Simple Tuck

Simple Tuck, the story of a mentally impaired Lampasas farm hand who can “talk” to animals was a box office disaster, which many critics called ‘the worst movie of all time.

Agreed!

You muh-muh-muh make me happy, little baby goat”

Soros-Backed County Attorney Lets Off Left-Wing Scumbag.

An unhinged leftist goes through downtown Minneapolis, casually walking his dog and keying Teslas as if it’s a hobby. Not just one or two vehicles, but six Teslas, to be exact, with damage totaling more than $20,000. Caught red-handed on video, arrested by police, and unequivocally identified as 33-year-old Dylan Adams, a state employee (making $85,000 per year!) no less. 

AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin

Seems like a slam-dunk criminal case, right? Wrong. Instead of holding him accountable, Hennepin County Attorney Mary Moriarty decided to give him a pass.

Yes, you read that right. The man caused tens of thousands of dollars in damage, but rather than face criminal charges, Adams gets the warm embrace of “diversion.” According to Moriarty’s office, its priority is ensuring that he “keeps his job” and has the opportunity to pay restitution. Really? Is this what justice looks like now under liberal leadership—a coddling of the perpetrator while his victims are left wondering if their property even matters? This isn’t prosecutorial discretion; it’s left-wing activism.

Hennepin County Attorney Mary Moriarty

As a Democrat affiliated with Minnesota’s DFL Party, Moriarity has consistently championed leftist criminal justice reforms, including claims of racial disparities in marijuana stings and traffic stops, advocating for reduced incarceration, and emphasizing rehabilitation for juvenile offenders. Her tenure as Hennepin County Public Defender has been marked by clashes with establishment figures over her vocal stance on systemic racism. She also publicly identified as queer during her campaign, aligning herself with broader social justice movements.

This is a case study in everything wrong with progressive governance. Minneapolis police did their job. They identified a suspect, arrested him, and presented the case to the Hennepin County Attorney’s Office. But instead of enforcing the law, Moriarty turned it into a joke. The perpetrator is a state employee, a data analyst for the Department of Human Services. If that sounds familiar, it’s because bureaucrats like him are protected at all costs under leftist policies, and that protection comes at our expense. 

Who benefits from this? It’s certainly not the victims, who now have to fight tooth and nail for restitution they may never see. And it’s certainly not law-abiding citizens who are left wondering if criminals face any real consequences anymore. This isn’t just a failure at the local level; it’s emblematic of a broader liberal obsession with excusing bad behavior. In their worldview, the criminal is somehow the real victim, and property crimes are treated as minor inconveniences instead of serious offenses.  

But this wasn’t a random outburst of poor judgment. Adams systematically keyed cars targeting automotive “villains” like Tesla because Elon Musk has the audacity to want to root out wasteful spending from the government. 

Two Islamic Lawmakers Are Leading the Pakistanification of the Lone Star State.

Two Pakistani-born lawmakers – Democrats Suleman Lalani and Salman Bhojani – are spearheading a calculated campaign to Islamize Texas. Through legislation, cultural resolutions, and foreign allegiances, they are embedding the ideological blueprint of Pakistan into American law.

As they advance with alarming speed, Texas Republicans cower in silence—too afraid of being labeled ‘Islamophobic’ or worse, complicit through cowardice. The Lone Star State, once a symbol of rugged independence and liberty, is now being used as a testing ground for Sharia governance. Why are we surrendering our sovereignty to the very ideology that crushed religious freedom in Pakistan?

You’ll recall that socialist Clayton Tucker and his Texas Progressive Caucus group has heartily endorsed these worms…

There is a dangerous Islamization underway in Texas—and it’s not hypothetical. It’s here, unfolding in real time. Two Pakistani-born Muslim men, Dr. Suleman Lalani and Salman Bhojani, both Democrats, gained elected office in the Texas House of Representatives in the 2022 election and were sworn in on January 10, 2023. Lalani represents District 76 in Fort Bend County, while Bhojani serves District 92 in the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex. Their rise was made possible by the surge of Islamic voting blocs and the apathy of conservative Texans who failed to recognize the threat staring them in the face.

