Business Pork Prospects – Part III (PhoLicious)

We covered Nextlink in the last segment. It’s time to look at PhoLicious.

PHOLICIOUS: You gotta love the owners. They came out of nowhere and have a kick-ass little spot across from Hoffpauir Feed Store, they’re on Amazon, they have a slick website, they both seem SUPER nice. They quit their old jobs (thanks Covid!) and took the plunge. I have zero doubt they put in 16 hour days and kill themselves to make it work. They are the quintessential small business owner taking risk and working hard to build something of value.

In other words, the exact OPPOSITE of Julie Landrum at Wool & Vine.

I hope they are a raging success and make a million bucks.

BUT – does that make them a realistic candidate as a viable tenant for the $7.1 million dollar Business Pork and all the infrastructure it entails?

Sadly, no. For several reasons:

#1 Their HUGE pressing need is just plain old space. Just a big, empty warehouse. I’m guessing that a MASSIVE percentage of their business is actually the Amazon side of things. I’ve seen their Facebook videos of piles and piles of boxes (filled with the kits) and there’s just no way they are selling all that in town here. The owner also admitted to me during a chat that they REALLY need warehouse space.

She also lamented the ridiculous cost of land around town. I agreed. There are a hell of a lot of property owners who are deluded about what their building is worth – which is why we have MANY empty building sitting around town.

Here is a thought: call up the owner of one of these empty buildings that is sitting there earning $0 in rent and offer to use it as a warehouse. I can think of a few immediately:

Rutlands. This was supposed to be turned into lofts, according to an article from THREE YEARS ago. It sits there – big and empty and waiting to hold Pho boxes.

“Millican’s Dry Goods” eyesore that sits on the square right next to Windsor Foods and the county offices. I’ve been inside that spot. It is massive. I believe the owners live in Kempner or Cove. Make them an offer.

The old AmVets building. Pretty sure it’s empty ever since Twisted Oak went under. That’s also a huge spot.

#2 They are in a cut-throat business and have only been around a short while. There is no guarantee they will be around in two years (it will be at LEAST another 18 months before the Business Pork is ‘shovel ready’ for the second time).

On Amazon, they are competing with the likes of “Phonomenal” and about a dozen other Pho makers. PhoLicious needs to get their price down about 20% if they hope to compete long term. I know this because my best friend is former VP of global operations for Golden State Foods and he knows the business.

[In fact, if PhoLicious happens to read this and wants to pick his brain, contact me at lampasshole@protonmail.com]

#3 They don’t really employ anyone right now. I think it’s just the two of them doing everything themselves. Maybe have another body or two at $15/hr to put the kits together, but we are not talking a huge amount of jobs here. Certainly not enough to justify $7.1 million dollars in land, roads, electricity, water, etc that the Business Pork has committed to.

In conclusion: while I certainly hope they hit it big, there is a lot of uncertainty here and not really the potential for massive jobs (like, say, Ajinomoto Windsor type jobs). If their financials are solid and prospects good, they should be able to EASILY get a bank loan (if needed) and secure some warehouse rental space that is badly needed to reach the next level.

Damn, all this talk about pho is making me hungry. I think I’ll head up to Pholicious and grab a beef pho kit!

P.S. – it’s funny to me that LEDC is bending over backwards for a tiny, brand-new, yet-to-be-proven little “food production” operation when they told Anijimoto Foods to go fuck themselves in 2016 when Ajinomoto offered to bring TWO HUNDRED MORE JOBS to Lampasas. Classic LEDC stupidity. Ironically, Talbert, Monroe and Williamson were all on city council at that time too.

Make City Council Great Again!

Yesterday when I picked up the kid from school, I noticed a dog trotting down the street.

It had some hard excrement stuck to its matted fur just to the left of his asshole. This reminded me of City council a little bit.

You see, eventually that hardened turd will fall off and his bum can be clean again. Just like city council can be awesome again. We just need to remove some turds.

Like Cathy Kuehne.

Be sure to vote ABC in May (Anyone But Cathy)

Didya Know? (Industrial Park Edition)

I decided to start a new feature here called “Didya Know?”. It will be a collection of crazy quotes/facts I find from the archived minutes of City council and the LEDC that wildly contradict their current actions and statements.

