Quote Of The Year Winner: Misti Talbert

I just have to record this for later reference down the line. In today’s Dispatch, Mayor Misti Talbert made the following observation about wasting over $1,500,000.00 on a vanity project (new City council chambers and building renovation) she championed from start to finish:

“This has been a lot [of money]… but I think it’s been worth it,” Talbert said. “I think if you sit here for just a minute, you’re going to realize this is very worth it.”

I’m sure for The Seven Goldfish, it is very worth it. They get to sit in their fancy chambers surrounded by toys for about 4 hours a month. For the other 6,993 of us suckers citizens, probably not so much.

Although I guess if I sneaked into every single one of the 2,000 houses in Lampasas, stole $750 from every single one of them, didn’t get caught, then sat in my living room “for just a minute” ogling the $1,500,000.00 pile of loot I will get to enjoy at everyone else’s expense, then I would probably say the same thing.

Seven Goldfish Move Into Their New $1,500,000.00 Fishbowl

Huzzah! The $1,500,000.00 Talbert/deGraffenreid Wow-Factor Vanity Project is supposedly finally done, according to today’s Dispatch!! Only a year late and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars over budget!

I’m not sure why they waited until four days AFTER the Oct 28th City council meeting to trumpet this thing in the newspaper. Why not do your big Dispatch puff piece BEFORE the meeting? That way the highly engaged and intelligent electorate can come and gaze upon the majesty of its many big-screen TVs and its $95,000 no-bid A/V system, right?

Maybe it’s just MOSTLY done and not ALL done. Kinda like the ‘shovel-ready’ corpse repository business park. That would also explain why the Dispatch article says that City officials have announced that “a formal open house and dedication ceremony is planned in December” instead of making the same announcement last week. Gives them another month to actually make it ALL done, right?

I think one of the funniest parts of the article is where Spinley deGraffenreid explains to us morons that selling the entire building to Joe Corcoran in 2013 for $75,000 [which is less than $7 per square foot!] and then BUYING BACK THE EXACT SAME BUILDING IN 2015 FOR $229,000 was ACTUALLY a stroke of genius. BAHAHAHAHA. I gotta hand it to Spinley – I have no idea how he keeps a straight face when he makes these outlandish claims.

The explanation for paying over TRIPLE what they sold it for two years earlier? Well, I guess old Joe made some ‘improvements’ to the place – like new windows and a NEW ROOF, according to the Dispatch article.

New roof??? Weird. Because, as I recall, despite the idiots at JNW Architects collecting a check for declaring the building structurally sound [May 2016] and “in good shape”, City council LATER approved almost FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS TO RE-ROOF back on September 20th, 2018!

Spinley also loves repeating his fairy tale that the renovation was ‘only’ $1.02 million, because that’s how much they handed over to ASJ Construction. He doesn’t count all the other stuff – like the $154,000 they wasted buying back the building…the $54,000 to JNW Architects to make a bunch of mistakes consult…the no-bid $95,000 AV system…the $60,000 fire suppression system..$12,780 for 100 stackable chairs to hold the throngs of City Council attendees…$8,055 for OTHER Council furnishings…$50,000 contingency….random furnishings….the $128,400 elevator…the $45,000 roof repair that was supposedly already done by Corcoran….. and a WHOLE BUNCH of other stuff.

Only in the mind of a government bozo do those costs not count. The REAL number is WELL OVER $1.5 million, my man.

Here is a summary of just a small bit of the stupidity – the roof:

November 2013: City council decides to sell the building to Joe Corcoran for $75,000 or less that $7 per square foot.

In 2015: City council The Seven Goldfish decide to buy the same building back for $229,000 – apparently forgetting (as goldfish are prone to doing) they just sold it for $75,000. They claim the $154,000 wasted is ok because Joe fixed some windows and put on a new roof. Joe triples his money in less than two years. Your tax dollars at work.

May 23, 2016: JNW Architects said the building “is in good condition”

October 2016: Finley hands JNW another $18,000 for “structural analysis and provide documentation” for the building.

September 2018: Finley comes begging to City council for $45,000 to re-roof the building. Council The Seven Goldfish, forgetting (as goldfish are prone to do) that the building was already deemed awesome and structurally sound, agree to fork over the $45,000 with no questions.

This would all be hilarious if it was happening to Chicago or Austin Copperas Cove…but no. Sadly these morons are running OUR city. How many more millions need to be wasted before people wake up?

