Politicians I Hope Die This Year…

It’s been YEARS since a scumbag politician I detest has dropped dead and allowed me to celebrate joyously. Considering how many of them I detest and how old all these rat bastards are, this is quite shocking from a statistical standpoint.

Perhaps wishing upon a star will hurry it along.

Paul Wellstone – dead in 2002 (plane crash, age 58 – THAT was a gift!)

Ted Kennedy – dead in 2009. I remember dozens of people texting me at 6am to tell me this. They all knew how much I hated this scumbag. I stood outside the bar that morning and waited for it to open to celebrate.

John McCain – dead in 2018 (I had a loooong nine-year wait after Ted). I heard about that brain tumor while driving on I-35 and literally WHOOPED in joy. Huge piece of shit.

Sheila Jackson LeeDead at 74 after badmouthing Trump. July 19, 2024.

Maxine Waters – 86 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 10-1

Nancy Pelosi – 85 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 16-1

Rosa DeLauro – 82 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 20-1

Mitch McConnell – 83 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 9-1

John Kerry – 81 years old. Odds of dying in next year: 14-1

Dick “Dirtbag” Durbin – 80 years old. Odds of dying: 15-1

Ed Markey – 78 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 19-1

Chuck Schumer – 74 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 30-1

Hillary Clinton – 77 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 35-1

Sherrod Brown – 72 years old. Odds of dying in the next year: 40-1

Alexandria Ocrazio-Cortex – 35 years old. Yeah, a 900-1 longshot but one can always dream of her getting Wellstoned.