Tag: snake oil

Twinkie Diet Just as Effective as CorVive Magic Beans – And Costs WAY Less!

Back around January 1, a lot of misinformed yahoos got all excited that they “lost 6 pounds in three days!” or “I’m down 14 pounds in two weeks!” and (erroneously) attributed these miracles to the CorVive magic beans upon which they had recently wasted $500.

Of course, the real reason they lost weight was (1) the water weight loss that comes at the start of any crash diet (water weights 8 pounds per gallon) and (2) the reduction in calories that came from eating better.

The only way to lose FAT (not water weight) is to burn more calories than you consume. Period. The calories don’t really matter either – you can eat junk food, as long as you restrict caloric intake.

Now that all those same yahoos are eerily silent, no doubt having gained back the water weight while watching mounds of overpriced snake oil pile up in their garage, I’d like to take this opportunity to rub it in their faces a little bit.

I’m doing the Twinkie diet for one week. I’ll eat 14 Twinkies per day (1820 calories) and nothing else. This will cost me about $8 per day – or FAR less than the CorVive magic beans plus normal food.

Day one – weighed in at 205.5 this morning. Ate two Twinkies at 8am. I don’t think I’ve had a Twinkie since I was probably 8 years old. I’m not a huge fan of cakes and pies and dessert shit. My vice is beer and vodka. It will be difficult not having a sip of booze for 7 days – especially with the nice weather and the NCAA tourney on. But my desire to make the Eager Beaver CorVivers look foolish will carry me through this difficult time.

Day one – ate two Twinkies every two hours today. Took a massive dump…and I didn’t even need a CorVive overpriced laxative to compel me to take this dump. Score another one for Twinkies!!

Day two – weighed in at 204.2 this morning! Yay! CorVive Twinkies are already paying for themselves…what a miracle product this CorVive Twinkie is! The fat is just melting away!! I may try and sign up suckers others to sell Twinkies FOR me in a pyramid-like structure….it can’t possibly lose! I’ll be rich! Who wants to lose weight AND make money!! PM me 😉

I actually thought I would wake up starving today but I didn’t. I also had a Monster Energy (zero calories) with my Twinkies to emulate the overpriced CorVive NRG product, which contains many of the same ingredients. The one CorVive product I did NOT emulate is the idiotic laxative that Meatball Fouts calls a “cleanse” (CorRenew) – which is absolute nonsense.

Day two – went to gym as I normally do today. By the way, “gym” and “exercise” (and “proper nutrition”) are words that never EVER seem to escape Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts fat mouth during his painful Facebook video bloviating. He instead pushes you to swallow pills and powders 15 times a day. He does this because it puts money into the pocket of Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts.

Day three – weighed in at 202.4 – I’m down 3 pounds in 48 hours!! All thanks to Twinkies! Should I get on Facebook and tell everyone? Should I take pictures of my Twinkies and post them on Facebook and tell everyone how AWESOME Twinkies are, and how they need to buy Twinkies from me at $1.50 each?? I think I might. It’s not an MLM pyramid scheme…it’s a new thing I invented – a MELT scheme. Me Eating Lots of Twinkies.

Day three – I am really wanting some bacon right now. Oh well. Did three hours of yard work today – felt fine during this despite the caloric restriction.

Day four – weighed in at 201.9. Holy shit, the fat is just melting away! Did I mention I have not ingested a SINGLE overpriced CorVive product to achieve this amazing transformation? I’m very tempted to go on Facebook and write a huge article about what a winner I am and how others are jealous and hate me for my success in the Twinkie area. But I’m not a 14-year-old girl, so I will refrain. #twinkiesrule #junkfoodrocks

Day four – three more hours of yard work today. No problem. There is college basketball on tonight and today is opening day for baseball. I am extremely tempted to go to the bar and have a beer and relax watching sports. But sacrifices must be made to lose weight. I am a winner! I know I am a winner because I just typed it on the Internet.

Day five – weighed in at 201.5 pounds. OK – seriously now….I am starting my MELT system today and you would be a FOOL not to get in on the ground floor and achieve financial independence. Simply order my “starter kit” for $235 plus shipping, handling and a small “idiot tax” and I will rush you 100 Twinkies so you TOO can MELT the weight away!

Don’t watch the parade go by. Get in on the ground floor! Be your own Twinkie boss, you fool!! Buy buy buy!! This may also prevent colon cancer. I can’t prove it but I’m going to suggest it and you probably can’t disprove it, so take my word for it!!

In reality, the weight loss is slowing because (a) the first 3 pounds was easy water weight loss and (b) my metabolism is adjusting to less calories – once you lose 2-3% of your original body weight, the body adjusts quickly.

Day six – weighed in at 201.2 pounds. I have been running a caloric deficit of about 1000 calories a day now – 6000 calories equals about 1.7 pounds of actual FAT. Yet I am down well over 4 pounds. How is this possible? Water loss and probably some muscle loss, since I am not hitting the weights as hard as usual. No magic powders or pills needed.

Went to gym today – had a Muscle Milk afterwards (160 calories and 32 grams of protein – 50% more protein than the CorVive protein product) in place of a Twinkie.

