When I saw this sign on FB the other day, I literally had one thought: I hope to Christ they don’t let the likes of Cathy Kuehne carry a gun. I doubt she knows how to use one. Swear to God. True story.
Then I saw this today:
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I was close. Right church, wrong pew but it was definitely a Kuehne. Poor Kuehne. Guess they know better than to hand a gun to a rabid liberal. Or supporter of BLM commies and scumbags…
I guess they could give him a wooden gun and a single bullet, kinda like Barney Fife…
I can picture already who I think is secretly carrying in the schools: a smart, strapping man who teaches a real subject like math or science, who was probably born in Texas, goes to the gym religiously, eats rare steak three times a week, shoots trap on the weekend, always carries a pocketknife, deer hunted his entire life and hates commies and pinkos. Perfect guy for the job.
Alternatively, the school could maybe get a construction crane and hoist Bruce Haywood up to the top of the school roof and if any shooter enters, a teacher could pull a “SCHOOL SHOOTER EMERGENCY“cord attached to an Indiana-Jones-type booby trap and release Bruce so he rolls down and squashes the miscreant.
Since a bunch of cops screwed the pooch in Uvalde back on May 24th 2022, every school district in Texas must now spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on MORE “School Resource Officers” to placate the nervous nellies.
Never mind that the disaster in Uvalde had nothing to do with “not enough officers” and everything to do with about a half dozen missed opportunities, ignored warning signs and major fuckups on the part of those very officers.
Mayor TJ Monroe made it clear who is to blame for her budget being wrecked. Her bony finger is pointed squarely at the Lampasas school district who “never got in touch with us all summer” and which is headed by a guy who makes roughly $220,000 in salary and benefits.
“Immediately after the incident this summer, we did ask for a session with Chief Cummings ….and at that point it would have been the right time for the school district to say “we need some help” …but they DIDN’T come forward and ….we spent all summer working towards what we think is a balanced budget and now itmay be as much as three or four hundred thousand dollars“
Four hundred thousand dollars??? What in hell planet do these people live on? Also, why do we need to spend $400k when we have THIS?
That’s a question for another post, but I have a few ideas on how you could pay for this to save your precious “balanced budget” – one of which the overpaid Nerf Job Holders like Ryan “Dwight Schrute” Ward will not like one bit.
(1) Claw back the 3% COLA raises you just handed to everybody who works for the City. Why not? Finley already admitted on August 8ththat salaries are going up over SEVEN PERCENT from last year’s budget! Don’t you care about the kids, you selfish meanies? Oh what’s that? That’s YOUR money and you don’t like it being grabbed for a super expensive boondoggle of questionable usefulness? Now you know how I feel when I see you blow $1.4 million on the fucking Hostess House.
(2) Charge every parent $125 per kid for their protection – 3,200 students x $125 is $400,000. If you have three kids, that’ll be $375 per school year – due on the first day of class (payable by personal check or money order, please!) or your child cannot attend class. I don’t want to hear any complaining – you spend more than that on new clothes and shoes. Don’t you care about the kids? The money has to come from SOMEWHERE – why not the parents?
(3) Fire $400,000 worth of useless parasites like Kathy Staruska and any other Nerf jobs that pay princely sums but which educate nobody. Maybe chop Rascoe’s salary by $40,000 too – that’s 10% of what you need right there. Use THAT money to pay for more “resource officers”. Surely your child’s safety is more important than employing a useless paper pusher! Cost = $0.
(4) Get a group of about 20 retired MALE military veterans and have them each volunteer to guard the school one day a month. Kind of like doctors are “on call” at a hospital. One thing we have no shortage of around here is veterans. I even have a “disabled” veteran down the street who gets a HUGE break on his property taxes because he is “disabled” – which is funny, because he ALSO works for the Harker Heights fire department! Amazing what some of these “disabled” veterans can do. Maybe they can “give back to the community” since they get such nice perks like massively reduced property taxes? Just a thought. They should ALREADY know how to handle a gun and take down another human, right? Cost = $0. Or maybe buy them breakfast and lunch.
(5) If you DO pay to hire and equip these “resource officers” for the six-figure sums you are talking about, they must sign an affidavit opening themselves up to criminal and civil charges and lawsuits if they should turn chickenshit (like Uvalde) and run away or fail to engage some scrawny, pussy kid with tattoos on his face who is shooting up a school. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t get paid like a brave soldier who knows his shit but then bungle the job. Sorry.
It is crazy that a mere four months ago, the City of Lampasas and the LISD presumably had a school shooting response plan that was acceptable to everyone. But then some morons in Uvalde screwed the pooch hard in May of this year, and now we have to hire MORE officers? I’m sorry, but a lack of SROs wasn’t the problem in Uvalde. The problem was they didn’t execute properly. There were a LOT of well-paid bodies there standing around twiddling their thumbs.