Tyler Technologies, Incode Software and What REALLY Happened During Ransomware Attack – PART I

The City has been paying Tyler Technologies a tidy sum every year since at least 2014. Tyler provides Incode – which (as far as I can tell) is the software than runs all the utility payments for the city, among other things. Below are the amounts paid to Tyler since 2014 (as far back as I bothered to look – not sure how long they have been under contract):

  • 2014 – $33,939.65
  • 2015 – $35,540.42 (+4.70%)
  • 2016 – $37,984.99 (+6.87%)
  • 2017 – $39,820.80 (+4.83%)
  • 2018 – $41,762.43 (+4.87%)
  • 2019 – $43,816.63 (+4.92%) – this is AFTER Ransomware disaster!!
  • Average over five years: +5.82% per annum
  • 2020 – $45,693.33 (+4.28%)
  • 2021 – $47,463.11 (+3.9%)
  • 2022 – available next month…my guess is it’ll be over $50,000

I am really in the wrong business. Only as a government contractor can you raise your prices by 5.8% like clockwork every year and nobody bats an eye. It’s not like this software runs on gasoline and the price of fuel went up 6%….or there are parts made of silver that wear out and need to be replaced. No, it’s a string of code with no moving parts…they just raise it because they can.

MAYBE they raise it because they have to pay their tech support guys more and more every year. Those people who are on the other end of the line when the sh!t hits the fan and Monica/Kristy calls up in a panic asking them to “remote in” to fix the ransomware disaster they are sitting in the middle of. That must be it, right? I mean, for over $40,000 per year, you MUST get SOME kind of customer service, right??

Not exactly.

I requested internal City Hall emails of Monica, Kristy, Finley and Gary covering the period from Aug 15th through mid-September…during the August 16th ransomware disaster (which I estimate has cost the City roughly $40,000 in new computer equipment). Those emails do NOT paint a pretty picture when it comes to Tyler Technologies. Yet, the City STILL renewed their contract AND got bent over for a 5% increase!! Such amazing negotiators over there at City Hall. No wonder developers are flocking to Lampasas with their candy bags and departing with $100k each!

Up next – copies of internal emails during The Great Ransomware Disaster of August 16th.

More Proof That The LEDC Is Wasting Their $120,000.00 On The Halff Associates Consulting Contract

As I’ve reported here before, the City is currently in the midst of wasting $120,000.00 on a ‘consulting contract’ with Halff Associates to ’empower the community’ and ‘give everyone a voice’ in the future of Lampasas.

This is a fool’s errand, as I have ALSO pointed out before….but I offer more proof here today.

A recent article in The Dispatch details the demolition of an old locker plant and ice house at 707 Pecan Street for possible retail and upscale apartment development.

The response on Facebook was swift and diverse: a bunch of people complained that a six-story building is turning us into Austin and is no good for the city. Another group thought it was a great idea because we need more housing here. Yet another group bitched that we don’t need more retail space since there are TONS of empty storefronts on Key Ave AND Town Square (good point, I might add).

In short, you can’t get 50 Lampassholes to agree on anything, let alone 6,000 of them. It would be like herding cats. Throw in the fact that probably 35% of the ‘cats’ fall into the “retarded” section of an IQ Bell curve, and you can see my point.

Already people are arguing about the upcoming Burger King: either it sucks and we don’t need more fast food places OR it’s awesome because they love Burger King and it provides jobs. You will NEVER get a consensus asking a thousand dummies what is “best” for the future of Lampasas, so why are you wasting $120,000 trying to do so?

I don’t care what Mike Irvin (the developer) does. Frankly, I don’t think another 10,000 square feet of retail is needed in this town, but it’s his nickel and not mine. Maybe he’s right. However, I WILL have a BIG problem if he goes hat-in-hand to City council begging for money like the last several developers have (successfully) done.

The Halff Associates survey and consulting is also a waste of time for another reason: the Seven Goldfish have ALREADY decided which way we will be going in the future and that is obviously growth at any cost. This is evident by the hundreds of thousands of dollars they give away to developers and waste on dumb shit like a ‘business park’.

The smart thing to do is stop trying to steer the local economy like some third-world communist politburo. The free market works just fine. Disband the idiotic LEDC and stop wasting money on this crap. Either way, soon enough you will have a wave of liberal asswipes moving here from Austin and Georgetown and Liberty Hill and it will have NOTHING to do with the work of Mandy Walsh and the LEDC or the wisdom of The Seven Goldfish. It’s going to happen naturally as people try to escape the traffic and regulations of the “big city” for greener pastures.