I also ate a pile of crawfish today and watched hoops because I was going crazy with Twinkies. Six pounds of crawfish = 16oz of tail meat = 360 calories = 3 Twinkies…which I did not eat. I also had three drinks of booze.

Day seven (final day) – weighed in at 201 pounds. Only 14 more Twinkies to go. These will be the last Twinkies I ever eat in my life.

Day eight weigh in, after 7 days of Twinkie diet – 200.6 pounds…..or about 5 pounds in a week. If I continued this Twinkie thing for 9 more weeks, the weight would come off much slower as the body adjusts. But the point is proven: it is just calories that matter. Nothing else. Forget overpriced pills and snake oil. Eat less…exercise more. It’s the ONLY thing that works.

How Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts Can Prove He is Not a Snake Oil Huckster

People ask why I have such vitriol for Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts and his snake-oil schemes. What do I care if a bunch of chumps get suckered by a huckster? No skin off my back, right?

To some extent, I don’t care. If somebody stays up late, sees an ad for an obvious boondoggle on TV like “The Thigh Master” and blows $40 then realizes it is a piece of garbage….well, they learned a cheap lesson and it ends there. Plus, you kind of brought it on yourself – the Thigh Master is more of a passive screw job.

Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts is a different kind of animal, however. A snake, to be exact. He makes wild promises of riches and being an “independent business owner” who badgers everyone in their social circle with outlandish and demonstrably false claims. He wants you to go and recruit other people into his scheme – not just buy a product from him. It’s all about the recruitment, not the product.

If Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts had actually invented revolutionary new products that led to incredible results, he could sell it like a normal person on a store shelf or Amazon or a health food store – where it would compete and presumably dominate the inferior products. The fact that he doesn’t do this speaks volumes. The “product” is mediocre, overpriced and secondary to his true aims – which is recruiting more suckers.

So this is an ACTIVE scam instead of a passive scam, like the Thigh Master.

Don’t believe me that it’s all about recruiting instead of product? Here is a snap shot from a meeting right here in town last month – sure looks like they are pushing the recruitment thing to me…it also is shaped very much like a pyramid:

Four people each recruit 4 people…then those 16 people recruit 4 people…etc, etc, etc. The people at the bottom of the pyramid will definitely get screwed – and the bottom gets bigger all the time. Which is why the FTC studies show that 99% of MLM participants lose money.

Google searches turn up loads of stories about poor suckers who get into MLMs and ruin their lives. Elderly people and single moms who believe slime balls like Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts and mortgage their homes, run up $20k in credit card debt, and have piles of unsold products in their garage – all because they believe the b.s. coming out of the mouths of a slime ball who told them they could make millions.

Meatball Fouts has been in the MLM game for a LONG time. He HAS to know that it ends badly for a majority of people…yet here he is, pushing b.s. stories about untold riches.

So….back to why I care. If I was in a crowded HEB in my small town surrounded by strangers and a rattlesnake came slithering into the store, I would feel the strong urge to yell “SNAKE!! Watch out!” even though I could just as easily walk away and keep my mouth shut. I mean, why would I care if a complete stranger gets bitten by a rattlesnake? I guess I’m just a big-hearted fool….plus it is totally normal human behavior. Only a complete pyscho WOULDN’T warn the strangers around him they are about to get bitten.

There are a few things Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts can do to prove he is not a snake-oil huckster preying on the gullible:

FIRST: Release an income disclosure statement for CorVive salespeople. I have requested one (twice) by email and gotten no response. If people really are all getting rich doing this, you’d think Meatball would be more than happy to show me the evidence.

I want to know the following:

  • Total distributors throughout the year
  • How the total distributor count is calculated (as of a certain date, using averages, or other methodology)
  • Number of new distributors during the year
  • Number of distributors who quit during the year (so you can calculate the churn rate)
  • Turnover rate
  • Number of distributors earning $0
  • Definition of “active” distributor
  • Total number of distributors at a supervisor or leader level (i.e. have recruited other distributors)
  • Total number of  “active” distributors at a supervisor or leader level
  • Amount of product purchased by each level of distributor for the year

I suspect the CorVive income disclosure statement would look very much like the Plexus income disclosure statement below (and all the other MLMs):

82.41% make average $300 per year

5.12% make average $1,707 per year

8.96% make average $3,778 per year

Right there, we are up to 96.5% of people make under $3,778 per year – and that does NOT include all expenses! Like hosting parties, paying for and driving to Plexus conventions, hotel rooms, “leadership retreats” (sound familiar??), etc. Hardly the vast riches promised by most MLMs.

SECONDLY: Show me the scientific studies (preferably double-blind) that prove many of the wild CorVive claims I hear. Claims like “this product removes toxins and chemicals” and “can help with ADHD”. Hell, show me ANY study of ANY CorVive product proving ANYTHING special about CorVive. I have requested these by email also: no response.

THIRDLY: Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts can explain to everyone why he left GenesisPURE, why GenesisPURE disappeared and was rebranded as LivePure and his relationship with Robert Lindsey Duncan – who paid a huge fine for pretending he was a doctor.

Until Meatball answers these reasonable questions, I will keep yelling “SNAKE!” to warn those around me of a predator in our midst.