Well, it’s the home stretch towards Christmas! I must say, the lights down on the creek look fantastic! It’s a real shame that local Marxist and creator of the “Christmas Lights Fundraiser” Stephanie Fitzharris is selfishly depriving the citizens of Lampasas of over $7,000 in donations by being stubborn and refusing to admit she was wrong about a bunch of stuff everyone knows she was wrong about anyways.
It’s like depriving the City of $7,000 because she refuses to admit the sun sets in the west or that the sky is blue. Such a shame. Only ten days left, Potato Head! Tick tock. Tick tock.
In the meantime, I wrote a lovely version of The Twelve Days of Christmas but altered slightly to fit our little town. I embedded a video that just plays the music so you can sing along to yourself below….
On the first day of Christmas, Lampasas gave to me, a bum who lives with mom-mee!
On the second day of Christmas, Lampasas gave to me, two Muslim nerds, and a bum who lives with mom-mee!
On the third day of Christmas, Lampasas gave to me, three metal letters, two Muslim nerds, and a bum who lives with mom-mee!
On the fourth day of Christmas, Lampasas gave to me, Four useless turds, three metal letters, two Muslim nerds, and a bum who lives with mom-mee!
On the fifth day of Christmas, Lampasas gave to me,
FIVE DING-A-LINGS!
Four useless turds, three metal letters, two Muslim men, and a bum who lives with mom-mee!
On the sixth day of Christmas, Lampasas gave to me, six wheelchair gardeners, FIVE DING-A-LINGS! Four useless turds, three metal letters, two Muslim nerds, and a bum who live with mom-mee!
On the seventh day of Christmas, Lampasas gave to me, seven million wa$ted, six wheelchair gardeners, FIVE DING-A-LINGS! Four useless turds, three metal letters, two Muslim nerds and a bum who lives with mom-mee!
On the eighth day of Christmas (this is starting to get difficult!) Lampasas gave to me, eight vulture-buzzards, seven million wasted, six crippled gardeners, FIVE DING-A-LINGS! Four useless turds, three metal letters, two Muslim nerds and a bum who lives with mom-mee!
On the ninth day of Christmas, Lampasas gave to me NINE years of failure, eight vulture-buzzards, seven million wasted, six wheelchair gardeners, FIVE DING-A-LINGS! Four useless turds, three metal letters, two Muslim nerds and a bum who lives with mom-mee!
On the tenth day of Christmas, Lampasas gave to me, TEN grand for garbage, nine years of failure, eight vulture-buzzards, seven million wasted, six wheelchair gardeners, FIVE DING-A-LINGS! Four useless turds, three metal letters, two Muslim nerds and a bum who lives with mom-mee!
On the eleventh day of Christmas, Lampasas gave to me, ELEVEN years of nerf job, ten grand for garbage, nine years of failure, eight vulture-buzzards, seven million wasted, six wheelchair gardeners, FIVE DING-A-LINGS! Four useless turds, three metal letters, two Muslim nerds and a bum who lives with mom-mee!
On the twelfth day of Christmas, Lampasas gave to me, TWELVE unbuilt houses, eleven years of Nerf job, ten grand for garbage, nine years of failure, eight vulture-buzzards, seven million wasted, six wheelchair gardeners, FIVE DING-A-LINGS! Four useless turds, three metal letters, two Muslim nerds and a bum who lives with mom-mee!