It is meant to remind citizens (and the bureaucrats/politicians themselves) of all the empty promises and Big Plans that were made and that never came to fruition.

Hopefully, THAT will lead current council members and citizens to take all of these CURRENT grandiose plans with a grain of salt and to view promises of big returns with a skeptical eye.

DIDYA KNOW??

The ‘industrial park’ that the LEDC is now about to lease out for ‘1-2 years’ for “RV and boat storage” was ORIGINALLY intended “to promote economic development with a discounted lease for the business owneras long as primary jobs were created.” [page 20 under Current Development]

Call me crazy, but letting some guy have the land cheap so he can rent it out for RV and boat storage doesn’t sound to me like it’s going to create ANY jobs, let alone those of the “primary” type. Sounds like a big eyesore that benefits one person, to be honest.

Yet another example of the LEDC being rudderless while going in 12 different directions at once and accomplishing nothing at all.

Business Pork Prospects – Part II

We covered the first two Business Pork prospects in Part I a few days ago. Let’s look into the other supposed prospects that are going to fill the LEDC’s beloved Goat Pasture and bring in all those piles of money and jobs.

NEXTLINK INTERNET: Seems like a legit and kick-ass company. They sounded too good to be true when they first showed up in the area and their name is unfortunately similar to the much-hated “Suddenlink” – but my neighbor five miles down the road swears by Nextlink. I’m actually having a tech come out to check my location next week. If it’s all they say it is, I get triple the product at half the cost compared to my current provider (Viasat).

So they pass the first test: they are legit, offering a product people want at a great price and they aren’t going to disappear in 9 months, most likely.

The next question is what their actual needs are in terms of space. The main headquarters are up in Hudson Oaks, as near as I can tell. So Talbert and the LEDC can forget about some huge corporate headquarters landing in the Business Pork. That ain’t gonna happen.

The best you’re going to do is a little satellite office – which Nextlink obviously already has. In fact, they are out there on 580 East with all the other commercial enterprises! They are literally a block east of the LEDC’s very own Industrial Park they are trying so hard to fill! Crazy, right??

Shitty ‘industrial park’ weed patch. Not to be confused with the ‘business pork’ weed patch.

Almost makes me wonder why the LEDC wasn’t on-the-ball enough to hook Nextlink up with their shitty “Industrial Park” back when they moved into the area last year! As you can see in the photo, the Economic development team was nowhere to be found. The fact that Nextlink did their own thing and steered clear of the Talbert, Walsh and the other LEDC buffoons makes me think that owner Chris Huffman is a brilliant man, indeed.

Internet service provider Nextlink holds ribbon-cutting
Ribbon cutting April 2021…NOT in the Industrial Park!

Somehow, Nextlink found that spot on 580 east and managed to thrive without any involvement from Talbert, Walsh or the other LEDC Keystone Kops. It is a very big, nice, kick-ass location and it appears that is all they need to function for the foreseeable future.

It’s also odd that Nextlink somehow managed to find a great commercial spot over there when Talbert keeps assuring us that there is “no more commercial space in Lampasas – the Business Pork is it”. Very odd indeed!

More reviews coming soon…

LEDC Literally Has No Idea What To Do With The Business Pork

Funny what you find in the archives sometimes.

It’s been hilarious watching the LEDC and Talbert trying to make a case for why blowing ANOTHER $2.7 million on the Business Pork is so awesome and necessary.

FIRST it was all about “jobs” it would bring. HUNDREDS of them, probably!

THEN it was all about the property taxes it would generate (which is nonsense).

THEN it was all about selling electricity to them. More nonsense.

THEN after they screwed it all up so badly and nobody moved in, they talked about selling it all and making it residential, which Talbert pooh poohed because that just wouldn’t generate much income. She explained all that to Zac Morris during her Valentines Day Begging.