More SROs are not the answer.
Fact: the odds of your child being killed in a school shooting are about 60o MILLION to one. The odds of you winning Powerball are about 300 million to one.
If Heather Locklear dies soon then I’ll really be upset.
There will be no posts for a few days, in honor of Olivia. Every guy who is now in their 50s HAD to have a crush on her back in 1978 after seeing her in Grease. I remember sneaking around and watching that movie at my friend’s house down the street because my parents refused to get cable and it had “bad words” in it. Back then it was essentially rated R in my household. I don’t think they had invented PG-13 yet.
My remarks from a year ago after the death of Markie Post also hold true for Olivia Newton John:
“She always seemed like a down-to-earth and likable woman – unlike most of Hollywood. It’s a shame that someone like her gets taken by cancer while human scum like Nancy Pelosi is still walking and talking at age 81 82. There is truly no justice”
As an 80s music nut, I still have a lot of her songs on my playlist. I think “Magic” might still be my favorite….
R.I.P.
P.S. Dear god – please look after and protect Lynda Carter and Erin Gray.
I think Assistant To The City Manager (ATTCM) Ryan “Dwight Schrute” Ward has way too much time on his hands if he’s sitting around dreaming up this shit. I think the only thing he has done so far in his six-month tenure is (1) come up with more and more ridiculous ways to waste money and (2) misspell the word ’employees’ in all public correspondence. I’ll get to #2 later.
No, Ryan Schrute wants more. He suggests the following [see page 48] ludicrous benefits be implemented for the City of Lampasas:
PTO for ‘health milestones’ – I can’t copy/paste this tripe and sure don’t want to re-type it, so here is the photo:
I only included this snapshot to back up one of my long-time assertions [see “Spinley deGraffenreid entry HERE] – that “his number one priority is growing the size of government and increasing their salaries and benefits”….and now I have that admitted by them in black and white.
I mean it says it RIGHT THERE: our employees are our number one priority.
In reality, their #1 priority should be shit like filling potholes or making sure clean water comes out of their pipes or being careful stewards of the taxpayers money or serving the citizen efficiently. But that is a joke, of course. The number on priority for Finley and Dwight is looking out for his own – not for the taxpayer.
But here is the funny part:
Ignoring for a moment the monumental unworkability of this hare-brained scheme, it sounds like something out of high school. Complete idiocy. Are you going to weigh employees to see if they’ve made progress? See how much they bench press? Are you going to use a percentage of weight lost (rather than a raw number) to make it fair for the people who are already in decent shape. Maybe put them on a treadmill and test their VOx? What about those employees who are in great shape already? I guess they’re fucked and get nothing? Or maybe they deliberately gain weight just to lose it again for a free week off. Like I said – a very stupid scheme that is ripe for abuse if they ever implement it.
I doubt this dumb idea will ever see the light of day simply because it would have to be so complicated, it is not workable. But to life-long bureaucrats like Dwight Schrute Ward, it seems like an awesome idea. What does that tell you?
The second suggestion is even more ridiculous:
IT’s EMPLOYEES! NOT EMPLOYEE’S! NO APOSTROPHE!!! One is for PLURAL and one is for POSSESSIVE
Dwight thinks it should be $5 for City employees. Shit, why stop there? Just make it free. Maybe throw in some free golf balls and naked lady tees while you’re at it….
So the Special Protected Class known as “City Employee” should get a much larger discount than seniors or military. Because they are so important and they are a Number One Priority!
The balls on this jabroni! Unbelievable. Greens fees are ALREADY very reasonable, if you ask me. If some fucker who owns a $400 driver can’t afford to pay the regular green fee then maybe it’s time to give up the game. Here are the VERY REASONABLE fees for the local course:
But Dwight thinks that’s too much. He wants it to be $5 for the Royalty known as the “City Employee”. Naturally, he manages to get the math wrong in his example:
There’s that fucking apostrophe again! More than one employee is EMPLOYEES. NOT EMPLOYEE’S
Umm, the proposed cost for playing nine holes would be your ridiculous $5 fee plus the $13 for cart rental. That equals $18, my man – not $17. Better go back to Assistant to the City Manager School and brush up on your math.
I love how he rationalizes this horseshit too: hey, the mooch who is only paying $5 will bring others who get to pay full price! So you’re actually getting a good deal!
Only in the mind of a life-long seat-polishing Nerf Job Holder does this make any sense. Maybe I’ll try this at a local restaurant: let me eat my steak and lobster for free and I’ll bring in two other friends who will pay full price. Deal??