Lalani and Bhojani are not mere politicians. They are ideological actors with a clear agenda: to transform Texas from the bastion of liberty and American pride into a bureaucratically compliant outpost for Islamic cultural dominance. Both men swore into office not on the Bible, not even on the Constitution, but on the Quran—a gesture that tells you everything you need to know about where their loyalties lie.

Their short tenures have already proven devastating for the values Texas and the United States once held dear.

Texas is being used as a staging ground for ideological warfare. The nation was duped into believing that Islam is just another harmless religion that deserves celebration and accommodation. That lie has opened the floodgates for foreign cultural domination wrapped in the language of “diversity” and “inclusion.”

And what have Lalani and Bhojani done with the power granted to them? They have begun turning Texas into Pakistan.

Dr. Suleman Lalani: Bringing Pakistan to Fort Bend County

HR 34: Recognizing the Holy Month of Ramadan

Filed by Lalani and passed on March 13, 2025, this resolution officially recognizes the Islamic holy month of Ramadan in the Texas House. While cloaked in language of “respect and understanding,” it functions as state-sanctioned promotion of Islamic religious observance.

Meanwhile, Salman Bhojani flooded social media with slick Ramadan propaganda videos—each one carefully crafted to normalize Islamic holidays in America and condition Texans to view Sharia observance as civic virtue.


HR 36: Recognizing Eid al-Fitr 2025

Filed the same day as HR 34, this resolution designates Eid al-Fitr 2025 as an official date of recognition by the Texas House. With each passing resolution, Islamic customs are elevated to the level of civic virtue—while Christian holidays remain culturally expected but politically unspoken.


HR 37: Commending the Emgage Texas Emerging Leaders Program

This resolution should set off alarms. Emgage is a radical political lobbying group that is linked to the Muslim Brotherhood and explicitly dedicated to electing Muslims to public office and reshaping American policy through Islamic identity politics. It partners with Hamas-linked CAIR, pushes “Islamophobia” narratives, and works to normalize Islamic grievances as civil rights issues. By commending its youth indoctrination arm, Lalani is signaling his alliance with a national Islamic political machine.


HR 40: Commemorating Sindhi Saqafat 2025

This resolution commemorates “Sindhi Cultural Day,” bringing Pakistani ethno-nationalism directly onto the Texas House floor. It is a calculated step to normalize foreign identities over American unity, wrapped in harmless cultural symbolism.


HR 45: Recognizing April 29, 2025, as Texas Muslim Capitol Day

This resolution designates a day for Muslim advocacy in the Texas Capitol—a day organized by Islamic political nonprofits and used to lobby for policy changes tied to Sharia accommodation, anti-Islamophobia legislation, and foreign policy alignment. It turns the Capitol into a stage for Islamic political assertion.


HR 182: Memorializing Aga Khan IV (with Bhojani)

Co-authored with Salman Bhojani and others, this resolution honors Aga Khan IV, a global Islamic leader. It may appear respectful on the surface, but it reinforces foreign religious authority as a moral exemplar in Texas public life.

All of these resolutions, when viewed together, reveal a sweeping cultural strategy: normalize Islamic customs, elevate foreign identities, empower Islamic lobbying groups, and redefine Texas culture one resolution at a time.

Dr. Suleman Lalani was elected on November 8, 2022, and assumed office on January 10, 2023, representing Texas House District 76, which includes parts of Fort Bend County. A geriatric medicine physician, Lalani was born and raised in Karachi, Pakistan, and immigrated to the United States in 1993.


HB 625 & HB 667: Mandating Halal Food in Texas Schools

From his very first day in office, Lalani wasted no time injecting Islamic norms into the legislative bloodstream. Among his most glaring offenses is his push to insert halal food—Sharia-compliant religious slaughter—into Texas public school cafeterias. House Bills 625 and 667 aim to mandate that schools offer halal food upon request, even if it violates the religious beliefs of non-Muslim families. But this isn’t about dietary diversity. Halal is Sharia—a religious ritual involving the Islamic slaughter of animals while facing Mecca, invoking “Allahu Akbar,” and rejecting stunning or anesthesia.

