Tag: pyramid

Have You Ach13ved Your Massive Weight Loss?

Well, we are 13 weeks into the new year! You know what that means!! All the CorVive Ach13ve people have completed their 13 weeks of taking overpriced laxatives, overpriced protein powder and imitation Red Bull powders….and it only cost them about $1,000!! What a deal!

Well?? Did you all lose 40 pounds? Judging from the complete lack of crowing, boasting and photo proof on the Internet, I am guessing not.

Gone are the daily photos of salads. Gone are the weekly photos at the gym. Forgotten, like every other New Years resolution. I guess taking overpriced CorVive potions alone DOESN’T lead to easy weight loss. I guess you actually have to (wait for it….) eat less and exercise more to lose fat! Who knew??

Well…..I did.

The average person who wants to lose fat and who exercises more and eats less (i.e. runs a caloric deficit) can expect to lose 2 pounds a week over the long run…and even THAT is very difficult. I know because I have done it twice in my life. I lost 25 pounds in 3 months the first time and 20 pounds in 3 months the second time (15 years later). It is not easy. You DO have to make sacrifices. I drank a little less beer, skipped chicken wings….and joined a GYM (a word that Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts has NEVER used in his video sales pitches, to my knowledge) and exercised more.

What I DIDN’T do is take some overpriced magic beans, waste $1000 and assume the fat would just go away. That is complete bullshit, obviously. If it wasn’t, all the Eager Beaver CorVivers in town (as well as Meatball Fouts) would be slim and trim and ripped right now, down 40 or 50 pounds in 13 weeks. None of them are.

So probably the BEST case is you wasted $1,000 on CorVive and are down 20 pounds since Jan 1st: congratulations! You could have done the EXACT same thing without CorVive (like eating nothing but Twinkies) and saved $1,000.

Most likely, you are about the same weight you were on Jan 1st, your $1,000 is now nestled in the pocket of that scumbag Fouts, and you have a bunch of magic beans in your garage right now you are trying to figure out how to unload on the next Greater Fool. Good luck!!

Wanna Lose 500 Pounds and Make a Million Dollars??? PM Me!!

I feel like I’m living through the Salem Witch Trials…and the entire town has lost its mind. CorVive!! CorVive!! CorVive!!!

“Just take our powder and you’ll lose 50 pounds…all while eating bacon! Unless you want to bulk up and add muscle…then you will add a pound of muscle every 48 hours!! I swear by this…even though I’ve only been using the product for 16 days! Trust me! I know I’m overweight and just started using this product 120 hours ago…I’m not just trying to win a cheap trip to Mexico…I swear!! I just care about you and your long-term health!!”

Yeah, right.

Since I enjoy exposing fraud and stupidity, I must comment on this CorVive nonsense and hucksterism. My jurisdiction doesn’t end at City Hall.

Lest you feel the need to succumb to these outrageous MLM claims, let me expose some scientific truths about the human body when it comes to weight loss and/or muscle building…you might just save $1000 and STILL lose the weight:

First Rule: the only way to lose fat is to burn more calories than you consume. Period. The First Law of Thermodynamics (conservation of energy) states that energy cannot be created or destroyed….only transformed.

Fat is stored energy. In order to lose weight (fat), you must expend more energy than you consume. Period. End of sentence. Potions and pills and powders will not “melt fat”. It is literally impossible. Anyone who says otherwise is either deliberately lying or is too lazy/stupid to learn the basics of the human body and caloric intake/expenditure. Or maybe they are just trying to win a trip to Mexico! LOL. Seriously. MEXICO!!! The place they are reduced to begging people to travel to, due to drug murders.

A pound of fat contains roughly 3500 calories. If you wish to lose a pound of weight every week, you must run a caloric deficit of roughly 500 calories per day. In other words, you must eat 500 calories less than you burn. A calorie is a calorie. You can eat 2000 calories worth of McDonalds and Twinkies and as long as you burn 2500 calories…you WILL lose a pound a week. Period.

