G’yarrr Matey! We Have a Hubert Humpback Whale Sighting!

Ahoy, ye scurvy dogs! We’ve got a whale sighting! Hubert Humpback Whale has surfaced from the briny deep! Ye may remember this blubberous behemoth from years past, matey!

Dildo Who Spent 40 Years Transforming From Human To Humpback Whale Suddenly Worried About His Health

Shiver me timbers! A harpoon is what that whale be needing! G’yarrr! Tis more whale than man! Heath Bishop be the whale’s REAL name. This lowly 7-Eleven clerk likes to be ranting and raving at “dumb Texas rednecks” like he got a real brain in that whale skull! G’yarrrr! Tis the funniest joke I’ve heard all over the Seven Seas, matey!!

And he’s back spewing his fat and nasty blowhole all over Lampasas County Breaking News:

Me first mate Russell Gibson is right as rain! Why don’t this monstrosity of a whale just swim like a fishy on out to the Pacific Ocean and leave us decent folks alone! In fact, Heath Bishop, ye massive pile of whale shit, I’ll pay many doubloons MYSELF to help ye move! That’s right! What say ye, ya slobberin fat pile of blubber?? Do we have a deal, matey?? I never be joking about things like this. Put up or shut up, ye blubbering fool.

G’yarrrrr! There is no dumber whale to be found in these parts! He even thinks AOC is a genius in our time and smarter than DeSantis, despite mountains of evidence to the contrary!

It’s foolish whales like this ye should be thankin for this morning’s 7.5% CPI print, matey! Ye dumb bastards! When did we allow these blubberous whales the right to vote! Their stupidity will send us all to Davey Jones’ locker, I tells ye!

This dumb fishy been wrong for YEARS now, matey!!

Julie Cain Landrum (Covid Rat/Fake Biz Owner) Tries To Gain Sympathy on Krasniqi Thread – But Only Beclowns Herself

Covid Rat Julie Cain Landrum (who runs the hobby grape juice stand called Wool & Vine) is once again crying about the “struggles” of being a small business owner while commenting on the Krasniqi thread:

It’s “dilapidated” you idiot

She has whined about “the struggle” before:

Julie should REALLY just keep her mouth shut about “the struggle” she faces for many, many reasons:

1) You are barely open. You can’t complain about “the struggle” of making a buck when your fucking ‘business’ is CLOSED a huge majority of the time. That “struggle” isn’t the fault of City Hall. It is the fault of you being a lazy slug:

Yeah, lots of real businesses close for a month to move the furniture around. Sounds legit! Then a month came and went, and Julie found another excuse to lay in bed and not go to work:

Ah. Now the excuse is “Covid raging”. OK. Funny, every other business in town seems to be doing ok with the Covid “rage”. Thank god the owners of Lampasas Beer Market, Memos and Putters are not completely lazy pussies like Julie Cain Landrum or I’d have nowhere to go work on my cirrhosis all week.

This also proves AGAIN what I have said all along: you are not a real business. This is a hobby lemonade stand. If you can close for months at a time and even then only open up 24 hours a week, you are clearly not dependent on this for income. It is a hobby. End of discussion. Don’t you DARE lump yourself in with REAL small business owners. You aren’t.

2) You spilled plenty of Facebook ink two years ago ratting out small businesses in town over their mask policies. This makes you a scumbag and NOT a helper of small business, but an enemy of them.

3) Your ‘business’ employs NOBODY. It is not a real business. It is a hobby lemonade stand that employs zero people. It is just you and your hipster-doofus husband. You have ZERO idea what it takes to manage multiple employees and deal with payroll, etc. So please, once again, shut up about your “struggle”.

4) You don’t OWN shit. You never dealt with any of the issues being discussed by Krasniqi. You RENT a spot inside another spot. You are a fly speck who does NOT own their building. So please, shut up about your “struggle”.

5) You were handed $3,000 in FREE MONEY from the City for ‘Covid’ even though you were only open 6 months at that point, employed zero people and were not a truly viable business at that point (just like now). It was straight-up charity that only occurred because dipshits like Misti Talbert were in a rush to hand out cash to ANYBODY without many questions. You repay the charity by whining about “the struggle” of being a small business owner and then you’re too lazy to open up for the first 7 weeks of 2022.