(Of course, she had no problem handing Deorald Finney $72,000 in free stuff for HIS residential development. Nor did she have a problem with handing her formal City council buddy Chris Harrison $185,000 for HIS new company (S2M2) and THEIR development:)

“Econ dev” makes sense only for former City council chums, apparently

But if you go WAY back into ancient history (Jan 2015), you can see that the LEDC WAS planning to just sell the land to developers as recently as then! From the minutes (page 2 under “Staff Updates”):

“The refinancing of the land is considered taxable becauseit was purchased with the intent to sell land for private development…LEDC does not have enough revenue to pay off the existing loan and take on the additional debt service…one of the ways to offset the additional interest is to pay down the land loanwhen property is sold to a developer.“

Wow. So for a LARGE portion of the Business Pork history, the intent was to just sell off the land to developers and let THEM incur the expense of developing it.

As much as Talbert likes to portray herself as a leader who is “committed to this project”, it is clear that they have changed their minds over and over about the direction of the Business Pork.

A slightly less-charitable way of putting it would be that they have no fucking idea what they are doing.

Handing millions of dollars to the likes of Talbert, TJ Monroe and the other dingbats to play in the sand on south 183 is like handing a bottle of whiskey and car keys to a teenaged boy. The results are just as predictable.

City Not Done Blowing Money On Old City Hall (aka Jack Calvert Building)

This entire blog exists solely due to City council wasting almost $100,000 on an A/V system for an opulent new council chambers back in July of 2018. The colossal waste of tax money fired a rage in me that is still burning here to this day, clearly.

That was just the tip of the iceberg as City council ended up blowing around $1.5 million to “renovate” Old City Hall and give themselves a fancy new council chambers. Initially, some members of council balked at an estimated cost around $700,000 (which was DOUBLE what they had budgeted at $350,000).

Of course, they ended up not only blowing the $700,000 but another $800,000 on top of it. The waste and incompetence was chronicled here in excruciating detail. Misti Talbert and Chuck “The Vampire” Williamson were instrumental in keeping the monstrosity alive.

You’d think they’d be done wasting money on it by now – seeing as how they had a big fancy dedication in December of 2019.

You’d be wrong.

Listed in the possible uses for a new $6,300,000 bond offering they will be discussing in three days time (possible cost to taxpayer of$9,143,000over 20 years – page 111) is this gem:

Upper pressure plane = where Deorald Finney built his 67 houses with subsidies from City council

ANOTHER quarter million to be spent on their vanity project. You know, for lighting and shrubs and stuff.

My god.

I guess the new official total for the Talbert ‘Wow factor’ Vanity project will be more like $1,750,000 before it is all said and done.

Reviewing Business Pork Project Prospective Tenants

After I asked several times for the names of the “about four” business pork project prospects who were “serious”, I was finally given the following list:

Eco-Flex Recycled Rubber Solutions, Lawson Implements, Nextlink Internet, Legacy Awning and Shade, and PhoLicious.

We were told by Mandy Walsh herself that “three of the four are manufacturing companies”, but from the above list, I really don’t see how that is possible. You can MAYBE make the case that two of them are.

Then again, when you are asking City council for more millions for your Business Pork project, it sounds FAR better to say “manufacturing” than “a small place that sells awnings”.

As luck would have it, I have knowledge of all of these companies. Even though City council has already committed to the (in my opinion) fiscally reckless course of throwing more good money after bad at the Business Pork project, I am going to review each company here in the next few posts and see if the LEDC excitement about each of them is warranted.

Let’s start with the obvious turd in the punchbowl: Eco-Flex

ECO-FLEX: the CEO (Alan Champagne) is a proven liar and scumbag. His associate here, Mike Cour, is also a slimy con man who was involved in Triton Financial – who was sued for defrauding investors in Austin, TX.

They were the “secret prospect” for the Business Pork back in 2020 and apparently blew up the deal when they asked for not only free land, but an outright handout of $1.75 million dollars. Not even the LEDC is that stupid.

Eco-Flex has already proven to be a dud and I can’t believe they are actually STILL placed on a list of serious prospects for the Business Pork. The LEDC must truly be scraping the bottom of the barrel to include these scumbags. Chances they actually move in and become a viable tenant that produces any kind of return for anyone is 0%.

