Tag: Pholicious

Is Pholicious Tap Dancing In Houston Just For Me??

Awww. This is just the cutest thing ever and a great way to start my week! Joe Trousdale, owner of Pholicious in Houston, is tap dancing for me over there in Houston and letting me know how well he is doing!

So adorable. My 8-year-old does the same thing when she comes home with a good grade on a test. Running in here waving it around and seeking a pat on the head. “Look how good I did!”

Good for you, Joe!! Kick some ass! You might just be the next Ajinomoto of Houston!

From the photo, it looks like about 11 jobs you have created for non-whites there. Very impressive. Good thing you moved because I don’t think you could find that many workers here, to be honest. I don’t know the pay or the hours or the benefits, but I’m sure they are decent. I know you were advertising $15/hr not too long ago – Finley is paying our high-school lifeguards that wage too! That seems to be the new minimum wage. Labor is very hard to find, that is for sure.

I’ll be honest though, that room doesn’t look like it’s 10,000 square feet. I think the old AmVets building here would have sufficed!

I think Joe was sore because I wrote a piece about how amusing I found it that the LEDC and Pholicious had a nice little love-affair going but it turned sour overnight. These things happen. My problem is with the very existence of the LEDC – not a Regular Joe trying to build a small business.

I’ve never met Joe but it’s hard not to root for him. The guy is building something out of nothing, he loves his guns and seems like a rock-ribbed conservative. Plus we have a lot in common: my middle name is Joe, we’re both great-looking and neither one of us is a Muslim. So he’s got to be a pretty good guy.

He is the OPPOSITE of do-nothing, asswipe socialists:

Now, all that said, I think you may have an imposter using your name on Yelp! There is ANOTHER Pholicious in Houston, apparently. And they are tarnishing your good name. I know it can’t be you, because some of the shitty reviews are from 2018. I always thought Pholicious was a clever name but maybe a lot of people are already using it? Better get on that and find a lawyer to trademark that shit, pronto!!

But seriously dude, glad you are killing it. Owning a small business is a bitch. I know. Insurance guy fucks you. Landlord fucks you. Lazy employees on their phones all day can fuck you. FedEx shipping costs only go higher. Packaging costs going up all the time fucks you. Supply chain still sucks balls for a lot of stuff. Quality control sucks these days. Input costs rising fucks you. The City raising electric rates 16% fucks you. You gotta pay EVERYONE before you make a dime. Just when you start making some dough, you will have a major piece of machinery break and cost you $10,000 out of the blue. Those first few years, you make less than your employees most of the time, if you make anything at all.

And then when you DO make it big, douchebags like Joe Biden and Clayton Tucker, who have never worked a real job in their lives, stomp around and DEMAND that you pay your “fair share” in taxes and try to put you in the poor house.

I also feel bad you have to live in Houston, which has far too many traffic jams, floods and libshits for my taste – but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Order your Pholicious on Amazon HERE.

PUBLIC SERVICE REMINDER: If you run a business, the smartest business move is firing every Democrat who works for you…and making sure you never hire one. That liberal white woman you’re about to hire, she’s actually an inoperable brain tumor. Don’t let her in.

Resumes with pronouns are automatically thrown in the garbage can around here. I don’t want the headaches

Lampasshole Wins Bet. PhoLicious Raises Offered Wage From $13/hr to $15/hr In Houston. Still Behind Wal-Mart.

Ah…sweet victory! Trousdale FINALLY faced reality and jacked his offered wage in Houston from $13/hr (which I said would never do the trick) up to $15/hr (which is getting closer, but still behind the curve).

Wal-Mart still ahead of you, Joe!

If you’re new to all this, here is the synopsis:

The LEDC had high hopes that Pho-Licious would be a tenant in their $7.1 million sand box Business Pork project. I laughed at that.

PhoLicous hinted they were down with that, but then Pho-cked over the LEDC.

Then we learned that PhoLicious was creating ONE WHOLE JOB in Houston at $13/hr. Hardly the stuff for a bloated $7.1 million dollar pork project!

Then I laughed at the idea they would find anyone at that wage and bet my buddy it would never happen.

Then PhoLicous HIRED someone at $13/hr and it looked like I lost my bet.

Then the new hire ghosted Joe…bet still on!!

Finally, Joe bit the tit and raised his offer from $13 to $15 yesterday! Lampasshole for the win!

I find it hilarious that Wal-Mart (which we already have here) is paying MORE than PhoLicious (who the LEDC tried to lure into their Business Pork with subsidies). Wal-Mart has a lot more than one position at the store, too.

Just more proof that the LEDC is utterly incapable of seeing economic reality and accepting that their Business Pork will NEVER have any kind of ROI. It was all just a colossal waste of taxpayers’ money.

P.S. I’m not saying I’m a genius who can see the future a year down the road, but I’m not NOT saying that either. Here is what I said almost a YEAR ago about why PhoLicious wasn’t a viable Business Pork prospect:

#3 They don’t really employ anyone right now. I think it’s just the two of them doing everything themselves. Maybe have another body or two at $15/hr to put the kits together, but we are not talking a huge amount of jobs here. Certainly not enough to justify $7.1 million dollars in land, roads, electricity, water, etc that the Business Pork has committed to.

LEDC Just Got Pho-cked!

I think Christmas is coming early this year. Watching yet another of the LEDC’s “business prospects” take a shit on their heads is just too perfect. God must really love me to shower me with so many gifts.

You may recall PhoLicious. You should – they were JUST in the local newspaper a mere 15 days ago. The small-town small business hit it big by getting their Pho (essentially very expensive Ramen noodles made by dozens of other companies) onto the shelves of Wal-Mart. The owners, Joseph and Anh Trousdale, made sure to gush over the City and the LEDC and how they were going to save the day:

At first, the Trousdales feared they might have to leave Lampasas to find a large-enough building within their time constraints. But with the help of the city and the Lampasas Economic Development Corp., the couple found a developer who had land.