Of course, the rational restaurant owner will point out that I myself am taking up the food that COULD have been sold for full price to somebody else. Dwight must think that Van Berry is a moron or something.
It’s also insulting that he claims the course is “subsidized” from the general fund. If Dwight did his homework, he’d see that the golf course brings in a HUGE pile of money every year. A number that grew strongly during and after Covid. It is practically a business unto itself.
If anyone or anything in City government is “subsidized” it’s Ryan Ward’s very existence – he sucks $158,000 tax dollars away from the citizen annually and produces nothing but bad ideas and superfluous apostrophes.
Remember: if you’re REALLY REALLY good and eat your peas and carrots and lose some weight, you will be awarded some Schrutebucks as a reward!!
The LEDC website has been revamped and updated at great expense recently. So it is sad to see so much misinformation on there. ‘Misinformation’ is my kind way of saying “blatant lies”. For instance:
Now, that may be true for some of the employees at City Hall like Finley and Dwight Schrute and Mandy Walsh, but for people who work in the real world….no way.
I know that’s bullshit just by looking at it, but I went and did the research anyways.
Looks more like $42,000 to me. So did they pay $120,000 to Halff Associates for a study that doesn’t even have the right demographic information? Anything is possible with this group.
Well, a little bit closer but still not there! I think the citizens AND prospective businesses would be far better served if the LEDC stopped telling fibs for a year or two and were more honest about their situation.
I’d make a small wager that Finley promised him a quick raise after 6 months or so. Even money says we see Mr Ward get a bump in salary before the year is out. Any takers??
“And my middle name is Kurt! NOT Fart!”
Well, it wasn’t really a “raise”, per se, according to Assistant TO THE City Manager Ryan Dwight Ward. I had an email discussion about this when I asked him if he had gotten the 3% raise as well – even though he is ALREADY paid far more ($110,000 before COLA raise) than the average ACM ($86,000 according to Salary.com) AND he has only been on the job here for 6 months.
He refused to answer the question, but said a COLA (cost of living adjustment) is not a raise.
Yeah. OK. Semantics, semantics. Bottom line is your already-bloated paycheck is now 3% higher than it was when you started here 180 days ago. Call it whatever you want. The taxpayer pays more no matter what you call it.
In fact ALL of the “overpaid” positions identified in Dwight’s salary study ALSO got the 3% COLA raise last month. Including library director (11.2% higher), parks director (7.3% higher) and police chief (7.9% higher). You’d think that positions already identified as “overpaid” by Dwight would not need an ADDITIONAL 3% raise. But that’s not how it works, see. Only UNDERPAID positions are increased. Nobody is ever decreased due to a “salary” study. Ever.
Which sure feels like cheating to me. But what do I know?
So to recap:
Dwight starts here in January of 2022 as assistant to the City manager and his starting salary was $110,000 – which is about $25,000 HIGHER than a typical ACM salary, according to salary.com
Dwight does a “salary study” in May and uses cities near here that are a lot richer than we are and overpay their City employees even worse – like Marble Falls and Fredericksburg. His own ‘study’ identifies several positions that are “overpaid” by between 7% and 11%. He does this to prep us all for salary boosts in the coming fiscal year 2022/2023.
City council, Finley and Dwight all ignore this fact and give EVERYONE (except Finley, who got a 15% raise in 2020 during pandemic) a 3% raise COLA. INCLUDING those positions already identified as “overpaid” relative to nearby cities.
But this 3% is not a “raise” – it is a Cost of Living Adjustment, Dwight tells me. So it doesn’t really count.
Every 1% raise to City payroll translates into $70,000 out the door (according to Finley himself), whatever you call it. Old City payroll was approximately $7,000,000 for 110 employees ($63,636 per employee). It is now $7,210,000 ($65,545 per employee).
Benefits to City workers (never mentioned by Dwight OR Finley) are now closing in on $3 million per year, since 40% of $7.2 million is $2.8 million. That is an average of $25,400 in benefits per employee.
Total salary and benefits PER EMPLOYEE now around $90,000. This is BEFORE budget negotiations have even started for FY 2022/2023. There will be more to come. They are already talking about another raise COLA on Jan 1, 2023.
Since the pay increase is a percentage, the Big Wigs at the top who are ALREADY ‘overpaid’ (like Dwight or Mandy) see a MUCH bigger raise ($3,300 or $2,300) than the poor schlub working out in the heat fixing water lines and power lines (more like $1,200).
Oh, and Dwight has been on the job for a mere 6 months before the COLAraise was given to him. He knew exactly what he was getting paid when he took the job AND there were THIRTY other applicants for the ATTCM position – so it was CLEARLY already a generous offer. Yet he gets to sip the COLA like everyone else!! Must be sweet.