Like I said, lady, I’ll NEVER forgive or forget what a lunatic Covid cult rat you were back in 2020. I’ll be sure to point out your hypocrisy and scumbaggery til the end of time.

Stacey Swann is the Kind of Liberal Worm the LEDC is Trying to Entice Here.

The Lampasas Economic Development Corporation recently linked to a mushy feel-good article about “country living” called “Past the Edges of Town” by Stacey Swann.

The sub-heading is “An introvert and her family embrace community in Lampasas”

You can read it here:

Past the Edges of Town

I guess the LEDC linked to this to give us a subtle reminder that we NEED the Big City people here and they aren’t so bad! All that “Big City Liberal From Austin” is just a myth, right? We gotta GROW, ya’ll! We gotta hand out hundreds of thousands of tax dollars to guys like Deorald Finney to build more houses and create more traffic and lure in more liberal anuses!

I’ll give you a few nuggets so you can get a taste of the sugary togetherness and inclusiveness and ‘community’ and realize those Big City folks are just people looking for the same things we are:

 “…the ratio of head nods and smiles from locals—the simple acknowledgement that I am a person there in close proximity to them—is always higher in Lampasas than it is in Austin. The Texas-friendly ethos is magnified by the small-town friendly ethos into something that feels like community, even as I stand at its edges.”

“I suspect when my friends who were born and raised in cities think of small towns, they imagine intolerance for their own personal political views. It’s a fact, after all, that Austin is overwhelmingly blue while Lampasas is overwhelmingly red. Our polarized country feels like it has rendered us incomprehensible to each other. It has exacerbated our tendency to judge, to flatten people to what we see as their worst characteristics.”

“Because people in small towns have so much interaction, the other side is never an unknown. You may disagree with them, even stridently, over the issues of the day, but you can’t as easily see them as the bitter enemy, not if they recently hosted a sleepover that your daughter attended or helped you jump your car when the battery died. It’s harder to write someone off as uninformed or intolerant when your interactions with them show their authenticity or compassion.”

“I don’t want to give too idealized of a picture. There are plenty of ways small towns can crush their citizens who fall outside the town’s norms, including discrimination by race, sexual orientation, or gender identity.

[Not ‘gender’, but gender IDENTITY. I now officially hate this woman]

“For a long time, the story of America has been one of a migration of people from rural areas into cities. But as cities nationwide face affordability crises and owning a home in them becomes impossible for huge sections of Americans, we could see that migration in reverse.

[Translation: we fucked up our City with too many Marxists and high taxes and now we want to spread like locusts to the small towns to fuck them up too!]

The key to increased belonging may be in actively seeking new circles that will overlap. These transplants won’t necessarily have jobs that help ease them into the community, especially if they work from home…..But wouldn’t it be worth it to increase the collective joy in our lives, to feel a true sense of belonging?

I can almost hear the chants of Kumbaya! Let’s all join hands and welcome those lovely Austinites into the community!

There is just one problem with this story. Stacey Swann has no interest in being one of the gang out here. She is a rabid, GOP-hating liberal twat who yammers about “racism”, “fascism”, “insurrection” and all the rest of it.

Since the LEDC didn’t do their homework about the woman who wrote this article, I did it for them. Below is a sampling of Swann’s Facebook rants. Make no mistake: many, many liberal scumworms like her are flooding into the area now. Some liberal parasites who are already dug in here like a tick are happy about that:

Landrum likes to post the stupid hashtag that “Lampasas is the new North ATX”. Screw that. Over my dead body.

I’ll do my best to make every one of them uncomfortable and unwelcome. If I wanted Big City liberal bullshit, I’d move to the Big City. If I was mayor (we should be so lucky) I’d be spending a few grand every year to put up huge billboards at the south edge of town that said “Liberal Fucks Not Welcome Here – Take Your Tesla and Green New Deal and Turn Around NOW!”

