I found a new moron on Lampasas County Breaking News who immediately belongs up in the highest ranks of imbeciles with Haywood, Fitzharris and Johnson. His nom de plume is Hubert Humperdink…although a more fitting pseudonym would have been Hubert Humpback Whale.
His real name is Heath Bishop – and he is a morbidly obese 7-11 clerk.
I thought black was a slimming color?
Hubert is angry at you “plague rats” who want to breathe your “rotten lung air” all over him. He thinks you are selfish for not wanting to wear a dirty diaper over your mouth 10 hours a day. He cares about his health, as you can see from his photo ^^
Right on, Trenton!!
Hubert Humpback is right to be scared of Covid. He is morbidly obese. Morbid obesity is THE NUMBER ONE co-morbidity when it comes to dying with Covid.
How did Mister Humpback become this way? Did the Lard Fairy visit one night and turn Hubert into the grotesque apparition you see before you?
The face of George Costanza + the head of a glans penis + the body of a humpback = lady killer
Did you and I jam cupcakes, 64-oz sodas and Eve’s spaetzel wtih brown butter sauce into his mouth constantly over these last forty years? No. We did not. Mister Humpback did that to himself because he lacks willpower and self respect:
Not a plate. Not a bowl. Not even a trough. A BATHTUB. Talk about gluttony.
Humperdick thinks we are all ignorant rednecks for thinking masks aren’t worth a shit against a tiny aerosolized virus.
Doesn’t restrict breathing?? Wanna bet Humpback has a desk job and not a job waiting tables or stocking shelves?
Funny that Humpback thinks doctors are SUPER SMART but never listened to his own doctor over the last 40 years when he certainly told Humpback to drop about 120 pounds or he’d be in an early grave.
We ignorant rednecks understand intuitively that an aerosolized fart goes right through your underwear, your denim jeans and can easily be smelled by a person three feet away with or without a mask. That is because farts – like the coronavirus and cigarette smoke – are aerosolized and pass easily through fabrics. The egghead “genius” scientists are finally admitting the obvious:
In short, Humperdick, if you are morbidly obese, slapping a mask on your face isn’t gonna help you. Get off the CDC website, take the mask off, and go outside to get some sunshine (vitamin D!) and take a walk, for crying out loud! America desperately needs to man up and stop acting like hysterical cowards.
Lady, you need a hobby. Clearly, only having your lemonade stand open 3 days a week isn’t keeping you occupied enough. Maybe take a vacation. You could take that $3,000 in tax dollars that Mandy Clause gave you and take a nice long trip to North Korea.
“What’s it gonna be?“, “Call it one way or another” – who in the hell died and made YOU pope? How about “stfu and mind your own business, you rat“? That’s MY suggestion in this situation.
Wash your hands! Eat your peas! Don’t run with scissors! Bobby is chewing gum in class!
I have zero doubt that Nurse Ratched was a Hall Monitor back in grade school. She’s probably the type who would be out after the bars close at 2am when the streets are absolutely empty, and stands there waiting for the “WALK” sign to light up despite there not being a car in sight for miles.
I used to wonder how the Salem Witch Trials got started. What type of moron would lose all rational thinking and fall head first into hysteria. Now I know.
Trump literally has every co-morbidity out there: old, fat and male. He’s already feeling better than I do with a Monday morning hangover. When he makes a full recovery, it will hopefully be the end of this Covid stupidity and we can all get on with life…
He’s the guy who actually had the nerve to ask City council to waive pretty much every building fee they charge (loss of about $31,000 to City coffers) AND to provide free electrical hookups to each house – at a cost to the City of $72,000. Oh, and to hand over another $53,000 or so for other drainage/street stuff (3/29/19 front page).
City council nitwits TJ Monroe and Chuck Williamson voted to give him every single break he asked for (don’t forget that Chuck is up for re-election very soon!). They lost that vote 2-5.
Luckily, cooler heads prevailed and they only gave him everything he wantedMINUS waiving all building permits [5-2 vote – see Dispatch from 3/29/19 front page article]. Monroe and Williamson voted against the reduced package since they wanted to hand MORE free stuff to Finney.
I recall Mike White’s common-sense statement back in the 3/29/19 edition of the Dispatch (page 11): “If I’m building a house, I don’t get a fee waived”.
Bravo, sir. Monroe and Williamson don’t see it that way, apparently.
