Radiogram – The Original Lampasshole

Rhonda Witcher Ends The Year The Same Way She Started It: A Fear-Mongering Moron

It seems like just yesterday I moved to Lampasas, read the local Radiogram for the first time and asked the bartender at Lucky Ranch: “Does a retard write this thing? I’ve seen better grammar, sentence structure and factual information from a third grader”.

Not long after, I unknowingly ran into Rhonda Witcher herself at The County Seat – and got into a shouting match about socialism and Big Government with her. I remember being absolutely shocked to find a big-government moron liberal in a small town in Texas. After all, I moved here to get away from that kind of shit.

I had no idea it was the same chick who wrote the Radiogram. After I found out, I made sure to get the Radiogram every single day, correct all the spelling, grammar and factual errors in red pen and then drop it off at the radio station. I did this for about six weeks, because I am an asshole that way.

Yes, this is a true story.

Well, over the last 10 years, I have become somewhat desensitized to Rhonda’s stupidity. I was unsurprised to see her fall for all the Covid nonsense. I was even more unsurprised she was still falling for it 18 months later. But her headline yesterday takes the cake. Rhonda, you are a town treasure. You are a village idiot of biblical proportions. Here is what panic-porn peddler Rhonda had to say about the OMICRON variant yesterday:

Yes, you need to watch out for that Omnicrom variant – the one that doesn’t exist because “omnicrom” is not a Greek letter. It is gibberish straight from the brain of Rhonda Witcher. And by “brain”, I mean a single wrong fact rolling around in his empty skull like a BB pellet in an empty tuna fish can.

The Radiogram prints more garbage after that:

Dr. Bhavna Lall, an internal medicine physician and clinical assistant professor at the University of Houston’s College of Medicine, said “It’s really important that people do the measures we already know work — getting vaccinated, getting their boosters if eligible, wearing masks indoors, testing before gathering, and practicing physical and social distancing,” Lall said Wednesday. “We have the tools that we know work, so we want to make sure people use them right now.”

Wrong, Sugar. Literally NONE of the things you listed works. Not one. Not masks, not the vaccines, not social distancing…nothing. Even that pudding-brain Grandpa Joe was FINALLY forced to admit yesterday that “there is no federal solution to the virus”. In other words, all the bullshit we foisted on you was a colossal waste of time. The virus is gonna virus – as I said repeatedly last year.

Ironically, an anagram (look it up, Rhonda) for “omicron” is “moronic” – which is very fitting for Rhonda and his Radiogram.

Even more ironically, Rhonda is about 117 years old, totally decrepit and a prime candidate to get killed off by Covid, according to all his fear-mongering…yet he still draws breath. Amazing! But don’t believe your lying eyes – just take Rhonda’s word for it and be VERY scared of the ‘omnicrom’.

Radiogram Vs. Mayor – Who Ya Got?

After I publicly noted we hadn’t seen a Covid update in a week, almost immediately Mayor Talbert (coincidentally!) posted a new update, as seen below:

Sounds scary! FOUR hospitalizations! Although the “under 18 in the ICU” note has vanished – as predicted.

Unfortunately, this does not match the Covid update given the very same day by the Radiogram yesterday (11/30/20)

Radiogram says only ONE resident in the hospital and 49 active cases. Talbert tells us the very same day that it is FOUR in the hospital and 46 active cases.

Oh well – what’s a 300% markup on hospitalizations between friends!

I also think it’s hilarious that Kline Whitis Elementary – where most of the kids aren’t wearing masks – has only had TWO covid cases over the last 4 months. Both recovered, of course.

But over at the HIGH SCHOOL – where they are ALL forced to wear masks and the kids are older and arguably more capable of following directions on how to wear the damn things – they have had THIRTY-SIX KIDS catch the deadly plague and THIRTEEN STAFF. LOL.

Gee, it’s almost like not only do masks not help, perhaps they even make things WORSE as these poor saps are fiddling with their masks all day and TOUCHING THEIR FACES FAR MORE THAN THEY OTHERWISE WOULD.

But what do I know. I’m not a “health authority” or a $200,000-per-year school superintendent. Just a dumb yaloo Lampasshole using common sense.

The Finley-Spin Begins. Here is a TRUE Ransomware Timeline

City Hall is already starting to spin the narrative on this ransomware attack, so I felt it necessary to start and maintain a timeline of what REALLY transpired and will continue to transpire – with my commentary in brackets:

Friday August 16: Somebody launches a ransomware cyber attack against 22 Texas cities this morning. That same day, multiple Lampasas citizens start questioning why their utility payments aren’t being processed. According to the August 21 Radiogram, “IT Director Monica Wright immediately implemented response protocols for this type of incident.” [This is the spin it took Finley FIVE days to come up with? So the official spin is “thank god Monica was there to slam the barn door shut well AFTER the cow got out, knocked over the lantern and burned down the city…the very same door she left wide open in the first place.]