LAWSON IMPLEMENTS: It just so happens I bought my tractor from Lawson in Hamilton back in 2014. Nice people. They also have a place in Goldthwaite. I currently use Mustang Equipment in Marble Falls when I need service – and it is a very similar setup: a place on the side of the road with a small sales shop, a shop in back for mechanical work and some acreage to display the machines and implements like shredders and tillers.

This is definitely not the type of place that needs a $7.1 million dollar infrastructure to exist. Just go drive by Mustang Equipment in Marble Falls to see what I mean. I’m guessing Lawson managed to open their places in Hamilton and Goldthwaite without any help from any “economic development corporation”. They have been around over 80 years. If they want a nice spot to display their wares and put in a storefront, why doesn’t the LEDC offer them that lovely 5-acre eyesore they call the Industrial Park??

I guess Misti forgot about the Industrial Park property they own when she said “there is no more commercial space in Lampasas…the Business Pork is it”:

Lawson basically needs to throw up a metal building to start operations. Lookie there! There is even electricity right there already! No need for $7.1 million in new roads and waster/wastewater. Maybe I’ll call Lawson myself and suggest that!

I’m guessing a place like Mustang in Marble Falls (or the Kuboda dealer across the street) employs maybe 10 or 12 people TOPS. Again, nowhere near the “hundreds of jobs” nonsense we hear out of Talbert’s mouth when she touts the Business Pork project here. There is PLENTY of commercial space out there on 580 east for Lawson to put in a storefront.

More coming soon…..

LEDC/City FINALLY Coughs Up Names Of Prospects For The Business Pork Project. Color Me Unimpressed.

Right around the time LEDC president and former mayor Misti Talbert went in front of her former council chums to beg for nearly a million dollars, Mandy Walsh (Economic Development Director) told us publicly that the LEDC had six prospects and that “about four are serious”:

My bullshit detector always rings very loudly when bureaucrats say “about” when describing a tiny number like four. Either it’s “four” or it’s “three” or it’s “five”. If it was five, I guarantee you they would be trumpeting “FIVE!” to show how in-demand their business pork project is. Since they can’t even admit it is “four” but it’s “ABOUT four”, you can bet your ass the real number is three.

Maybe.

The fact that even SHE admits that two of them are NOT serious means they are definitely 100% bullshit. Like, Mike Cour and Eco-Strong level bullshit.

She also tells us that “three of the four are manufacturing companies”.

OK…manufacturers of what? What are their names? I don’t think that’s an unreasonable request considering they will have wasted over $7.1 million dollars on this farce before all the debt is paid off. Not to mention they got burned by local charlatan Mike Cour and Eco-Strong the LAST TIME they claimed they had a solid prospect.

So I asked them last week to just provide me the NAMES of the four companies but instead the ever-transparent City Hall told me to take a hike:

“…at this time, pursuant to the LEDC policy and State laws, neither the LEDC or the City will be disclosing the names of any potential prospects for the future Phase 1 Industrial Park Project.” [email dated 2/16/22]

Well, I didn’t take that too well. Especially since we have already been through this once when they were keeping Eco-Strong a secret. I pressed on:

In regards to my request for the names of current business park prospects:

We already had a ruling on that 552.131(a) stuff a year ago (March of 2021).  The Assistant AG (James Coggeshall) sided with me on a good chunk of it, actually (see attached, page 3).  Since there is no “financial information”, or “negotiations” or “trade secrets” or “competitive harm” or “information about financial or other incentive” being asked for by me, it seems to me that you should produce the basic information I am requesting.

Mandy Walsh mentioned PUBLICALLY (see attached snapshot) there are four “serious” prospects for the biz park and three are in manufacturing.  I am formally requesting the names of the four companies and nothing more about them. Just the names.

If I am denied this information, I’ll get my lawyer involved yet again, and this time since this has already been decided on and it’s costing me $$ to go through it again, I am not against also suing the City to recover my attorney fees.  

This can all be over quickly and painlessly (and will save thousands of dollars with JC Brown) by just typing out those four names for me.  Thanks!

Pretty simple request. It could be answered in 5 minutes. But it wasn’t. Instead I get more vague hints as to what it may be. From the City secretary:

I can provide you the following that have shown interest.

