Tag: CorVive

Remember The Corvive Scam??

I can’t believe it’s already been FOUR YEARS since a bunch of morons and scammers tried to convince a bunch of poor saps that they’d become rich selling Corvive pyramid scheme crap.

Hilarious.

A sex offender, a couple of morons and a midget. What a crowd! Just the guys you can trust to make you rich!

Reminder: nobody got rich except the fat midget scumbag who started the pyramid scheme. Everyone else got screwed. NEVER join a pyramid scheme!!

Actual explanation of scam once posted on a whiteboard at Toupsies restaurant circa 2019:

Hey everyone! Just get FOUR other people to join the scam, and we’ll all be rich!!!!

BAHAHAHAHAHA! Grown men fell for this shit. Pathetic.

BEWARE!! It’s Almost Beaver Season!

No, not those adorable, furry little semi-aquatic rodents!

Jeremy ‘Meatball’ Fouts offers some high-priced fiber

I’m talking about the Eager Beaver CorVivers! The ones who appeared en masse (look it up, Monica) last December with promises of getting super rich while losing 50 pounds and annoying all your Facebook friends!

It’s about that time of year when the pyramid lovers emerge to prey on everyone feeling fat and broke after the holidays. The acolytes of Jeremy ‘Meatball’ Fouts may try and push overpriced laxatives and protein powders on you while promising riches and ‘being your own boss’.

This is, of course, all bullshit. Like the 600 other MLM pyramid scams currently in operation. Do yourself and your wallet a favor this year – and don’t fall for their nonsense. Remember that (according to Federal Trade Commission studies) 99% of MLM participants LOSE MONEY.

Poor Eager Beaver CorVivers Just Can’t Catch a Break

It’s been a while since I poked fun at the CorVive crowd…mainly because the “crowd” has dwindled to just a few suckers left holding the pyramid-shaped bag with a garage full of over-priced CorVive laxatives. But I just couldn’t pass this up – way too funny.

A few days ago, I saw an article headlined “Top Ten Worst Resorts For Food Poisoning”. Since I am a worldly Lampasshole who frequently travels internationally, I figured it was worth a look.

Number three on the list was “Riviera Maya, Mexico” and it kept ringing a bell with me, but I couldn’t immediately remember where I had seen that resort before. Then it hit me: THAT is the “prize” that Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts dangles out for the CorVive suckers who suck the most chumps into his CorVive scam!! LOL. What a guy! Not only is he a scumbag, he is a CHEAP scumbag.

What’s the prize for the year after this one? Haiti? Or maybe Hurghada Egypt?? BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Nice burn job, Meatball Fouts.

Have You Ach13ved Your Massive Weight Loss?

Well, we are 13 weeks into the new year! You know what that means!! All the CorVive Ach13ve people have completed their 13 weeks of taking overpriced laxatives, overpriced protein powder and imitation Red Bull powders….and it only cost them about $1,000!! What a deal!

Well?? Did you all lose 40 pounds? Judging from the complete lack of crowing, boasting and photo proof on the Internet, I am guessing not.

Gone are the daily photos of salads. Gone are the weekly photos at the gym. Forgotten, like every other New Years resolution. I guess taking overpriced CorVive potions alone DOESN’T lead to easy weight loss. I guess you actually have to (wait for it….) eat less and exercise more to lose fat! Who knew??

Well…..I did.

The average person who wants to lose fat and who exercises more and eats less (i.e. runs a caloric deficit) can expect to lose 2 pounds a week over the long run…and even THAT is very difficult. I know because I have done it twice in my life. I lost 25 pounds in 3 months the first time and 20 pounds in 3 months the second time (15 years later). It is not easy. You DO have to make sacrifices. I drank a little less beer, skipped chicken wings….and joined a GYM (a word that Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts has NEVER used in his video sales pitches, to my knowledge) and exercised more.

What I DIDN’T do is take some overpriced magic beans, waste $1000 and assume the fat would just go away. That is complete bullshit, obviously. If it wasn’t, all the Eager Beaver CorVivers in town (as well as Meatball Fouts) would be slim and trim and ripped right now, down 40 or 50 pounds in 13 weeks. None of them are.

So probably the BEST case is you wasted $1,000 on CorVive and are down 20 pounds since Jan 1st: congratulations! You could have done the EXACT same thing without CorVive (like eating nothing but Twinkies) and saved $1,000.

Most likely, you are about the same weight you were on Jan 1st, your $1,000 is now nestled in the pocket of that scumbag Fouts, and you have a bunch of magic beans in your garage right now you are trying to figure out how to unload on the next Greater Fool. Good luck!!