As early as July 17th, 2018 (page 10), Talbert was fine with handing out the $72,000 in candy. Her logic? The city would be willing to consider “doing the electric [infrastructure] at our cost because [it is] an enterprise for us; we do sell electric service.”
No shit? Then why does the City have a hookup fee at all for anybody?? Everyone else buys electric service too!
When Deorald was arguing for all the sweetheart deals, he said the houses would sell for between $150k and $180k (1/4/19 page 10):
“Finney estimated home prices would range from $150,000-$180,000”.
Hmmm. Weird, because one of them is currently listed at over $200,000 right now. Link here.
That $200k is THIRTY-FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS MORE per house than the mid-point estimate he gave to the City. Multiply that by 67 houses and you are looking at over $2.3 million extra windfall dollars in Deorald’s pocket. Good thing the City handed him all that free shit. If they hadn’t done that, he may have been forced to live in a puny 5,000 square foot hovel….instead of the opulent mansion he is currently bragging about on Facebook:
Poor guy. Barely scraping by selling those Stone Valley houses. Without that $72,000 fee waiver from Misti and The Gang, he might have to live in a house WITHOUT corbels! The horror.
I sure hope City council gets invited over for the mansionwarming party! Or maybe get invited on a trip to Hawaii or something. Anything to show his thanks for City council being such suckers with City money.
$72,000 buys some nice trips to Hawaii, doesn’t it??
Here is a video of developers grabbing City of Lampasas tax dollars over the last few years. If you look closely, you can see Deorald and “Greasy” Chris Harrison in there!
Less than a month ago, the county was performing only 52 tests per day:
They managed to squeeze 3 more active cases out of those tests – or a 5.7% positivity rate.
NOW, at the end of the month, they somehow managed to bang out 1085 tests(4500 to 5585) in just 4 days – or 271 tests per day! Well over FIVE TIMES the old rate. The result? ONE new active case:
Only ONE additional active case after 1085 tests….or a .092% positivity rate.
Misti posted her first “Covid update” on June 9th. By then we had 10 confirmed cases. So I’ll be generous and assume they started testing on June 1st, even though we KNOW it started much earlier.
So FOUR months have passed since then – and they have administered 5585 tests. That works out to about 46 tests per day over that period. Yet over 19% of ALL tests in that period happened in just THE LAST FOUR DAYS at a rate of 271 tests per day.
Like a duck furiously paddling its feet under the water where you cannot see them, so is the county furiously ramping up testing to keep that ridiculous “active case” number high. Who in the hell is going in for all these tests?? Are they forcing these poor high school sports kids to get 3 tests a week or something? Absolutely idiotic.
In fact, if you assume just a ONE PERCENT false positive rate (which many experts agree is a reasonable estimate) – that would give us an accidental 10 or 11 “active cases” per 1000 tests in our county that are actually not active at all.
Has it occurred to any of you Branch Covidian dummies that there may ALWAYS be about 25 people in the county who will test positive for Covid in a random sampling of 22,000 people? Like, forever and ever? Much as I would assume that at any given time in Lampasas County there are maybe 60 people home sick with a regular old head cold on any given day in a population of 22,000? It is just a fact of life. Get over it.
Too bad Governor Wheelchair didn’t pull the arbitrary number of “30” active cases out of his ass a few months ago instead of “20” as the magic limit. We would have been “under the limit” this entire time and the Branch Covidian cult members could calm down and shut up about masks for a while. Maybe every kid in school over 10 years old wouldn’t also be breathing their own filth 40 hours a week either.
I am always METICULOUS about linking to my sources but I guess some people are too stupid or lazy to click on a link. So I will lay it all out right here – AGAIN – in a picture format more suitable for a lazy eight-year-old child to understand.
The City did NOT take the lowest bid for the elevator project. They took a bid FAR HIGHER to “keep it local”:
This is known as a FACT. Not libel.
The elevator ultimately (somehow) morphed from $119,532 into $128,400 – an increase of 7.4%:
$128,400 MINUS $96,605 = $31,795 difference in elevator prices….or about 33% HIGHER. This is known as a FACT. Not libel.
Finley said the elevator was holding up the Old City Hall project. It was supposed to be ready around March 2019. It wasn’t [link to minutes 3/25/19 page 4]:
September 17, 2019 quote in Lampasas Dispatch. Elevator NOT COMPLETED. FACT…not libel.