Likewise, if you eat 3000 calories of kale and spinach and cauliflower every day and burn 2500 calories, you will GAIN a pound a week. This is a scientific fact. It is not in dispute. Anyone who says otherwise has no idea what they are talking about. Or possibly retarded…or, trying to win a trip to Mexico.

The ONLY thing that matters is calories in versus calories out. Period.

Overpriced CorVive potions and powders and pills do NOT enter into the equation. Simply burn 500 more calories than you consume, and you WILL lose weight. I know that isn’t sexy. It is quite boring. But it costs nothing and it WORKS. If a clown tells you to spend hundreds of dollars on some fancy packaging of vitamin B12 and whey protein and you will lose 20 pounds a month? Well….that is a lie. It is a lie they tell you to get you into the scheme and make money for themselves…and maybe win a trip to Mexico. Seriously….MEXICO!!! LOL.

I ACTUALLY saw a CorVive video where one of their carnival barker huckster con men stated that most people are overweight in this country because their body “isn’t getting rid of all the waste” – and of course, you needed a “cleanse” to “detoxify” (they never specify what these “toxins” are, of course) and you need the CorVive detox to lose all that weight.

Statements like that are borderline fraud, in my opinion. You don’t need “cleanses” to “detox” your system. Your liver, kidneys and colon have been ridding your body of waste since the day you were born. If they didn’t, you’d be dead already. Cleanses and “detoxes” are absolute, 100% scams.

These hucksters of the latest fad or powders will never come right out and admit that you just need to eat less calories (partly because it doesn’t fit with their gimmick, partly because people don’t want to hear that they have to [GASP!] count calories or [GASP!] eat less of them, and partly because it’s hard to make money off of something that is simple, obvious and free.)

BUT every successful fat loss diet makes you do it anyway. How? By getting you to do things that just so happen to restrict or reduce your calorie intake. For example…

  • Eating less carbs means you’re eating less calories.
  • Eating less fat means you’re eating less calories.
  • Eating less “dirty” junk food means you’re eating less calories.
  • Eating less processed foods means you’re eating less calories.
  • Eating less grains means you’re eating less calories.
  • Not eating after 7pm causes you to eat less calories.
  • A raw food diet, vegan diet, paleo diet or any remotely similar diet eliminates many of the foods you were regularly eating, which means you’re now eating less calories.

Noticing a trend? In every single case, less calories end up being eaten. And like magic, it causes you to lose fat. But what some people incorrectly think is that it was the reduction in carbs, or fat, or grains, or sugar, or junk food, or processed food, or not eating after 7pm or ridiculously overpriced powders and pills or whatever else that made it happen.

It wasn’t.

It was the reduction in calories that indirectly came as a result of all of these other things. Sure, these “things” are what caused the deficit to be created, but the deficit itself is what actually caused you to lose fat.

Second Rule: It is literally impossible to gain four pounds of muscle per week. Even if you are a teenager who is just starting out lifting weights AND you are genetically predisposed to gaining muscle easily, the BEST you can hope for is MAYBE 3 pounds of muscle per MONTH. More realistic is 1-2 pounds of muscle per month…and that is still on the high end. Anyone who says otherwise is either lying or on steroids. Or selling you something for their own gain. Telling beginners that they can gain massive amounts of muscle in one month is setting them up for failure and possibly injury.

If you STILL don’t believe me, and you think all that slick re-packaging of old ideas is REALLY all it takes to lose weight, then ask yourself why there are so many fat people walking around this country. If there was an easy potion to take and lose huge amounts of weight, obesity would be long gone. Clearly, it isn’t.

MLM structures have been around since the 1980s – Amway, Herbalife, Juice-Plus, etc, etc, etc…and ALL the people selling it thought they were going to make a fortune. 99% of them did not. Only the weasel circus barkers at the VERY tip-top make any big money. The rest of the suckers are left with empty bank accounts and disappointment. Don’t be a sucker.