Here is the tolerant and caring Swann in true form. She certainly ticks ALL the boxes (insurrection, sedition, trannies, fascism, racism, white guys are douchebags, forced masking, anti-Second Amendment, BLM, George Floyd, voter ID is racist, etc):

There are many, many more. I find it funny she talks about living in Lampasas but repeatedly called herself an “Austinite” and a “North Austin resident”. She and her sister DO own property north of town, however. Guess that’s just for raiding the local Wal-Mart during the pandemic and getting away from the liberal shit hole that people like her helped create.

It is funny to me that she has the last name of a barnyard animal, but unfortunately the WRONG barnyard animal. It shouldn’t be Swann. It should be Pigg. You gotta love it when land whales scream at you to wear a mask because they are “worried about their health”. You could have fooled me, sugar.

Local Business Owner Genci Krasniqi Skewering City Hall. It Is Glorious.

Local business owner Genci Krasniqi is not holding back on City Hall. Nor should he. I remember talking to him the day Lampasas Beer Market opened and he gave me a huge earful about what morons the City were and how hard they made it to get anything done. I have also heard this sentiment echoed by other business owners in town – who I will not name, since I don’t want some butt-hurt City inspector to take out their wrath on them.

Suffice it to say, that they are also not happy about the City adopting the 2020 national electrical code – something that even Austin hasn’t done yet. According to my friend (who is a master electrician with 15 years under his belt) it is absolutely ludicrous for a town like Lampasas to be using the 2020 code, and most big cities are typically about six years behind (i.e. Austin would be on the 2014 code).

It adds MASSIVE cost, for one thing. For another, with the supply chain broken it is almost impossible to get some of these new (and MUCH more expensive) parts like breakers and switches.

For example: The 2020 code now requires GFCI outlets on clothes dryers. Those can be tripped by as little as 6 milliamps – and many appliances are just not up to those tolerances. He also told me that a formerly $10 breaker might now be $110.

Things like that add up. Quickly.

Morons who have worked in City government their entire lives and never owned a business or created anything of value don’t give a shit and will never understand any of that.

And you wonder why the Hostess House “facelift” is going to run around $1.4 million? That’s one reason.

A few other morons chided Genci for “airing dirty laundry” and “dumping on the town”. He is not dumping on the town or the citizens. He is dumping on City Hall and their ineptitude and red tape. Huge difference. I’m glad he is “airing is grievances” because maybe the average citizen will finally understand what small business is up against.

The LEDC/City likes to hand out free cash to undeserving businesses (*cough * Wool & Vine * cough *), waste millions on remodeling Old City Hall and the Hostess House and waste MILLIONS on an idiotic ‘business’ park but when it comes to making it easy on someone trying to open a new business, they fail spectacularly. This means their priorities are 100% backwards.

All this is no surprise to me. I have been railing on City Hall idiocy for almost four years now. I’m glad to see some much more public “airing of grievances” and a local business owner embarrassing City Hall.

Keep up the good work, Genci! I think I’ll go over to LBM today and spend some money on pizza and beer!!!

Lampasas County Democratic Chairman Clayton Tucker Lies In Local Newspaper About Being Pro Second Amendment

Local socialist scumworm and Lampasas County Democratic Chairman Clayton Tucker is once again spewing lies in the local newspaper.

In today’s edition, he was busy yammering about “grassroots politics”. He stressed the importance of walking around the neighborhood and lying about his positions on things, like being pro Second Amendment.

From today’s edition:

“Tucker noted there are a lot of hunters and veterans in rural Texas. When he walks a neighborhood for a candidate, people often ask him about gun regulation laws as a test. Tucker said he assures them that he’s a firearm owner and believes that gun ownership is a matter of exercising personal responsibility.”

Actually, he avoids an outright lie by using weasel words like “he’s a firearm owner” – which tells you absolutely nothing about his position on anything. Considering he doesn’t even have his own place or a real job at age 31, I doubt he has ever bought a firearm himself. More likely it is a hand-me-down from gramps that he hides under his bed in mom and dad’s upstairs bedroom – afraid to actually shoot it.

But his history tells us that he is indeed VERY anti-Second Amendment, despite his recent lies to the contrary. All we need to do it go back to a Dispatch article from July 3rd, 2018. That article told us that Clayton was a delegate to the Democratic Party State Convention held in Fort Worth on June 21-23rd of 2018. Less than four years ago.