Since then, the elevator has broken down “about five times” in LESS THAN A YEAR. The Mayor HERSELF mentioned disappointment and unhappiness in the high cost and low quality of the elevator thus far. The City then moved to enter into a three-year, $16,920 maintenance contract:
Talbert may accept it as “normal” after asking “everybody”, but I don’t. I lived and worked in high rises for over 10 years of my life. I NEVER witnessed that frequency of breakdowns. A quick Google search confirms my suspicions. Not to mention, the elevator at Old City Hall is VERY LOW USAGE compared to the high rises I worked in (the Sears Tower in Chicago):
Given ALL of these above FACTS (not libel) I then gave my OPINION (also not libel) that if I was the City manager or on City council, I would NOT have immediately gone and wasted ANOTHER $17,000 on a maintenance contract. I would have FIRST gone to RKJ Construction with quite a bit of leverage on my side (we shelled out an extra $31,795 AND you were seven months LATE). I would have given them a chance to pay for the first two years of the maintenance contract (roughly $11,000). If they REFUSED to do this, I would have barred them from any future City contracts as punishment.
SO…explain to me where the “slander” is in this entire saga? Sometimes the truth is a bitter pill. But the sooner you swallow it, the better off you are, sweetheart.
It cracks me up that I am the ONE person in a town of 7,000 citizens who publicly calls attention to City government waste and even THAT is one too many, apparently.
Haven’t been able to do THIS in a while. Tonight the budget will be adopted. The “proposed budget” that is not available to be seen on the city website – and hasn’t been since 2016. There were also rumblings in a Radiogram issue that the Goldfish will be in “executive session” talking about “economic incentives” with a “prospect”.
Mike Cour? Guess we’ll see!
5:30pm – there are FOUR of us watching!
Chamber of Commerce chick is talking, I think.
Quick fact: the Lampasas Chamber of Commerce has about 280 current members. If they all kicked in $500 a year, that would be $140,000 to run The Chamber of Commerce, which is a nice chunk of change. Seems to me you wouldn’t need to take City money! Just a thought. I never understood why the City pays the Chamber one red cent for their operations. Of course, I feel all Chambers of Commerce are now obsolete and redundant. We have Yelp!, Google, Facebook, etc, etc. But that is a topic for another time.
5:40pm – I remember why I usually drink during these things.
5:40pm – Rickie Roy is talking!!! Ugh. Covid bullshit. I just KNOW that deep down, Rickie is the kind of guy who thinks this Covid stuff is 100% bullshit. I have no proof of this, but I’d be surprised if he was a TRUE Branch Covidian believer.
5:45pm – Finley putting all 7 of us on-line watchers to sleep. He’s going on about the $120,000 the City wasted on Halff Associates to “consult” for the City. Yeah – that is STILL going on a year later. I gotta hand it to Halff. They bleed the City $4,000 or $5,000 at a pop with small installments over a long period instead of slamming them with a $120,000 bill all at once. You can shear a sheep many times but only skin him once. Right, RKJ Construction?
5:54pm – Finley still babbling. I am seriously rethinking sitting through this. I guess when you cost the City about $175,000 in salary and benefits, you figure you better spew out a lot of words.
5:56pm – Is 3.5 points enough to take Kansas City tonight? Tough call. Maybe a tease with KC +9.5 and the under 61.
5:58pm – Chuck Williamson doing some navel gazing now. Hopefully he’ll be gone after the next election – which is quickly approaching.
6:oopm – Rickie Roy up there again! Two visits in one meeting. Listen to him purr. He’s talking about streets and waste water but it sounds almost Shakespearian when Rickie does it. Go Rickie! Rickie’s southern drawl makes “cement” sound like “semen”, by the way. I was momentarily taken aback when he talked about semen being poured all over the ground.
Falling asleep during the wastewater stuff. Sorry RR. Boring me to tears. THIS is the stuff City should spend time on. NOT wasting another $1.9 million on the “business” park.
6:30pm – I am daydreaming what it would be like inside the secret Goldfish chambers as they discuss “incentives” with their economic “prospect”:
6:51pm – Fire prevention week! Yay! Great proclamation, Misti! Only 2,800 people died in house fires in the U.S. in 2017? That’s not that many, really. Back when I was a kid, it was over twice that and the population of the US was probably HALF what it is now! I bet most of those were at Christmas time – we had those big, fat colored Christmas tree lights that got hotter than hell and we’d melt tinsel on them at age 7. Remember those? People sure have become pussies in the last 50 years.