[The “protocols”! Sounds very sophisticated. Like a James Bond movie. I’d guess the actual “protocol” was Monica voiding the entire contents of her bowels into her underwear, yanking the power cord of her personal computer out of the wall thinking that might help, and then running in tears to Finley’s office sobbing about some “randomware” on her computer. Finley then turns a sickly green color and calls TSM or the state of Texas or SOMEBODY who knows SOMETHING about computers, dammit!!!]

Friday afternoon August 16, Saturday August 17, Sunday August 18: Not a peep from the City about this disaster. At this point, the police and sheriff computer systems had to be down, but that was not made public. I know this because the police system was still down on Tuesday the 20th at 5pm [and yes, I have proof]. I know they will say “we couldn’t make this public since we had a target on our backs”, but that is a pile of nonsense….because remember, the quick-thinking Monica had ALREADY implemented “protocols for this type of incident”…which any moron must assume included chopping all connections with the outside Internet world to prevent further damage….right? [at this point, the City probably hoped to solve this quickly and sweep it under the rug so as to not be completely embarrassed. Thus total radio silence]

Monday August 19: I myself started getting suspicious reading about all the people unable to pay their bills and remembering the attacks in Texas the previous week. Still not a PEEP from the city 72 hours after the incident….and police systems STILL presumably down.

Tuesday August 20: Finley tells a blatant lie to the Radiogram, saying that “a series of unrelated incidences [sic] caused the Sheriff’s Department, Police Department and Utility Department to go offline last Friday and the problem is being corrected.” [Why make this blatant lie? This is why I don’t ever trust a thing Spinley/Finley says. The cat was going to get out of the bag eventually and you know damn good and well the CITY MANAGER knew this was a coordinated attack three days ago – so why tell this complete b.s. about “unrelated incidences [sic]??]

Tuesday August 20: This very blog begins to connect the dots and get info from reliable sources at the city and state level that Lampasas DID get hit – despite Finley’s lie in the Radiogram that very morning. This blog questions Gary and Finley point-blank about it by email around 3:30pm. By 9pm, ACM Gary Cox admits they were hit and federal authorities are involved.

Wednesday August 21: The Radiogram finally prints an official statement from the Police Department that includes all the b.s. Spinley/Finley has produced after five days of polishing this turd. The most laughable part of the Spinley’s yarn is this part:

“While this attack did have some impact on City operations, the City implemented its continuity of operations plan and continued to provide City services with minimal impact to our citizens……As of press time, the City of Lampasas utility department is still offline. They are assuring customers that no cut-offs, or late notices are being processed. They hope to be back on line by Friday morning”.

[Seriously?? Continued to provide city services with minimal impact? Yeah sure….everything was just fine except all the broken parts. Lol. Then a few sentences later they say the utility department is STILL offline!! AND, they HOPE to have this mess sorted out by Friday!! A FULL WEEK after the attack! (but the impact is limited, lol) That is some serious b.s. spin, right there. Wow. Bill Clinton himself couldn’t have spun dog shit into diamonds that well].

Thursday August 22: Problem still not solved. A source of mine entered city hall and saw our two intrepid IT “experts” looking “quite frazzled”. [Probably the first full week either of them have clocked in years]

Friday August 23: One full week after the attack – problem still not solved. The Lampasas Dispatch Record reports on the attack – and regurgitates much of the same palaver reported in the Radiogram. The Original Lampasshole also makes an official Open Records Request and asks for copies of these “response protocols” and “continuity of operations” plans that were supposedly implemented in the wake of the attack.

Saturday August 24: Tried to log on and use the “Pay Utilities” page….still not up. Eight days and counting!!

Sunday August 25: The “minimal impact” STILL continues – cannot log onto the utilities payment page. How long until they just give in and pay the ransom? Will it come out of Kristy’s paycheck? Do they even know how to buy bitcoin?? We shall see…

Monday August 26th: Systems appear to be back to normal after 10 days. Mayor Misti “Drunken Sailor” Talbert thanks the City Staff for all their “hard work during the ransomware attack” (page 66). No seriously. She did.

Tuesday September 3rd: City attorney Christy-Jo Brown writes a six page letter to Texas Attorney General pleading their case as to why I should be denied information about the ransomware attack. Yup – keep the taxpaying citizens in the dark. As usual.

Monday September 9th: requests come flooding in for replacement equipment to replace servers and computers ruined in the ransomware attack – currently over $36,000 of equipment is ruined.

When the the clouds of dust settle from this debacle, there needs to be a very PUBLIC and HONEST accounting of what the hell happened. Answers to things like:

How EXACTLY did they get in?
Exactly when did Finley realize this was part of the statewide ransomware attacks and how quickly did he call in the REAL experts?
How long was the police system completely down?
Was ransom demanded? How much? Did the city pay in full?
Which “experts” were called in and how much did they bill the city for this mess?
Where was Kristy Acevedo Friday morning and afternoon? She is not mentioned at all, yet her job is “Network Administrator” and the network was left vulnerable and attacked.