I can just see the ancestors of Clayton Tucker getting their panties in a bunch over every single new thing that comes along because they’re scared rabbits who live with their mothers:
Caveman Clayton in 10,000 B.C.: “Yes, this fire can cook food to make it taste WAY better but it looks really dangerous. What if we burn our fingers? What if the grass catches on fire and spreads? Plus the smoke hurts my eyes a little bit and probably pollutes the environment. Please sign my petition for a moratorium on fire until I have studied this issue at length.”
1893 Clayton: “This ‘electricity’ thing looks super dangerous. People could get shocked or a fire may burn your house down. Yes, electric lighting is far better than candles, but this is just too far and too fast. Sign my petition to put a moratorium on Tesla’s dangerous AC electricity. I’m not even sure that Edison’s DC current is safe enough. Plus is will destroy the candle industry. What will all the candlemakers do??? I need to study the issue and then I’ll let you all know when it’s safe enough. No, I’m not a homosexual. Why do you ask?”
1913 Clayton: “Ford is making gasoline-powered carriages for the masses that are super cheap? Any peasant with a little money can travel with speed and comfort? That sounds horrific. What if there are crashes? Plus gasoline is flammable. People might die. It takes 12 hours to make a car now and Ford will cut that down to 1.5 hours? Think of all the union wages that will vanish! What will those people do? Not to mention all the horses out of a job. He’s an oligarch and monopolist…not to mention he hates jews which is not very diverse of him. Sign my petition to put a moratorium on automobiles until I have studied this issue further. No, I don’t know shit about engineering. Why do you ask?”
1915 Clayton: “‘Aeroplanes’?? Are you kidding me? Heavier-than-air flight is impossible. Everyone knows that. This is insane. These things will be falling out of the sky and hitting houses and people – and will probably destroy prime farmland and precious water when they hit the ground. Absolutely not. Yeah, they are about 50 times faster than traveling by wagon, but it’s just too risky. Sign my petition to put a moratorium on the “aeroplanes” until my pea brain has studied this thoroughly. No, I don’t have a degree in engineering, why do you ask?”
1930s Clayton: “A corn harvester? Sounds very dangerous, what with blades and machinery whirring around super fast. Somebody might get hurt or get a piece of corn husk in their eye. What will all the human corn harvesters do for work? Yes, it’s 50 times faster and relieves these people of a back-breaking task, but they need those jobs to survive. Plus those things leave a little bit of corn in the field and aren’t super efficient yet. No, too dangerous. Please sign my petition to put a moratorium on corn harvesters until I have studied the issue. No, I’m not a farmer or engineer…why do you ask? I live with my mother.”
1990s Clayton: “Internet? Don’t make me laugh. The dial-up speeds are WAY too slow to be useful. Plus, it might put travel agents and stock brokers out of a job! Imagine if people could buy 100 shares of IBM for a few pennies instead of paying their scumbag broker $100 to do the same thing on HIS computer? What would all those people do for a living? Not to mention, if everyone was on their computer all day long it would use TONS of power and crash the grid. We just can’t risk it. Sign my petition to put a moratorium on the Internet until my smooth fecal brain has had time to study the situation. No, I’m not a computer science major…I’m political science, if you must know. Why do you ask?”
2026 Clayton: “Data centers? That will destroy all the water and use up all the power. Can’t have it.”
I think you know how the rest goes.