Well, I was quite skeptical two weeks ago of a 10,000 square foot facility being built “in a few weeks”. I was also surprised they “found land” since LEDC Misti Talbert has told us many times that her Business Pork is “the only game in town” right now and there is simply no other land to be had! She repeated that lie in February when she was begging for the $971,000 in city Covid money.

The LEDC ALSO listed PhoLicious as one of their “serious” prospects for the Business Pork earlier this year. I questioned that too, of course.

I have no doubt that when PhoLicious got accepted by Wal-Mart a few weeks ago, Misti and Mandy immediately had visions of a hugely successful business blossoming in their $7.1 million dollar Business Pork. They’d get to show everyone that the Business Pork was FINALLY worth it!

Best of all, they’d show that mean old Lampasshole he’s been wrong all these years!!

But that all blew up in their faces VERY publicly tonight on the LCBN Facebook page:

Ouch. That’s like when Jan Levinson gave David Wallace a big promotion on the TV show “The Office” and Wallace promptly told her he was quitting for a better job offer from Staples or Office Max or something. Complete and total kick in the nuts and huge douchebag move.

I was wondering who the “developer” was and where the “land” was. Trousdale let slip here that it was “by the fire station” so I can make a pretty good guess: the big warehouse that Mike Irvin just bought where Greenskeepers used to be, maybe? That is a HUGE building and more than enough for PhoLicious, so something else must have happened behind the scenes to scuttle this “deal”.

Did the City not cough up a big enough bribe subsidy economic incentive? Did Trousdale realize he will never find enough workers here (something I have pounded the table on repeatedly as a reason the Business Pork will never work)? Was all his gushing about the LEDC helping him out just a pile of shit to keep them buttered up for possible free land in a year or two?

If anyone out there has the dirt on how this all fell apart, email me at lampasshole@protonmail.com

As for the LEDC, get used to this feeling. It’s going to happen again with Eco-Strong very soon.

Business Pork Prospects – Part III (PhoLicious)

We covered Nextlink in the last segment. It’s time to look at PhoLicious.

PHOLICIOUS: You gotta love the owners. They came out of nowhere and have a kick-ass little spot across from Hoffpauir Feed Store, they’re on Amazon, they have a slick website, they both seem SUPER nice. They quit their old jobs (thanks Covid!) and took the plunge. I have zero doubt they put in 16 hour days and kill themselves to make it work. They are the quintessential small business owner taking risk and working hard to build something of value.

In other words, the exact OPPOSITE of Julie Landrum at Wool & Vine.

I hope they are a raging success and make a million bucks.

BUT – does that make them a realistic candidate as a viable tenant for the $7.1 million dollar Business Pork and all the infrastructure it entails?

Sadly, no. For several reasons:

#1 Their HUGE pressing need is just plain old space. Just a big, empty warehouse. I’m guessing that a MASSIVE percentage of their business is actually the Amazon side of things. I’ve seen their Facebook videos of piles and piles of boxes (filled with the kits) and there’s just no way they are selling all that in town here. The owner also admitted to me during a chat that they REALLY need warehouse space.

She also lamented the ridiculous cost of land around town. I agreed. There are a hell of a lot of property owners who are deluded about what their building is worth – which is why we have MANY empty building sitting around town.

Here is a thought: call up the owner of one of these empty buildings that is sitting there earning $0 in rent and offer to use it as a warehouse. I can think of a few immediately:

Rutlands. This was supposed to be turned into lofts, according to an article from THREE YEARS ago. It sits there – big and empty and waiting to hold Pho boxes.

“Millican’s Dry Goods” eyesore that sits on the square right next to Windsor Foods and the county offices. I’ve been inside that spot. It is massive. I believe the owners live in Kempner or Cove. Make them an offer.

The old AmVets building. Pretty sure it’s empty ever since Twisted Oak went under. That’s also a huge spot.

#2 They are in a cut-throat business and have only been around a short while. There is no guarantee they will be around in two years (it will be at LEAST another 18 months before the Business Pork is ‘shovel ready’ for the second time).

On Amazon, they are competing with the likes of “Phonomenal” and about a dozen other Pho makers. PhoLicious needs to get their price down about 20% if they hope to compete long term. I know this because my best friend is former VP of global operations for Golden State Foods and he knows the business.

[In fact, if PhoLicious happens to read this and wants to pick his brain, contact me at lampasshole@protonmail.com]

#3 They don’t really employ anyone right now. I think it’s just the two of them doing everything themselves. Maybe have another body or two at $15/hr to put the kits together, but we are not talking a huge amount of jobs here. Certainly not enough to justify $7.1 million dollars in land, roads, electricity, water, etc that the Business Pork has committed to.

In conclusion: while I certainly hope they hit it big, there is a lot of uncertainty here and not really the potential for massive jobs (like, say, Ajinomoto Windsor type jobs). If their financials are solid and prospects good, they should be able to EASILY get a bank loan (if needed) and secure some warehouse rental space that is badly needed to reach the next level.

Damn, all this talk about pho is making me hungry. I think I’ll head up to Pholicious and grab a beef pho kit!

P.S. – it’s funny to me that LEDC is bending over backwards for a tiny, brand-new, yet-to-be-proven little “food production” operation when they told Anijimoto Foods to go fuck themselves in 2016 when Ajinomoto offered to bring TWO HUNDRED MORE JOBS to Lampasas. Classic LEDC stupidity. Ironically, Talbert, Monroe and Williamson were all on city council at that time too.