These bills do not require clear labeling or separate handling—meaning Christian, Jewish, Hindu, and secular children could be forced to unknowingly consume meat sacrificed to Allah, in accordance with Islamic law they do not accept. Many Christians object on Biblical grounds, as Acts 15:29 commands believers to “abstain from food sacrificed to idols.” Under HB 625 and 667, it appears they will have no choice.

This isn’t inclusion—it’s religious coercion. And worse, halal meat is typically certified by Islamic organizations with documented ties to terrorism, including the Islamic Society of North America (ISNA)—an unindicted co-conspirator in the largest terrorism financing trial in U.S. history for funneling money to Hamas. Companies pay halal certifiers’ fees that become de facto Islamic taxes, used to fund lobbying, Sharia expansion, and radical political agendas.

So let’s be clear: this is not about “accommodation.” This is about submitting your child, your tax dollars, and your institutions to a religious system rooted in supremacist ideology and linked to terrorism. It is Sharia enforcement dressed up as school lunch policy—and it is a direct attack on Texas families and the First Amendment.


HB 1044: State-Sanctioned Sharia Marriage Comes to Texas

If Dr. Suleman Lalani’s push for halal mandates in public schools wasn’t alarming enough, his ideological twin, Representative Salman Bhojani, has taken it a step further—introducing legislation that quietly authorizes the institutionalization of Sharia-based marriage authority in Texas.

House Bill 1044, filed by Bhojani, amends Section 2.202 of the Texas Family Code to explicitly authorize Muslim imams to conduct marriage ceremonies—alongside Christian pastors, Jewish rabbis, Buddhist monks, and Hindu pundits.

At first glance, this might seem like a benign gesture toward religious inclusion. But don’t be fooled. HB 1044 is not just symbolic—it is a legal gateway. For the first time, Texas law now officially names Muslim imams as state-recognized marriage officiants, granting them the same legal standing as ministers or clergy of any other religion. This is more than recognition—it is state validation.

And in the hands of radical Islamic actors, that validation is a weapon.

HR 32: Honoring Pakistan Day in the Texas Capitol

Lalani’s Islamization campaign didn’t stop there. On March 23, 2025, he brought Pakistan itself into the Texas Capitol, pushing through House Resolution 32, which formally recognized “Pakistan Day” inside the state legislature. Yes—Texas lawmakers paused to honor a country that criminalizes Christianity, forces Hindu girls into Islamic marriages, and harbors terrorists.

That moment should have sparked outrage. That should have been when every leader in Texas stood up and said, “No more.” Instead?

Silence.

HCR 18: Declaring Muslim Heritage Month for Ten Years

Lalani followed up this insult by introducing House Concurrent Resolution 18, which successfully designated May as “Muslim Heritage Month” for the next ten years. Not one. Ten. This is not cultural recognition. This is legal entrenchment. Month-long celebrations inevitably become policy vehicles. They open the door for curriculum shifts in schools, state-sponsored Islamic events, and silencing criticism of Islam in the name of “heritage.”

Salman Bhojani: Radicalizing the Metroplex

HB 1882: Elevating Islamic Holidays in Texas Law

Bhojani has been working in lockstep with Lalani, introducing a barrage of legislation engineered to enshrine Islamic preferences into Texas law. His House Bill 1882 seeks to make Eid al-Fitr and Eid al-Adha optional state holidays—equating them with Christmas, Easter, and national civic holidays.


HB 1883: Blocking Exams on Islamic Holidays

Even more insidious is House Bill 1883, which would prohibit the scheduling of state exams on Islamic holidays. This may seem like a minor accommodation, but it signals a seismic cultural shift. Texas’ education system is now being asked to shape itself around Islamic calendars. And that is a lot of accommodation. Ramadan is a month-long, just for one example. That is not inclusion. That is submission.

HCR 85: The Weaponized Day to “Combat Islamophobia”

Perhaps the most alarming piece of legislation introduced by Texas Representative Salman Bhojani is House Concurrent Resolution 85, which proposes designating March 15 as the “Day to Combat Islamophobia” in Texas—for ten years, through 2035.

