One of my favorite songs (from a catchy tune and funny lines standpoint) is the Gaston song from Beauty and the Beast.
No one plots like Gaston,
Takes cheap shots like Gaston,
Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Gaston.
It occurred to me recently during a three-hour lawn mowing and beer drinking adventure that Clayton and Baby Beluga were like Fruity and the Beast. The song practically wrote itself by the third drink.
I have embedded the original song and added MY lyrics below so you can sing along.
[I would LOVE to have AI redo the video and music using my new words. If anyone out there is skilled enough to do that, email me at lampasshole@protonmail.com.]
Gosh it elates me to see you, Clayton
Hitting all those campaign bumps,
Every guy here’d like to BEAT you, Clayton
Leaving your face filled with lumps.
There’s no boy in town as pathetic as you,
You’re everyone’s favorite joke,
Everyone snickers and giggles at you,
It’s because you are such a huge strooooooke.
No one’s white as Clayton
Makes up shite like Clayton
No one bangs barnyard animals quite like Clayton!
For there’s no kid in town quite as faggy,
Or who wears such a fake cowboy hat
Like a crone he is bitchy and naggy
And his fast-food addiction has left him quite fat!
No one lies like Clayton
Sucks off guys like Clayton
No one loves shots of cum in his eyes like Clayton!
“Yes, I really enjoy a bukkake spraying!”
My what a guy! That Clayton
[Cheering]
No one’s dumb as Clayton
Lives with mum like Clayton
No one sucks on the cock of Islam like Clayton!
For there’s no one as flabby or scrawny
You can see he is shaped like a pear.
Not a bit of him manly or brawny
Just a weak socialist who demands free health care!
No one bores like Clayton
Blows cash hoards like Clayton
No one jerks off to ERCOT dashboards like Clayton!
“I’m exceptionally awesome at masturbating”
“At the start of this thing, I told three dozen lies while yapping on random podcasts
And now nine months later it’s FIVE dozen lies, I can’t stop pulling shit from my aaaaaassssssss!”
No one brays like Clayton
“Bails” hay like Clayton
No one’s truck’s as incredibly gay as Clayton’s!
“I sit down on the toilet for urinating!”
Oh what a guy! Clay Taaaahhhn!!