Twinkie Diet Just as Effective as CorVive Magic Beans – And Costs WAY Less!

Back around January 1, a lot of misinformed yahoos got all excited that they “lost 6 pounds in three days!” or “I’m down 14 pounds in two weeks!” and (erroneously) attributed these miracles to the CorVive magic beans upon which they had recently wasted $500.

Of course, the real reason they lost weight was (1) the water weight loss that comes at the start of any crash diet (water weights 8 pounds per gallon) and (2) the reduction in calories that came from eating better.

The only way to lose FAT (not water weight) is to burn more calories than you consume. Period. The calories don’t really matter either – you can eat junk food, as long as you restrict caloric intake.

Now that all those same yahoos are eerily silent, no doubt having gained back the water weight while watching mounds of overpriced snake oil pile up in their garage, I’d like to take this opportunity to rub it in their faces a little bit.

I’m doing the Twinkie diet for one week. I’ll eat 14 Twinkies per day (1820 calories) and nothing else. This will cost me about $8 per day – or FAR less than the CorVive magic beans plus normal food.

Day one – weighed in at 205.5 this morning. Ate two Twinkies at 8am. I don’t think I’ve had a Twinkie since I was probably 8 years old. I’m not a huge fan of cakes and pies and dessert shit. My vice is beer and vodka. It will be difficult not having a sip of booze for 7 days – especially with the nice weather and the NCAA tourney on. But my desire to make the Eager Beaver CorVivers look foolish will carry me through this difficult time.

Day one – ate two Twinkies every two hours today. Took a massive dump…and I didn’t even need a CorVive overpriced laxative to compel me to take this dump. Score another one for Twinkies!!

Day two – weighed in at 204.2 this morning! Yay! CorVive Twinkies are already paying for themselves…what a miracle product this CorVive Twinkie is! The fat is just melting away!! I may try and sign up suckers others to sell Twinkies FOR me in a pyramid-like structure….it can’t possibly lose! I’ll be rich! Who wants to lose weight AND make money!! PM me 😉

I actually thought I would wake up starving today but I didn’t. I also had a Monster Energy (zero calories) with my Twinkies to emulate the overpriced CorVive NRG product, which contains many of the same ingredients. The one CorVive product I did NOT emulate is the idiotic laxative that Meatball Fouts calls a “cleanse” (CorRenew) – which is absolute nonsense.

Day two – went to gym as I normally do today. By the way, “gym” and “exercise” (and “proper nutrition”) are words that never EVER seem to escape Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts fat mouth during his painful Facebook video bloviating. He instead pushes you to swallow pills and powders 15 times a day. He does this because it puts money into the pocket of Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts.

Day three – weighed in at 202.4 – I’m down 3 pounds in 48 hours!! All thanks to Twinkies! Should I get on Facebook and tell everyone? Should I take pictures of my Twinkies and post them on Facebook and tell everyone how AWESOME Twinkies are, and how they need to buy Twinkies from me at $1.50 each?? I think I might. It’s not an MLM pyramid scheme…it’s a new thing I invented – a MELT scheme. Me Eating Lots of Twinkies.

Day three – I am really wanting some bacon right now. Oh well. Did three hours of yard work today – felt fine during this despite the caloric restriction.

Day four – weighed in at 201.9. Holy shit, the fat is just melting away! Did I mention I have not ingested a SINGLE overpriced CorVive product to achieve this amazing transformation? I’m very tempted to go on Facebook and write a huge article about what a winner I am and how others are jealous and hate me for my success in the Twinkie area. But I’m not a 14-year-old girl, so I will refrain. #twinkiesrule #junkfoodrocks

Day four – three more hours of yard work today. No problem. There is college basketball on tonight and today is opening day for baseball. I am extremely tempted to go to the bar and have a beer and relax watching sports. But sacrifices must be made to lose weight. I am a winner! I know I am a winner because I just typed it on the Internet.

Day five – weighed in at 201.5 pounds. OK – seriously now….I am starting my MELT system today and you would be a FOOL not to get in on the ground floor and achieve financial independence. Simply order my “starter kit” for $235 plus shipping, handling and a small “idiot tax” and I will rush you 100 Twinkies so you TOO can MELT the weight away!

Don’t watch the parade go by. Get in on the ground floor! Be your own Twinkie boss, you fool!! Buy buy buy!! This may also prevent colon cancer. I can’t prove it but I’m going to suggest it and you probably can’t disprove it, so take my word for it!!

In reality, the weight loss is slowing because (a) the first 3 pounds was easy water weight loss and (b) my metabolism is adjusting to less calories – once you lose 2-3% of your original body weight, the body adjusts quickly.