“The county chairwoman [Cyndy Burleson] said youth were very involved on issues that affect them directly,including gun controland the separation of families at the U.S.-Mexico border.”

“I’m very proud of them for that,” Burleson said of the local Democrats and their political involvement. Resolutions adopted at the state convention covered a variety of topics, including calls for providing paid sick leave statewide, increasing the minimum wage,banning so-called “assault weapons,” tightening background checks for gun sales online and at gun shows…”

There you have it. Less than four years ago, Clayton Tucker was a delegate to the state convention where resolutions were adopted calling for banning “assault weapons” (there is no such thing) and the usual bullshit “closing gun show loopholes” they love so much.

Sure sound like infringement to me!

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Whiny Socialist Clayton Tucker of Lampasas Wrong Again

You just know that Comrade Clayton Tucker has been poised over his laptop in his parents’ upstairs bedroom for the last 48 hours masturbating to ERCOT dashboards and waiting for the power to go out so he can blame the GOP for not “fixing the damn grid”.

He doesn’t actually suffer if the power goes out, mind you, because his house his parents’ house (208 S Western) is less than two blocks from the police station – and is likely protected from any rolling blackouts as critical infrastructure.

It wouldn’t affect him one bit – he just needs something to cry about. In fact, he’s probably under the covers watching Bernie Sanders Netflix documentaries while mom brings him hot cocoa and milk.

Out here in the boondocks, we have had uninterrupted power all week. That’s even WITH ice and wind storms, which nobody has any control over. We enjoy this level of service because bad-ass guys called “linemen” go out into the shit storm and keep the lights on. THAT is a real job. Comrade Clayton has never had a real job in his life, so he doesn’t appreciate that either. He thinks electricity comes from a hole in his parents’ wall.

Funny how the global warming that Comrade Clayton is so frightened of has actually resulted in two extremely cold winters in a row.

I’m sure his hero Beta Male O’Rourke will “fix” the grid by adding more shitty windmills and solar panels in the unlikely event he becomes governor. Luckily, we haven’t imported quite enough foreign invaders to make that happen yet. Also, Texas is now a lot stricter on proving your ability to vote – much to the chagrin of Comrade Clayton Tucker. He absolutely HATES voter ID laws.

We’re like two balls in a nutsack, yo!

Just a reminder: there is not a single windmill or solar panel installed at Clayton Tucker’s parent’s house OR his grandpa’s ranch where he runs around pretending to be a “rancher”. Not one. I wonder why that is? What’s stopping you from installing all that stuff yourself, Comrade Clayton? I mean, besides not having any net worth. You could always beg Dad for the money.

A “devistating” (sic) promise!

PLEASE God, let Clayton Tucker run for City council again this year.

LEDC ‘Business’ Park Sees Yet Another Add-On Cost of $30,000 to $40,000.

Back on June 8th of last year, I predicted in a post that….

Guys like Pope Eckermann are not stupid. Once the big $2 million dollar project is well underway, the LEDC and City council will not even blink at a few “cost increases” of $60,000 here and $86,000 there. That’s how these things work. He knows that morons like Chuck Williamson and Total Joke Monroe will fall victim to the Sunk Cost Fallacy, because they have done so repeatedly in the past.

It already happened once (Aug 17th, 2021), as detailed HERE:

Another $53,700 Flushed

It appears to be happening again. According to the last LEDC meeting packet [see page 15 under “Business Park Phase 1”]:

No surprises here. Any Talbert-led group is guaranteed to OK cost increases over and over again. This won’t be the last….or the biggest.

Business Park Additions To Running Total Cost: $35,000 (new total $88,700)

New estimated project cost when debt is paid off in 2040: $6,388,700)

You Gotta Love Porkchop Logic

Something pretty hilarious happened at last night’s council meeting.

Early in the meeting, Finley got up there and told City council that, yes, the recycling program loses between $8,000 and $10,000 per year but that it “provides tremendous value” to the City. Not a single council member questioned this demonstrably false statement – especially not Cathy “Porkchop” Kuehne. She just sagely nodded her head as mayor pro-tem.

Less than an hour later, the City Finance Director delivered her report. In it was the news that a company who gave the City a $1,990 bid for a maintenance contract actually made a mistake and the NEW amount was going to be $9,964 – or a difference of about $8,000.