But this isn’t just a symbolic gesture—it’s an ideological weapon.

Bhojani used the opportunity to publicly praise and thank CAIR, the Council on American-Islamic Relations—an organization with documented ties to Hamas and the Muslim Brotherhood. CAIR has been aggressively working to Islamize America, silencing dissent through lawsuits, smear campaigns, and intimidation tactics aimed at anyone who dares challenge its political agenda.

This is the same CAIR whose Executive Director, Nihad Awad, recently declared support for the October 7 Hamas terrorist attacks on Israel—attacks in which women were raped, children butchered, and civilians, including Americans, were taken hostage. At the 16th Annual Convention for Palestine in the U.S., Awad proudly said:

“The people of Gaza only decided to break the siege—the walls of the concentration camp—on Oct. 7. And yes, I was happy to see people breaking the siege… and walk free into their land…”

Let that sink in: A Texas lawmaker is openly praising an organization led by a man who celebrated the mass murder of Jews and Americans.

This isn’t diplomacy. It’s treasonous appeasement. And it’s happening inside the Texas Capitol, under the banner of “diversity”—as foreign-aligned operatives like CAIR infiltrate our institutions with the help of elected officials like Lalani and Bhojani.

HB 1047: Expanding Official Recognition of Islamic Holidays

Filed by Bhojani and co-authored by Democrats and some Republicans, this bill seeks to formally recognize a range of religious holidays as optional state holidays—including Eid al-Fitr and Eid al-Adha. The bill places Islamic celebrations on equal footing with Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Sikh, and Buddhist observances—an intentional dilution of Texas’s Judeo-Christian calendar and a platform for future demands, including public school closures or religious accommodations.


HR 182: Memorializing the Aga Khan

Introduced by Lalani and Bhojani, this resolution officially commemorates the passing of Shah Karim Al-Hussaini, Aga Khan IV—a global Islamic leader and head of the Ismaili sect. While the Aga Khan is celebrated for philanthropy, this act represents another step in bringing foreign Islamic figures into the symbolic life of the Texas Legislature, reinforcing a global Islamic identity over American civic tradition.


HR 314: AAPI Day of Action

This resolution, which includes Bhojani and Lalani among its sponsors, is framed around Asian-American solidarity—but it also serves as a vehicle for Islam-centered identity politics. Events like “AAPI Day of Action” are frequently used by Islamist-aligned nonprofits to push Islamic grievance narratives in intersectional language, shielding them from criticism by embedding them in broader minority coalitions.

HB 1805: Creating a Religious Freedom Commission

Co-authored by Bhojani, this bill would create a new state agency—a Religious Freedom Commission. While the title sounds innocuous, it could be weaponized to institutionalize Islamic interests under the guise of religious liberty, giving radical terror-tied groups like Emgage, CAIR, or Muslim Advocates an official pathway to shape state policy, file legal challenges, and suppress opposing speech as religious discrimination.

But HB 1805 is far more than a symbolic gesture. It is a structural gateway for Islamic political groups to gain permanent influence over Texas law. Once seated on the commission, these operatives could redefine “religious freedom” to protect Sharia-aligned practices while branding any opposition as hate speech. The commission could:

  • Target political opponents by labeling Christians, conservatives, and constitutionalists as “Islamophobic.”
  • Push for Islamic arbitration courts, gender-specific accommodations, and taxpayer-funded halal food mandates under the pretext of liberty.
  • Shield mosque expansions and foreign-funded schools from scrutiny by reframing investigations as “discrimination.”
  • Use state resources and public grants to advance Islamic indoctrination programs disguised as “interfaith education.”
  • Undermine existing anti-Sharia legislation, challenge future bills, and introduce legal ambiguity around foreign law enforcement in Texas.

HB 1805 opens the legal door for Islamic supremacy to masquerade as civil rights—embedding a Trojan horse commission inside the Governor’s Office, complete with government backing, funding, and legitimacy. It is not about protecting freedom. It is about institutionalizing a weaponized ideology that punishes dissent and privileges one religion above all others.


HR 408 and HR 641: Foreign Loyalty on Display

HR 408 designates Bangladeshi Day and HR 641 designates Ismaili Day at the Texas Capitol—both authored or co-authored by Bhojani. These are not harmless acknowledgments. They are strategic steps to normalize foreign nationalist and sectarian allegiances within Texas political culture.

It is interesting that Representative Salman Bhojani wants to honor Bangladesh with a resolution at the Texas Capitol, yet remains completely silent on the brutal Islamic violence targeting Hindus, Buddhists, and other non-Muslims in Bangladesh. Why is there no resolution recognizing the persecution of Hindus in Bangladesh?

Why is there no public statement from Bhojani condemning the desecration of temples, the lynching of Hindu boys, or the forced conversions of girls?

Texans deserve to know: Is this about celebrating diversity—or whitewashing Islamic supremacy?


HR 256: Commemorating Harmony Public Schools

Perhaps the most dangerous resolution of all. HR 256, authored by Bhojani, celebrates the 25th anniversary of Harmony Public Schools—a publicly funded charter network tied to the Gülen Movement, a global Islamic organization operating schools across the U.S. and abroad. The Gülen movement, led by Turkish cleric Fethullah Gülen, has been accused of visa fraud, ideological indoctrination, and financial corruption. Harmony’s Texas campuses are taxpayer-funded and operate under the radar, while spreading subtle Sufi-Islamic messaging through a “STEM” façade. This resolution grants political legitimacy to a foreign-aligned Islamic network operating within the Texas education system.

But this resolution isn’t just a celebration of academic achievement. It’s a legitimization of ideological infiltration. Harmony Public Schools serve as a pipeline for Turkish Islamic indoctrination, cloaked in the language of science and innovation.

By commemorating Harmony Public Schools, the Texas House isn’t honoring education—it’s offering a public endorsement of a transnational Islamic movement that embeds its values into the American school system while skirting public accountability. For a movement known for stealth and subversion, this resolution serves as both cover and confirmation that its influence has already penetrated deep into Texas institutions.

Bitter Socialist Bodaggit Hits Peak Retard On April 21, 2025. Demands ‘Storms’ From ‘Climate Chaos’ Be Named After ‘Oligarchs.’

That’s it. He has jumped the shark. He can’t even get any more ridiculous and retarded than this “petition” right here on his Texas Commie Caucus website….

The climate has NOT become more “chaotic” you buffoon.

Relentless storms? Fuck, we haven’t had a decent rain out here since January 29th, you muffin head.

He asks, nay DEMANDS, that storms (which storms? What defines a storm?) be named after ‘oligarchs’ (define oligarch) who are “bringing about” all the “climate chaos”!

Wait, so you want to blame Elon Musk for that thunderstorm that blew through town and knocked over your shitty, homemade goat shed? LOL. A year ago you were sucking Musk’s cock for “saving the planet” with all his electric cars (total bullshit narrative, but YOU believed it!) and now you want to name some lightning and thunder after him as a kind of weird “punishment” like some retarded, superstitious tribe in the Amazon that still lives in the Stone Age and sacrifices goats to bring more rain?

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

That is about 5 layers of absurdity. You can also throw in the fact that there is no way in a million years this petition will EVER result in any kind of action being taken by anyone. EVER. Even Comrade Clayton HAS to know that on some level. Like, who do you even demand this of? The national weather service? Congress? The World Meteorological Organization?

No, this is the pointless yelling at clouds by a very frustrated and envious little boy. I would suggest that he needs to get laid but with a barn full of goats, he probably does that weekly. I think it just boils down to uncontrollable envy and a desire to lash out at the world and punish everyone else for his many, many shortcomings.

Just like his hero, Robert Reich….

This is the action of an underemployed loser with WAY too much time on his hands. If he was a normal person with a job, wife, kids, a mortgage and responsibilities, he wouldn’t have time for dreaming up foolishness like this.