Day six – weighed in at 201.2 pounds. I have been running a caloric deficit of about 1000 calories a day now – 6000 calories equals about 1.7 pounds of actual FAT. Yet I am down well over 4 pounds. How is this possible? Water loss and probably some muscle loss, since I am not hitting the weights as hard as usual. No magic powders or pills needed.

Went to gym today – had a Muscle Milk afterwards (160 calories and 32 grams of protein – 50% more protein than the CorVive protein product) in place of a Twinkie.

I also ate a pile of crawfish today and watched hoops because I was going crazy with Twinkies. Six pounds of crawfish = 16oz of tail meat = 360 calories = 3 Twinkies…which I did not eat. I also had three drinks of booze.

Day seven (final day) – weighed in at 201 pounds. Only 14 more Twinkies to go. These will be the last Twinkies I ever eat in my life.

Day eight weigh in, after 7 days of Twinkie diet – 200.6 pounds…..or about 5 pounds in a week. If I continued this Twinkie thing for 9 more weeks, the weight would come off much slower as the body adjusts. But the point is proven: it is just calories that matter. Nothing else. Forget overpriced pills and snake oil. Eat less…exercise more. It’s the ONLY thing that works.

Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts Back on Facebook Pushing Overpriced Laxatives

As I watched Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts pushing laxatives (CorVive CorRenew product) and lying with almost every breath he took on his latest CorVive Facebook video, it occurred to me he might have made a great politician. If he wasn’t so short and fat, he might have had a chance to be a world-class, government-paid liar and maybe U.S. Senator instead of a sad, lumpy clown who pushes overpriced laxatives to suckers via Facebook video. It takes a special kind of scumbag to spout such absolute nonsense with a straight face. Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts is just such a scumbag.

In his latest video, Meatball Fouts not only tells everyone they should take his laxative every single morning because it removes all those pesky “toxins and chemicals” (lie) but he also intimates that it can probably reduce colon cancer as well! Wow. Meatball will stoop as low as he needs to in order to get your money.

Here is a transcript of his latest lies (8:32 mark in the video):

“Everyone today is struggling with their diets…with stress….they are struggling with going to the bathroom on a regular basis, that’s why colon cancer is so much on the rise…“

Stop right there for a moment. See how casually he throws out these lies and unfounded statistics? That is why you shouldn’t trust this scum bag and it is why any grown adult who is selling this garbage should be embarrassed and ashamed of themselves. He just makes up complete lies on the fly without batting an eye. I don’t know how any of you sleep at night – even P.T Barnum would be ashamed to go this far with his hucksterism.

Colon cancer is NOT “so much on the rise”. Colon cancer has been DECREASING STEADILY for DECADES. Nice try, Meatball. Even if colon cancer WAS an exploding epidemic, your shitty, overpriced laxative isn’t going to do anything about it, except line the pockets of Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts and dirty the toilets of a lot of gullible suckers.

This is how Meatball Fouts, the midget snake, operates all the time: FIRST he throws out a ridiculous, demonstrably false claim (“colon cancer is on the rise” or “the leading cause of weight gain is failure to pass waste from your body”) THEN he offers his shitty, overpriced pills and says they will solve this fake problem – even though there is ZERO evidence of that. He REPEATEDLY claims that the CorRenew laxative removes “toxins and chemicals” from your body. This is absolute bullshit. I have repeatedly requested by email ANY studies that have to prove any of these wild claims and they refuse to respond.

In fact, ALL “cleanses” and “detoxes” are absolute, unmitigated bullshit. Of this, there is no question or doubt in the scientific realm.

The midget makes up a fake problem then offers a fake solution. This is the very definition of a scum bag and a snake oil salesman. Look up “huckster” in the dictionary, and you should see a photo of the scumbag Jeremy Fouts there staring you in the face.

Never ONCE does Meatball Fouts utter the words “exercise” or “proper nutrition” or “see your doctor before taking our snake oil” or “get a complete blood workup” or ANYTHING a normal person would do if they were serious about improving their health.

Anybody who believes a word this slime ball says has a pea brain.

How Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts Can Prove He is Not a Snake Oil Huckster

People ask why I have such vitriol for Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts and his snake-oil schemes. What do I care if a bunch of chumps get suckered by a huckster? No skin off my back, right?

To some extent, I don’t care. If somebody stays up late, sees an ad for an obvious boondoggle on TV like “The Thigh Master” and blows $40 then realizes it is a piece of garbage….well, they learned a cheap lesson and it ends there. Plus, you kind of brought it on yourself – the Thigh Master is more of a passive screw job.

Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts is a different kind of animal, however. A snake, to be exact. He makes wild promises of riches and being an “independent business owner” who badgers everyone in their social circle with outlandish and demonstrably false claims. He wants you to go and recruit other people into his scheme – not just buy a product from him. It’s all about the recruitment, not the product.

If Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts had actually invented revolutionary new products that led to incredible results, he could sell it like a normal person on a store shelf or Amazon or a health food store – where it would compete and presumably dominate the inferior products. The fact that he doesn’t do this speaks volumes. The “product” is mediocre, overpriced and secondary to his true aims – which is recruiting more suckers.

So this is an ACTIVE scam instead of a passive scam, like the Thigh Master.

Don’t believe me that it’s all about recruiting instead of product? Here is a snap shot from a meeting right here in town last month – sure looks like they are pushing the recruitment thing to me…it also is shaped very much like a pyramid:

Four people each recruit 4 people…then those 16 people recruit 4 people…etc, etc, etc. The people at the bottom of the pyramid will definitely get screwed – and the bottom gets bigger all the time. Which is why the FTC studies show that 99% of MLM participants lose money.

Google searches turn up loads of stories about poor suckers who get into MLMs and ruin their lives. Elderly people and single moms who believe slime balls like Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts and mortgage their homes, run up $20k in credit card debt, and have piles of unsold products in their garage – all because they believe the b.s. coming out of the mouths of a slime ball who told them they could make millions.

Meatball Fouts has been in the MLM game for a LONG time. He HAS to know that it ends badly for a majority of people…yet here he is, pushing b.s. stories about untold riches.

So….back to why I care. If I was in a crowded HEB in my small town surrounded by strangers and a rattlesnake came slithering into the store, I would feel the strong urge to yell “SNAKE!! Watch out!” even though I could just as easily walk away and keep my mouth shut. I mean, why would I care if a complete stranger gets bitten by a rattlesnake? I guess I’m just a big-hearted fool….plus it is totally normal human behavior. Only a complete pyscho WOULDN’T warn the strangers around him they are about to get bitten.

There are a few things Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts can do to prove he is not a snake-oil huckster preying on the gullible:

FIRST: Release an income disclosure statement for CorVive salespeople. I have requested one (twice) by email and gotten no response. If people really are all getting rich doing this, you’d think Meatball would be more than happy to show me the evidence.

I want to know the following:

  • Total distributors throughout the year
  • How the total distributor count is calculated (as of a certain date, using averages, or other methodology)
  • Number of new distributors during the year
  • Number of distributors who quit during the year (so you can calculate the churn rate)
  • Turnover rate
  • Number of distributors earning $0
  • Definition of “active” distributor
  • Total number of distributors at a supervisor or leader level (i.e. have recruited other distributors)
  • Total number of  “active” distributors at a supervisor or leader level
  • Amount of product purchased by each level of distributor for the year

I suspect the CorVive income disclosure statement would look very much like the Plexus income disclosure statement below (and all the other MLMs):

82.41% make average $300 per year

5.12% make average $1,707 per year

8.96% make average $3,778 per year

Right there, we are up to 96.5% of people make under $3,778 per year – and that does NOT include all expenses! Like hosting parties, paying for and driving to Plexus conventions, hotel rooms, “leadership retreats” (sound familiar??), etc. Hardly the vast riches promised by most MLMs.

SECONDLY: Show me the scientific studies (preferably double-blind) that prove many of the wild CorVive claims I hear. Claims like “this product removes toxins and chemicals” and “can help with ADHD”. Hell, show me ANY study of ANY CorVive product proving ANYTHING special about CorVive. I have requested these by email also: no response.

THIRDLY: Jeremy “Meatball” Fouts can explain to everyone why he left GenesisPURE, why GenesisPURE disappeared and was rebranded as LivePure and his relationship with Robert Lindsey Duncan – who paid a huge fine for pretending he was a doctor.

Until Meatball answers these reasonable questions, I will keep yelling “SNAKE!” to warn those around me of a predator in our midst.

Are You “Suffering” From Dehydration? Do This:

Drink some water.

The latest CorViver Eager Beaver product supposedly helps with the huge swaths of the American population who are unwittingly “suffering” from dehydration. They have a new (expensive!) product with a super cool edgy name…HYDR8! Get it?? They must be paying someone a lot of money for these super cool and hip names.

Anyways, they have plenty of expensive HYDR8 to sell you! Call now! Act fast! Probably cures ADHD, acne and enlarges your penis as well, knowing these hucksters’ usual crazy claims.