  • Communication, Technology and Regional Training Center
  • Food Manufacturing, Packaging and Distribution Center
  • Road and Construction Material Manufacturer
  • Agricultural  and Equipment Sales & Servicing
  • Home Furnishings Merchant Wholesaler

Well, first of all, that list is five items long, and Mandy says there are only four serious prospects – she also says that 3 of the 4 are in “manufacturing”. So that means three of the four items on the above list are nonsense if we use logic. Either that, or Mandy is lying. Or Misti is lying. Considering the history of the LEDC and the Business Pork Project, anything is possible.

Secondly: “food manufacturing, packaging and distribution center“? You mean kind of like Ajinomoto Foods which is ALREADY HERE in town? The VERY SAME Ajinomoto Foods that offered to bring the City 200 jobs AND $300,000 in cash and the City TURNED THEM DOWN back in 2016?

In fairness, Mandy was not around in 2016, but Misti Talbert and TJ Monroe sure as hell were. So was Chuck “The Vampire” Williamson. All three of those idiots are now sitting there today approving the expenditure of $7.1 million for phantom jobs from secret companies two years from now when they could have had 200 REAL jobs at no cost back in 2016.

Anyhow, the City has FINALLY coughed up their “serious prospects” and there are apparently five of them:

Lawson Implement, Inc.

PhoLicious, LLC

Legacy Awning & Shade

Eco-Flex Recycled Rubber Solutions

Nextlink Internet

Over the next few posts I’ll dissect these prospects and why they all fail a basic smell test for the $7.1 million dollar business pork project.

Justice of the Peace Handicapping

I’ve lived in Lampasas almost 11 years now and never once heard anyone utter the words “justice of the peace” but apparently this particular race is really riling up both sides. I’ve never heard so much chatter about anything.

If only those same people would get fired up about the LEDC wasting $7 million dollars or City council wasting $1.4 million for the Hostess House “facelift”.

Ah well.

I have no horse in the JP race and can’t vote anyways since I’m outside the area – but here is my total semi-pro guesswork handicapping for the race:

Mercer -150

Wakeman +120

Munn +300

Clayton “Baby Seal” Tucker Taps Out. Will Not Run For City Council

I have to say, I’m a little disappointed. Our local socialist seal has apparently had enough clubbing for a while.

In the infamous words of Roberto Duran: “no mas!”

This is confusing to me, because just a few months ago, Tucker was talking tough about bringing his shitty, Marxist/commie nonsense to rural areas:

Correction: NOT a rancher

“We ain’t scared of no one!” No one except, of course, the hundreds of voters who would no doubt reject Comrade Clayton’s brand of bullshit for the fifth time in a row (Texas senate, Texas House 54, City council election last year PLUS his attempts to weasel onto City council by appointment AND his attempt to get onto the LEDC board recently).

After being clubbed those five times, it is no wonder his baby seal corpse will be lying motionless during this City council election.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is 5c4226dfb53623af.jpg

Clayton will be showing that “we are here and we are present” by hiding in his parents’ upstairs bedroom (where he still lives at age 31) for the duration of this City council election.

What a shame.

In more bad news, incumbent City councilman Chuck “The Vampire” Williamson will be running unopposed.

As you may recall, Chuck was stomped in his last election, but a stroke of Covid luck removed his victor (Gordon Nelson) from council and the woman who pulls his puppet strings just went ahead re-appointed him to council anyways – thus bringing him back from the dead yet again.

With nobody running against him, he will be free to sit next to TJ Monroe as her ventriloquist’s dummy for another two years. Brutal.

Final slate:

Office of Councilmember Place 3

  • Name: Chuck Williamson (incumbent) unopposed
  • Occupation: Retired
  • Date filed for re-election: January 19, 2022

Office of Councilmember Place 4

  • Name: Cathy Kuehne (incumbent)
  • Occupation: Teacher/Business Owner
  • Date filed for re-election: January 19, 2022
  • Name: Myles Haider
  • Occupation: Business Owner
  • Date filed: January 19, 2022

Office of Councilmember Place 5

  • Name: Bob Goodart (incumbent)
  • Occupation: Retired
  • Date filed for re-election: January 19, 2022
  • Name: Davis Keele
  • Occupation: Probation Officer
  • Date filed: February 18, 2022