Fact #1 – emissions from rich countries matter little in the 21st century. About 80% of emissions this century come mostly from China, India and Africa…not “oligarchs.”

Fact #2 – private jets are one of THE worst polluters on a per-capita and per-mile flown basis. Guess who recently spent $250,000 flying around all over to preach to trust fund dorks and $670-per-ticket Coachella attendees?]

Whoops!

What an absolute clown. What’s the next useless, impossible petition? Demanding that you grow four inches so you can be average height like everyone else? LOL. Good luck with that.

Of course, Man Bun Beebe signed it. The lone retard (unless you count my “Holden Cox” signature!)

German Mudbrain Christine Seefeldt Immediately Politicizes Pope’s Death.

I’ll be honest, after noticing the dummykraut hadn’t posted anything in almost two weeks, I was beginning to think she might have dropped dead. Unfortunately, that is not the case….

Here’s a fact for you: as soon as all the NGO money dried up and Uncle Sucker wasn’t funding the wholesale invasion of our country through all those Catholic Charities groups anymore, they folded up their tents and quit.

It’s REAL easy to be generous with the taxpayer’s money – just ask Comrade Clayton. The good old pope didn’t say “hey, we’re not getting billions from Uncle Sugar anymore. We better start selling off some of the treasures we have hidden down in the basement and pay for this shit ourselves.”

Nope. Didn’t say that. He also didn’t invite any of those fake asylum seekers into his personal million-dollar castle or his opulent personal living quarters, did he? Nope.

So fuck him and fuck Seefeldt, too. I’m allowed to say that as a survivor of 12 years of Catholic school and as a former altar boy myself. Fuck em in the ear. Open your own wallet, scumbags. Stop stealing from the taxpayer.

Carol Garner Doughty Of Lenox Massachusetts Now Championing Violent, Wife-Beating, Illegal Gangbangers.

It was bound to happen. It doesn’t matter how insane the policy is, if it is the OPPOSITE of something Trump is trying to do, then shitlibs are all for it. Whether that means men dressed as women beating the shit out of a real girl in high school sports, keying any Tesla they see after worshipping them just a year ago, or demanding an illegal, wife-beating scumbag be brought back into the U.S.

No matter how retarded the policy, Crazy Cunt Carol is for it. I mean AUNT Carol. Sorry.

You just KNOW that Crazy Cunt Carol’s bff Potato Head Fitzharris would LOVE to post shit like this too, but she can’t blow her cover here in Lampasas amongst the sane.

Why do they REPEATEDLY take such obviously retarded, backwards positions??

Easy:

Women signal their value by how much their opinions match the female collective. Add four years of intense brainwashing, in and out of the classroom, and there you go.

Men signal their value by their immunity to groupthink and brainwashing.

Beta males like Clayton Tucker just try to match the opinion of women.

I’d love nothing more than to have that Garcia fuck imported right back into Crazy Cunt Carol’s house (located in 98.57% white Lenox MA) for a few months and have him beat the ever-loving shit out of her like he did his own wife a few times. Her husband Jeff would probably thank him profusely and then suck his cock. Because that’s what shitlib beta cucks who look like Stephen Hawking do.

Exhibit A: totally insane shitlib and beta male cuck want more illegal gangbangers in the U.S.

It’s a shame Crazy Cunt Carol blocked me, because I would LOVE to see how they dealt with getting rid of their overpriced electric Tesla fagmobile that they just LOVED last year.

I’m 100% certain that they followed the shitlib hivemind and got rid of it. Of course, someone else is driving it, so nothing was solved except Jeffcuck took a bath on the transaction. LOL. Stupid assholes.

Socialist Semen Sipper Who Lied About Trying To Pay Off $7,000 School Lunch Debt Now Offering To Match Up To $10,000 Donations To Texas Commie Caucus!

Just so I have this straight:

When it comes to $7,000 in lunch debt at the local school you make up a huge lie about how you TRIED to pay it but, darn it, they just would let you! So you gave up.

But when it comes to spreading communism all over the state of Texas, you find an “anonymous donor” to match all contributions up to $10,000.