“Keep anything that can catch fire away from stove tops”. Thank goodness the government is here to tell us these things. You should also never smash your balls with a sledgehammer.
6:58pm – Mandy Walsh PCED is talking and showing a cheesy video. Must be softening up the Goldfish for a huge request.
7:00pm – Mandy now telling us how the LEDC saved the day during Covid by reposting Facebook posts from restaurants so we’d know when they were open. I am not joking. Because restaurant owners are too stupid to do that themselves? Mandy, you should DEFINITELY open a restaurant after you pile up $300k in salary earnings from the taxpayers as Economic Director. It’ll only be a few years.
NOW she is hoping to have the goat pasture ‘business’ park EDA CARES grant done “by October”. LOL. I remember when it was going to be done on July 31st. Maybe they are still hoping for shitty sales tax numbers in two weeks to prove their “economic injury”?
Mandy tooting her horn about passing an economic development test! Hint hint: gimme a raise!
Now we get to hear how the LEDC is going to hand out free money for “life safety grants” to try and spur some of the owners of those unsightly empty buildings on the town square to develop them! Free stuff!!
She’s telling us how there is a “well known reality show” filming in town – and thus, these people are “eating in our restaurants and shopping in our stores”. Funny. I heard the opposite last week. I heard they can’t leave The Best Western and have food catered to them from one location. Because of….wait for it….Covid! So I rate that statement “very likely false”.
7:10pm – are these people not aware the biggest football game of the year is starting soon??
7:12pm – Finley back at the dais. Yawn.
7:20pm – Baltimore has the first possession. Baltimore marches down and scores a FG immediately. What idiot was thinking of taking KC +9.5 and under 61?
7:21pm – Goldfish adjourning into Executive Session to talk about their “prospect”. Seems ridiculous these meetings are hidden from the public. Not sure if they will be back. I may have to resume this tomorrow.
It’s important all you saps pay your taxes in FULL and don’t try to look for any deductions so that worms like Andrew Landrum can get handed money he didn’t earn.
Also raise your hand if you think Antifa is just a bogeyman and political cudgel to demonize your opponents….and not a bonafide organization terrorizing innocent civilians!
You’re gonna need a third hand, Andrew.
You’ll be sure to pay taxes on that $3,000 grant you got from Mandy Clause, right dildo?
I’ll ask an honest question for the 50th time: if you libs want to live under a full-on libtard regime, you are free to pack up your shit and move to Portland or San Francisco or New York City. Why stay here and whine all the time? Makes no sense to me. I’ll even pay for your one-way plane ticket – first class – if you all promise to move to another state. That goes for Haywood too!
Shrieking morons suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome would literally cut of their own noses if they thought it helped a tiny bit to get rid of the “racist” and “fascist” Trump.
Exhibit A is Lake Travis imbecile Stephanie Fitzharris. A potato headed clown who often sticks her bulbous melon into Lampasas County Breaking News forums. Even though she lives in Austin.
Back in April, this buffoon thought that Trump should be convicted of “crimes against humanity” for promoting hydroxychloroquine (HCQ) in the fight against Covid. She was agreeing with another shrill, hysterical liberal moron named Tavia Golonski – an Ohio state representative.
Oooohhh…this is serious! Is it? Is it serious, you clown horn? LOL. Never mind the United States isn’t even a member of the International Criminal Court. Potato Head doesn’t care about such trifles. She is ready to throw people in JAIL because she doesn’t agree with them. Typical Marxist retard.
Well, as it turns out it’s a damn good thing that Potato Head Stephanie Fitzharris is not in charge of anything besides her own sad, pathetic life. Because her actions of banning HCQ would result in the deaths of untold thousands:
“Political opponents defied longstanding scientific and medical consensus to portray HCQ as harmful and Trump as a mortal danger to public health. Flawed and even falsified studies were published and promoted by media outlets eager to discredit Trump, while positive studies were impugned or ignored.”
Potato Head doesn’t care about facts or science. She just hates Trump. Period. If a few tens of thousands of people have to die along the way…oh well. What does she care? Marxists like her have killed hundreds of millions, what are a few more. It’s a shame that morons like this get to vote.
That outfit is the real crime against humanity, Shamu
It’s not really her fault she’s so mentally challenged though. Research shows it’s probably all those cheeseburgers…
**UPDATED 10/21** – Italy provides more proof Fitzharris is a dunce:
