If you are a huge Seinfeld fan like me, you remember the episode where George Costanza (who has a long history of telling outrageous lies – just like Clayton) takes a lie to the next level even though he knows it’s ridiculous and he will eventually get busted.
It’s called “The Wizard.” George tells a lie to get out of something but the people who were lied to play along and see how far George will take his bullshit. He ends up telling them he has a house in the Hamptons and two horses, Snoopy and Prickly Pete. He even puts these people in his car and starts driving them to his non-existent house.
[Oddly, this is not the first time Clayton has reminded me of Costanza. He’s unemployed and lives with his parents, remember? Plus he’s packing on the fat AND he’s short. But I digress.]
Clayton Tucker has now had his “Costanza in a cowboy hat” moment as he greatly expanded his ridiculous food allergy lie recently….
“I can’t eat American bread anymore. Makes me sick. Makes me nauseous for about 12 hours.”
BAHAHAHAHA! What the fuck is “American bread,” you idiot? Like there is ONE monolithic bread we all eat every day like soylent green. No, it’s far more likely that your nausea is the result of a strong vasovagal response to all the sand in your vagina.
According to this lying sack of shit, the culprit in his “American bread” that makes him so sick is “the yoga mat chemical” (azodicarbonamide). It is a whitening agent and dough conditioner. He is correct that it is banned in Europe.
But guess what? There are DOZENS of different types of bread in our country. Thanks to free market capitalism, you can have whole wheat, five-grain, gluten-free, etc. etc. There is no single “American bread” that this half-wit is forced to eat and get sick from.
Let’s ask AI if you can buy bread without the yoga mat chemical in it:
OR you could make your own bread. OR you could stop eating bread altogether since it’s not great for you in any form. OR you could buy homemade bread at the local farmers market. OR tell your 70-year-old mom when she buys your groceries for you to get one of the MANY breads listed above WITHOUT that chemical.
See how easy that is? It’s not a grand conspiracy. It’s the free market, you dipshit.
But guess who DEFINITELY DOES have the “yoga mat chemical” in their bread?
Oh SNAP!! Guess who has been eating at Whataburger while driving aimlessly all over Texas to blabber about chemicals in the bread making them sick? This asshole himself!
Just unbelievable Costanza-level horseshit from this kid, day in and day out. It’s embarrassing. But he’s told so many outrageous lies over the last five years, there is no going back. Just like Costanza and his fake horses, this kid has his fake ranch and fake occupation.