Tag: clown horn

Insane Local Hermit: Melissa “Crazy Cane Lady” Johnson Still Scared Of Her Own Shadow. Craps On Cool Christmas Idea.

I used to joke that all the Covidiots back in 2020, 2021, and even 2022 (many were still wearing masks then) were “scared rabbits” afraid of their own shadows. Turns out, they were always like that. It’s just that Covid gave them an excuse to turn their insane hypochondria and neuroses into a “virtue” in their confused brains.

So virtuous! So caring!

Nobody exemplified this more than Melissa “Crazy Cane Lady” Johnson – who I skewered weekly. Of course, we found out AFTER Covid that she pretty much wore a mask all her life because “allergies” or something. She neglected to mention this when chiding all of us and explaining that wearing a mask was “no big deal.”

Of course, now the clowns are all admitting what WE knew all along: the masks were useless talismans. Worn only by virtue-signaling douchebags like Johnson, Fitzharris, Tucker and Haywood:

Like all asshole liberals, Johnson cannot stop telling people what to do and just mind her own business. This is likely because she HAS no business. She appears to be a weirdo hermit who spends most of her life inside pretending to be a member of Starfleet Command – emerging only rarely to shake her cane at the clouds or complain about the 2024 eclipse.

Now, Melissa “Safety Patrol” Johnson lets us know she is STILL in charge of everyone’s safety by taking a shit on a cool Christmas idea posted on Lampasas County Breaking News:

If I was 25 years younger, I’d LOVE to be one of those guys in the reindeer costumes being lifted up and down on that rig and pretending I was running into the sky. Is it possible I’d fall off and hurt myself? Sure, because I’d have 5 or 6 cups of eggnog and possibly a THC gummi beforehand.

But guess what? I’m a grown man and can make my own decisions. But meddling old crones cannot stand that thought…

Reindeer don’t have horns, you idiot.
It’s spelled BONY, not BONEY. DAMN you’re dumb!

Fuck your permits. This is America. I grew up in South Florida in the 1970s. People drove down Main Street in swamp buggies drinking beers from an OPEN CONTAINER in the 4th of July parade – back when America was still proud and great and not filled with lunatics who don’t know what gender they are and safety nannies wielding canes.

I think this idea is cool as shit. If I was a little kid, I’d probably fall for that and remember it for the rest of my life. That’s what make this time of year so much fun – cool stuff like that. Because you’re only a gullible kid for a short period of time. Then you grow up to be a meddling, miserable, mask-wearing cunt who can’t keep her nose out of everyone’s business, right?

I wish I owned a big earth mover like that, because I would totally make this happen. Then I’d drive that fucker right down the street to Melissa Johnson’s hovel and I’d lift my drunken reindeer guys over her driveway over and over again until she lost her mind.

Mad Dog on the Loose – Get the Muzzle

I don’t have a Facebook account, so I only know what people tell me or screenshot for me…but apparently there is a complete howling loon on the loose!  Threatening any local businesses that let me walk in their door.  Lol. I think he also threatened to shoot someone.  If I was that person, I’d be taking screenshots and calling the cops.  But I digress.

It is very entertaining to watch you chase your tails trying to figure out who I am and where I live. A few days ago, I apparently lived in Austin.  Then Round Rock.  Now I supposedly spend all my waking hours getting extremely drunk right in the middle of Lampasas town square and driving around town looking for innocent children to run over before I go home to kick my dogs and burn the American flag.

Very, very amusing.  But like they told me in the Air Force: if you are taking flak, you must be over a target.  So this only encourages me to keep going.

But I WILL do you the favor of listing all the local businesses I have frequented in the last 10 years so you can steer clear of them.  You may as well leave town after you see all the places your’re going to be boycotting, you complete and utter yam bag:

[My apologies in advance to the owners of all these fine businesses who will no longer be patronized by this jabbering clown horn of a person]

HEB, Wal-Mart, Schlotskys, Larry’s Lube, Hooten Plumbing, Family Medicine Clinic (no more lithium for you!), McDonald’s, Taco Bell, The Donut Shop, The Corner Store, Lucky Ranch (gone), The County Seat (gone), Brodi’s BBQ (gone), Twisted Oak (gone), Tractor Supply, El Rodeo, Alfredos, The Cake Lady, Putters and Gutters, Isom vets, First Texas Bank, Copy Cats, Toupsies, Brown’s Feed Store, Stripes, M&M Meats, Eve’s Cafe, Hoffpauir Feed Store, Nocked and Loaded, the gym (guessing you don’t go anyways), Advanced Window Tint, Dairy Queen, Paceline, County Inn, Mamma Jeans BBQ, Hart’s BBQ, Pizza Hut, Lampasas Inn (under  new ownership but screw them anyways, right?), Best Western, Bush’s Chicken (yummy), Auto Zone, O’Reilly Auto Parts, ACE Hardware, Spring Dry Cleaners, AT&T Store, Verizon Store.

I have had the audacity to spend money in every single one of these places.  It was extremely difficult to do, seeing as how I’m an outsider who should be keeping his mouth shut about local government.

Oh and one more thing about the “he doesn’t even live here” ‘logic’ you keep throwing out: it states clearly in the Lampasas City Personnel Manual that city employees do NOT have to live in the city!  Can you believe that??Not that I care at all, but I wonder how many of Lampasas’s 100 city employees technically live outside the city?  Might want to go yell at them as well, you ignoramus.