Kuehne, who has blithely okayed wasteful spending that has literally run into the MILLIONS (Hostess House, pavilion, recycling program, free money to developers, ‘business’ park, pre-fab bathroom at Campbell Park, etc) had the audacity to actually speak up and question this $8,000 expenditure! LOL.

She actually uttered the phrase “that’s a BIG chunk of change” [go to 42:55 mark]

So to recap: the City locking in an annual $10,000 loss on an idiotic recycling program forever is just fine. The City wasting $1.4 million to give the Hostess House a “face life” is just fine. The City giving Finley a $10,000 raise in the middle of a pandemic is just fine. The City spending $32,000 extra on an elevator for OCH remodel to “keep it local” is just fine. The City blowing over $6 million on a “goat pasture” that has zero tenants is just fine.

But an $8,000 one-time error by a company on a bid is “a HUGE chunk of change”

This woman seriously has a screw loose. She has no business sitting on City council. Somebody, for the love of God, please run against this nitwit for her council seat.

Council Meeting 1-24-22. Porkchop Pro-Tem.

The Goldfish swam last night. Well, a few of them did. Mayor TJ Monroe AND Mayor pro-tem Chuck “The Vampire” Williamson were BOTH missing last night. In my years of sitting through these things, I’ve never seen that.

It does, however, confirm what I’ve always said: that Williamson and Monroe share a brain and that Williamson is actually just a ventriloquist’s dummy operated by Monroe’s hand up his ass. He always sits right next to her and always votes with her no matter how wrong she is. They are like two testicles in a nut sack. And just as intelligent.

Maybe she took him in to the repair shop for a new pull-string yesterday. Who knows.

Then there was the issue of who would run the meeting. Votes were split along lines of “old school dummies” and “fresh blood”. Zac Morris nominated Herb Pearce and Randy “The Speedbump” Clark nominated Cathy “Porkchop” Kuehne.

Randy seems like a nice guy, but remember: he was a City employee for several centuries. He is firmly in the camp of “thinks like a government employee” – so it is no surprise he is in league with Cathy Kuehne – who ALSO relies on taxpayer largesse for her paycheck in real life.

Morris and Pearce (the two newest members), on the other hand, have both lived in the real world for a long time. Just an opinion by me, but perhaps we are seeing evidence of two small camps on council. Kuehne is up for election in a couple months (along with Williamson and Goodart). I was hoping she’d do us all a favor and step down. But the fact that she just voted for herself to run the meeting tells me she is probably going nowhere and likely angling for that pro-tem seat currently occupied by The Vampire.

Clearly, we need a smart, private-sector citizen to step up this spring and help kick Kuehne to the curb.

On to the meeting:

The fire chief wasted the usual 15 minutes (not his fault, but come on already – we don’t give a shit about Covid anymore) giving detailed counts of who has the sniffles and who doesn’t. The numbers provided are all bullshit, as we know, so I’m not sure why they still bother with this after TWO YEARS!

Finley admits that the recycling center loses money [19:16 mark] “in terms of income and expenses”. Shocker. He rhetorically asks “is it worth the $8,000 or $10,000 deficit it runs every year?”. The answer out here in the REAL world is an immediate and resounding ‘NO”. If you ran a business that lost $10,000 every year, you would close up shop. I railed against the recycling nonsense from day one. It was the idea of local Ohio locust and libtard Janet Yoder “Crazier” Crozier.

Finley thinks like a life-long bureaucrat, however. He tells us “it has a tremendous value to the community in terms of providing a recycling service”. Ummm….no it doesn’t. It LITERALLY provides NEGATIVE value – by definition. Why is that so hard for him to understand?

The fact you are losing money tells you that your old mayonnaise jars and newspapers are NOT in demand and that it costs MORE to clean, sort, transport and ‘recycle’ that shit than it does to bury it. Those are facts. Prices of things inform you immediately about the relative abundance or scarcity of an item. End of story.

The City should terminate the recycling program immediately. Old biddies like Crozier who can’t understand all this are still free to load their trash into their cars and drive it to Burnet or Cove or another City that is stupid enough to waste money on that recycling nonsense.