In addition to the 3% COLA raises, there were also “targeted market adjustments” (NOT raises either, according to Dwight!!) to other positions (adjusted upwards, of course) but none of them were spoken of, so it’s all very secretive. I have no idea who got even more than the 3% COLA raise – but some people definitely did. Hopefully the poor schlubs at the bottom who sweat for a living instead of the Nerf jobbers changing printer cartridges and doing salary studies.
All of this will not stop Finley from angling for even MORE pay increases during budget negotiations over the next two months. Because a COLA is NOT a raise, remember???
Nolanville Texas is a small town like ours. Their population is about 6,000 compared to Lampasas at about 7,200.
You’d never know this from salary comparisons between City employees, however.
Our new Assistant TO THE City Manager Ryan “Dwight Schrute” Ward took it upon himself to do a “salary comparison” a few months ago so he could justify increases for our City workers. He cleverly looked at places like Marble Falls and Fredericksburg (where there is a LOT more money sloshing around) to make his comparisons.
But he didn’t bother to look at places like Nolanville, that would have wrecked his “we are all underpaid” nonsense argument. Let’s take a look!
Lampasas police chief – $96,798 (includes 3% COLA raise given last month)
We pay 50% more! Chief Cummings has had a pretty good year – between his promotion and his recent COLA raise, he got a 12% pay increase since January 1st (from $86,500 up to $96,798). But don’t think that will stop Finley from suggesting he get more! Ryan Ward’s own “salary study” said our police chief position was “overpaid” (his words, not mine) by 7.9%!
Lampasas Economic Director –$78,000 (includes 3% COLA raise given last month)
AGAIN, we are 50% higher.
None of this even looks at the generous benefits Lampasas hands out like 2 for 1 matching for retirement. For every $7,000 Ryan “Dwight Schrute” Ward puts away for retirement, the City throws $14,000 in tax dollars into his account for him! That is why the combined number JUST FOR BENEFITS by themselves for Finley and Dwight Schrute are over $90,000!!
City council has a chance right now to rein in the spending as they prepare next year’s budget. Will they do the right thing?
I don’t know how I missed this one…from just 60 days ago [see page 85]:
“Workforce Solutions of Central Texas is partnering with the Lampasas Economic Development Corporation for the annual Lampasas Hiring Event.“
Hundreds of jobs need to be filled in Lampasas County. In May 2022, there were nearly 230 job postings in the county. Many of the jobs that are open pay well, according to Charlie Ayres Director of Industry and Education Partnerships at WSCT”
“These jobs hada median advertised salary of $20.00 an hour with 20% of the postings being above $30.00 an hourAyres said”
There is no shortage of jobs to be had. Quite the opposite. So I’m wondering exactly what Misti Talbert and Mandy Walsh and the rest of the LEDC think they are going to accomplish by blowing another $2.7 million (most recent Phase III) on their sandbox. Remember: this entire debacle was conceived and started TWENTY YEARS AGO. What may have been true then is not necessarily true now.
Businesses cannot even find enough workers NOW – how is any new business in the Business Pork (which will be heavily subsidized and also in direct competition with existing businesses in town) supposed to find workers in that environment?
I think Christmas is coming early this year. Watching yet another of the LEDC’s “business prospects” take a shit on their heads is just too perfect. God must really love me to shower me with so many gifts.
At first, the Trousdales feared they might have to leave Lampasas to find a large-enough building within their time constraints. But with the help of the city and the Lampasas Economic Development Corp., the couple found a developer who had land.
Well, I was quite skeptical two weeks ago of a 10,000 square foot facility being built “in a few weeks”. I was also surprised they “found land” since LEDC Misti Talbert has told us many times that her Business Pork is “the only game in town” right now and there is simply no other land to be had! She repeated that lie in February when she was begging for the $971,000 in city Covid money.
Best of all, they’d show that mean old Lampasshole he’s been wrong all these years!!
But that all blew up in their faces VERY publicly tonight on the LCBN Facebook page:
Ouch. That’s like when Jan Levinson gave David Wallace a big promotion on the TV show “The Office” and Wallace promptly told her he was quitting for a better job offer from Staples or Office Max or something. Complete and total kick in the nuts and huge douchebag move.
I was wondering who the “developer” was and where the “land” was. Trousdale let slip here that it was “by the fire station” so I can make a pretty good guess: the big warehouse that Mike Irvin just bought where Greenskeepers used to be, maybe? That is a HUGE building and more than enough for PhoLicious, so something else must have happened behind the scenes to scuttle this “deal”.