Or, you could just pour yourself a glass of free water…but then the huckster makes no money off of you [insert frowny emoticon here]

Here’s a fun fact: the root of the word “dehydrate” is “hydrate” – which literally means “to take up or combine with WATER”. Imagine that! So the easiest, simplest and most effective way to fight all that evil dehydration going around it to hydrate yourself….or literally drink some water, dummy!!

Are people dumb enough to shell out money for HYDR8 rather than sip some water? We shall see…..

CorVive Hucksters Throw Out More Crazy Claims

I recently saw a CorVive huckster make the following claim:

“For those of you who haven’t been feeling so good…if you mix the NRG [overpriced CorVive product] with warm water, a teaspoon of honey, and freshly squeezed lemon it helps. The honey is a great antimicrobial and the energy in the NRG helps loosen everything up!!”

Sounds like somebody has a garage full of overpriced magic beans to try and unload! Wow. Let’s examine this ludicrous statement.

“The energy in the NRG help loosen everything up!!” Not sure how that is physically possible, since there literally is NO energy in the NRG potion. Says right there on the label. Do you see any calories on the list? I sure don’t. Calories are energy. B6 is not energy. B12 is not energy. Caffeine is also not energy – it is a stimulant. Taurine is an amino acid – it is also found in Red Bull and other energy drinks…as are the huge doses of B vitamins and niacin. So – kinda all the same stuff found here in NRG.

Maybe this huckster brilliant nutritional expert meant the STIMULANT caffeine will help loosen everything up? How does it do that, exactly? And if it DOES (unproven at this time), then couldn’t you just do the same thing with a cup of warm tea or coffee, which literally cost pennies a serving and is probably sitting in your pantry as we speak? Pretty sure people have been doing that for hundreds of years.

Ah…but then the huckster caring CorVive expert couldn’t unload the pile of magic potion sitting in her garage at a 270% markup! Now I get it. Truly, they are a benevolent and caring cult. Just ask them! CorVive = love, serve, and care!! (yes, they have been using that line!).

MLM Cult Aspects

It is very funny to watch the MLM members circle the wagons to defend against any dissent, logic, reason or facts. This is EXACTLY what cult members do when someone tries to talk sense to them.

One of the reasons why MLM reps defend their company so passionately is that they use cult-like tactics to recruit and retain people, something MLM campaigner David Brear has long argued. Here are just some ways MLMs are like cults:

  • Just like a cult, MLMs offer the promise of a utopian-like existence (in this case making easy money working from home doing what you love, and making new friends).
  • Just like a cult many MLMs are led by a god-like figurehead, or have equally worshipped key figures high up.
  • Just like a cult they have unscientific, mysterious secrets to success (for example, mindset and the law of attraction). If you fail to be successful you’ll be told you had a negative mindset or just didn’t work hard enough – it’s always your fault, not the flawed model.
  • Just like a cult they encourage alienation from any dissenting voices, even from family and friends. So if a friend tries to make you see sense, you’ll be told they’re negative or jealous of your success.  [ya’ll just jealous haters!!]
  • Just like a cult they use unnecessarily complex structures to hide the truth of their business model. Hence PQVs and seemingly endless status levels, like ‘Purple’, ‘Diamond’ and ‘Crown Princess’. [or COR12, COR80 and COR200, lol]
  • Just like cults they use shame and fear to recruit. If you don’t join you’re a ‘wage slave’ trapped in a job you hate on the conventional work-retire-die treadmill.
  • Just like a cult they use fear to control. When one high status rep left, all her ‘friends’ in the MLM were warned not to talk to her. She was also discredited and slandered through the spreading of untrue rumors.
  • Just like a cult they have an authoritarian grip over their reps. If you question anything you’re shamed for not ‘believing’ or ‘trusting’.
  • Just like a cult they use the moral high ground as a cover or diversion – often by associating themselves with a charity or starting their own. [or maybe praying for all the evil, jealous haters!]
  • Just like a cult, MLM recruits often appear to go through a sudden change in personality. One example is the relentless positive social media posts they make. They are not allowed to be ‘negative’ (or even just real).

And finally, just like a cult, MLMs can only exist with unquestioning devotion. If you examine them using cold, hard facts [like their income disclosure statements – have any of you requested income disclosure statements from CorVive? I did. They refused to send me one] they just don’t make sense as a viable business proposition.

This is why they so often use emotion and deflection to shut down any argument. Just try to have an open, honest conversation with someone in an MLM, or the MLM themselves and you’ll discover how hard it is to get facts out of them!

Indeed, we have no doubt that if you show this to a friend in an MLM they’ll dismiss it as lies, rubbish or negativity. But ask them to factually rebut each point and they won’t be able to. They’ll tell you how amazing their own experience is, or that their MLM is different. But it’s not.