OTHER MATTERS:

City talking about a “conceptual” new development with 177 lots over 48 acres. Great. Just what we need! Maybe Monroe and Williamson can hand them hundreds of thousands of tax dollars too!

Pavilion excavation has begun. He also mentioned that “staff has not incorporated the collection system into the project’. I assume he means the ridiculous $10,000 rain water tanks that Crazier Crozier wanted. Small victories!! Whoops! Randy “Speedbump” wants it on the agenda. I told you that you can’t trust that guy.

Hostess House – still gonna cost a fortune. Reminder: the Hostess House brings in about a whopping $14,000 per year before expenses. Should only take them about 120 years to get their money back. But I’m sure Finley will tell us it provides “tremendous value”. Kinda like the $1.5 million Old City Hall renovation.

Elections on May 7th. Kuehne, Williamson and Goodart are all up for election. All three need to be replaced. You’ll recall that Chuck “The Vampire” Williamson actually got stomped hard in his last election but then weaseled his way back onto council – allowing Monroe to firmly implant her hand in his rectum.

Goodart told me in a personal email he was opposed to all the money being wasted on the “business park” but I have YET to see him open his mouth against it once.

End of meeting.

Libtards Too Dumb/Lazy To Vote Properly. Call It “Voter Suppression”

Clayton Tucker is mad, ya’ll! It’s all this “voter suppression” that’s going on!

How is it NOT voter suppression, Diego? Well, I have a few ideas how:

#1 – Liberals are very likely too stupid to fill out a form correctly. Perhaps they didn’t READ the instructions? Perhaps they can’t COMPREHEND simple directions?

I was at the DMV two weeks ago to renew my drivers license and some poor moron in front of me didn’t bring proof of U.S. citizenship, as the instructions on the website said to do. He didn’t have a passport OR a certified copy of his birth certificate. He was sent home pissed off. Was that “driver suppression”? Or was it just a garden-variety dummy who didn’t read the instructions? Go home and fix it and try again. You just learned a valuable lesson about paying attention to details.

#2 – Liberals are typically very lazy, and thus can’t be bothered to actually go to the polls, so they demand mail-in ballots that should never be handed out in the first place. Perhaps because they are all entitled half-wits who grew up getting anything they wanted by pushing a button on a smart phone app, the thought of actually standing in line for a while repulses them.

Tough shit.

Here’s an idea: if voting is as big a deal to you as you say it is, then get off your ass and go to the polls. I have voted in-person for 34 years – even with a full-time job! Seeing as how a large proportion of liberals are welfare mooches and unemployed bums (like Clayton Tucker), you really don’t have anything standing in your way, do you? Your whole day is pretty much open.

Notice they NEVER tell you the actual NUMBER of rejected ballots – just that it was “40% to 60%” of them in Travis County. Maybe there were only 1,000 applications and 400 were rejected. There is no way of knowing.

In Harris County, the number was 16% rejected out of 1,276 applications. Doesn’t sound so bad when you put it that way, does it? In fact, 16% is about the percentage of the population that is clinically retarded with an IQ under 85, if you look at a standard Bell Curve distribution:

We can clearly chalk up that 16% to pure stupidity.

Unfortunately for democrats, probably 90% of that 16% population are registered Democrats.

If you are too stupid to fill out a form properly, you are also too stupid to vote. Do us all a favor and stay out of the election altogether.

Even our local socialist (and head of the Lampasas County Democrats) Comrade Clayton Tucker has trouble filling out forms correctly! Here is his application to run for City council last year:

As you can see, Comrade Clayton wasn’t entirely sure what his OCCUPATION was. He started to write “State”-something, then scratched that out like a third-grader and settled on “political organizer”. This is very odd since he has claimed to be a rancher, a cowboy and a farmer for years now. It must have slipped his mind that he was a “rancher”, I guess.

Well, that is certainly definitive proof that he is a rancher like he claims to be. You can’t argue with the hashtag! After all, lot’s of REAL ranchers, farmers, and cowboys stop what they are doing in the middle of a mundane job like cutting wood, take out their iPhone, take photos and then put a gay hashtag on in like “#ranchlife” for their Facebook page, right?