That’s the Chairman of the Lampasas Democrats for you: commies over hungry kids. Pathetic.

P.S. I wonder how much of that $10,000 Clayton Tucker will skim for personal trips to San Francisco?

Clayton Tucker Is STILL Too Fucking Stupid To Figure Out How To Get Good Internet. I’m Here To Finally Help Him Out.

You’d think a kid whose goats are dying left and right from neglect and incompetence might spend a little more time at the “ranch” and less time crying about Internet connectivity.

But you’d be wrong. He’s back up on his horse tilting at windmills.

This was a big issue many years ago and is now pretty much solved by Nextlink and Starlink and other free-market satellite-based companies, but Comrade Clayton (always fighting a battle from 5 years ago that is already won by the free market) is apparently unaware of Nextlink and Starlink. Either that, or his hatred of Elon Musk precludes him from seeing this very simple solution.

[Hey wait, wasn’t Joe Biden supposed to connect rural areas to the Internet with that $42 BILLION he spent?!? But Comrade Clayton doesn’t want to bring that up – he wants to blame evil Republicans!!]

His latest puddle of word diarrhea is filled with the usual lies, hyperbole, omissions and downright bullshit. Let’s tear it apart, shall we? Then I’ll instruct Comrade Clayton on how to get great Internet so he can stop crying like a pussy over this once and for all.

Comrade Clayton starts off with a bullshit story about a 911 call from “several years ago” and throws in the word “ain’t” one time to PROVE to you he’s just a southern-fried rube with cotton-picking grandparents.

Jebediah Clampett Tucker – the squirrel eater. Circa 1800

He likes to paint himself as a “rural dude” and “rancher,” but he is neither. He grew up in Georgetown and only came to Lampasas in 2016 after failing at life because he needed to live in mom’s house.

Lampasas is hardly podunk “rural” either – we have a Starbucks and everything! There are at LEAST 5 cell towers in the area and TWO of them are within 1.3 miles of Comrade’s mom’s house where he lives – right smack in the center of town…

Cell tower range is 25 miles in good conditions, but I’ll use 20 miles to be conservative. If you know your math to calculate area of a circle (πr2) that means EACH cell tower covers about 1,200 square miles! The entire county of Lampasas is just over 700 square miles, FYI.

So there is plenty of coverage. If some dumb fuck hits a fiber line with a backhoe, that is not the GOP’s fault. That is just life, brother. Shit happens and you roll with it. Unless, of course, you are an only child and momma’s boy who still lives at home and has never faced any hardships in your entire life. Then you lose your shit and go upstairs to tweet demands for free shit all day long.

If you own a BIG BUSINESS (Clayton does not) where uninterrupted Internet is VITAL to your bottom line, you are free to pay a little more for Starlink and get very reliable speeds of about 100 mbs. There is absolutely NOTHING stopping anyone from doing that, thanks to a guy Clayton has deluded himself into thinking is Hitler. But his delusions are his own problem, not ours OR the GOPs. So again….fuck off if you’re boycotting Starlink. You have only yourself to blame for your own stupidity and delusions.

I actually DO live out in the boondocks. So I’m WAY more of a “rural dude” than that asswipe. I used to have Viasat but it was expensive and it sucked, so you know what I did four years ago? No, I didn’t whine to the government about democracy and demand free shit like that pussy socialist does.

You see, a pussy immediately cries for “big government” to give him “free stuff” to fix everything and powder his ass and put a clean diaper back on for him. A real man finds a solution himself.

(Or maybe just move on back to the “big city” of Georgetown, you silly twat. Oh right: mom doesn’t have a house there for you to live in anymore. My bad.)

So, I looked at alternatives! The free market and capitalism have provided many. Nextlink refused to let me use a mast I already have on my house for a cell signal booster and they wanted to mount a tripod and dish on my roof. Fuck that. I never let ANYONE put holes in my roof for anything. Just a hang-up I have. I also didn’t want to shell out $500 or $600 for Starlink startup costs.

I ultimately settled on a half-assed jerry rig with an AT&T hockey puck thing. I have no clue how it works, nor do I care. I pay $90 per month and get great speeds – here is today’s speed measurement….

