33 years old. Yeah, a 1000-1 longshot but one can always dream of her getting Wellstoned.