Enough for our family to use whatever devices we want simultaneously. End of story. If I had a BUSINESS and Internet was EXTREMELY important, I’d have shelled out the $$$ for Starlink. New end of story.

But those solutions require you to open your wallet and put in some effort. Piece of shit socialists like Clayton Tucker refuse to do either of those, so he’s left throwing tantrums like an infant for “free stuff” from Daddy Big Gov, like a 22-year-old single welfare mom.

Comrade Clayton uses very old data to “prove” his points while ALSO moving the goal posts from “internet access” to “access at ADEQUATE SPEEDS“! OH! So what constitutes “adequate,” you disingenuous clown??

“Just there for the photo op?” You mean like this?

The first link to the “7 million Texans” brings you to data from the LAST census – over five years ago! Other data in his “proof” link is from a 2016 report. LOL. Come on, comrade. You can do better than that.

Now to the finale – to stop you from crying for the next ten years, here is how you do Starlink:

Yes, Starlink is generally considered very easy to set up, requiring minimal technical expertise. The process involves finding a clear view of the sky, plugging in the dish, connecting to the Starlink app, and allowing the dish to find satellites. 

Here’s a more detailed breakdown:

1. Finding a Clear View: Use the Starlink app’s “Check for Obstructions” tool to identify a location with an unobstructed view of the sky.
2. Mounting the Dish: Starlink kits come with a kickstand for ground placement, or you can opt for roof or pole mounts.
3. Plugging In: Connect the dish to a power source and plug in the cable.
4. Connecting to the App: Use the Starlink app to guide you through the setup process.
5. Auto-Alignment: The Starlink dish automatically aligns itself to connect with satellites. 

6. Setting Up Wi-Fi: Use the app to name your Wi-Fi network and set a password.
7. Initial Delay: Allow a few minutes for the dish to connect and the software to download updates.
8. Potential Initial Slowdown: Be aware that speeds might be slower for the first 12 hours as the system optimizes its connection. 

Surely, a super-smart college-educated socialist can manage this? The $500 initial fee shouldn’t be a problem either since you are out there buying brand-new 2025 fagmobiles with no problem whatsoever.

You’re welcome. Now please stfu about the Internet and find something useful to do, you useless turd.

The Radiogram Is Toilet Paper Manufactured By A Mentally Handicapped Cadaver.

Even at a cost of $0.00, The Radiogram is wildly overpriced. I think I’ve told my story before of when I first moved to Lampasas 14 years ago and saw my first Radiogram in a bar – probably The Lucky Ranch. Remember that dive?

I remember how I laughed and laughed at the ridiculous misspellings, bad grammar and shitlib content. How I used to make corrections with a red pen and drop it off at the radio station to ridicule whoever the editor was. How I was shocked to find any shitlibs at all out in rural central Texas. Of course, now we have horrible situations like THREE generations of shitlibs infesting the town from Ohio, California and Oregon, but that’s another story.

Rhonda Witcher never disappoints with the shitlib lies and idiocy, even when he’s just copying and pasting Scripps propaganda:

First of all, if you apply dye to Easter eggs you are DYEING them, you mook. THREE TIMES they used the wrong word! DYING means the life is draining out of you, as in “the old, mentally handicapped radio station owner lay DYING in the hospital after accidentally perforating his rectum with a cucumber.”

Secondly, Rhonda makes sure to throw in the false shitlib nonsense about “RECORD-HIGH EGG PRICES!!” Here is a photo from HEB yesterday.

I’m no super-smart former college professor like Rhonda, but even I know that $4.36 is about 30% cheaper than the bullshit number of $6.23 he printed in his bird cage liner.

They are even cheaper locally from guys like me who can sell for $3 a dozen.

I’m left to wonder: who should our OFFICIAL village idiot be? We have so many choices: Bruce “The Manatee” Haywood? Rhonda Witcher? Potato Head Fitzharris? Grady “Soar Throat” Lucas? Or maybe pretend rancher Clayton Tucker?

If Comrade Clayton had a brother….