Of course, none of this logic and truth will stop The Seven Goldfish from throwing money at idiotic ‘planning’ efforts. Halff will walk off into the sunset $120,000 richer while the LEDC chases their tail for another year.

Looks Like The Word Is Out That City Council Is An Easy Mark – Free Cash For ALL!!

Apologies for the long hiatus (look it up, Monica) but even constantly-ranting Lampasshole like me needs a vacation every now and then.

My suitcase was barely unpacked when I jumped on-line to see what our brilliant City Council members have been up to lately…and I was not disappointed.

Looking through the freshly-posted minutes from Oct 14th, I found a beautiful nugget. One that suggests the WORD IS OUT to smart, rich developers that the dummies in Lampasas government are so desperate for “growth” that they will literally hand out six-figure cash awards to EVERYONE. To wit [page 5]:

“Several meetings ago, Council was briefed regarding the redevelopment of the Santa Fe Depot to a restaurant and possible brewery. Although the tenants have not been identified by the developer [shocker…I doubt there are any yet], he has proceeded with construction plans, specification and bidding. Mister Hardin has also discussed the possible partnership with the City to fund a portion [is that like ‘cost sharing’??] of the right-of-way improvements including sidewalks and flatwork – which may be between $80,000 and $100,000.

Seems like $100,000 is the magic number to go begging to the City of Lampasas for. It is a huge chunk of money for most people, but also an amount The Seven Goldfish have proven repeatedly to hand out like Halloween candy to any schmuck who asks. Pope Eckermann is getting his for ‘business park development’….Deorald Finney is getting his in ‘free’ electrical hookups….S2M2 is getting theirs for a detention pond AND ‘free’ electrical hookups…Halff Associates is getting THEIR $120,000 for putting -up a survey on SurveyMonkey….the list goes on and on.

This Hardin guy must read the papers and figure “screw it – I’ll ask for free stuff too. This town is run by a drunken sailor and six goldfish”. Talk about shooting fish in a barrel, if you’ll pardon the pun.

So now the City is considering “partnerships” with restaurants and breweries? I must have missed that in our City Charter.

I had heard this moronic “craft brewery” rumor around town before – and I laughed my ass off. Anyone who thinks a “craft brewery” will fly in this town is clearly from another planet. This town is full of people who are constantly asking when the new Burger King will open or bleating loudly that we need a Long John Silvers, because that is the pinnacle of great seafood. These are the same people who will run across town mid-meal from Toupsie’s to Putters to save a nickel on a pound of crawfish.
The kind of people who tip $2 on a $35 dollar tab and then steal the salt shaker.

In short, it is a town filled with Lampassholes.

Good luck selling your fancy $8 craft beer. Lampassholes and craft beer go together like oil and water. There is no way in hell a sane businessman will recoup his massive capital investment in a brewery in Lampasas. It just won’t happen.

But get the dummies in the City government to start handing out $100,000 checks? Well, that certainly helps out the old business model, doesn’t it? I wonder how the owners of Schlotsky’s or Mojo Coffee feel about the City handing out massive checks to new businesses while they missed the gravy train themselves. Probably kicking themselves in the butt.

Just a tip for this Mr. Hardin developer guy: in order to ensure you get your free shit, make sure you hire FORMER CITY COUNCIL MEMBER “Greasy” Chris Harrison to go in there and beg to Misti. Then you are a shoo-in for the cash. Scumbag politicians are always for sale cheap and offer an outstanding ROI.

Texas Municipal League Uses YOUR Own Tax Dollars To Screw You

The Texas Municipal League is a government sector lobbying association in Texas. It was founded in 1913 and its mission is “to serve the needs and advocate the interests of its members.” It is a 501(c)(4) organization.

In other words, the City of Lampasas uses YOUR tax dollars to help fund the Texas Municipal League – which in turn lobbies the State government. Since the TML serves the “interests of its members”, they are on the side of BIGGER government and higher taxes.

Thomas Jefferson said, “To compel a man to furnish funds for the propagation of ideas he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.” This line is often quoted to express the most common objection to the practice of taxpayer-funded lobbying.

A secondary objection is that most taxpayers are unaware that their tax money, through dues, is used to fund lobbying advocacy programs with which they may disagree.

There are many examples of the TML trying to screw the taxpayer, as they are generally opposed to ANYTHING that “cuts into City revenue” (i.e. lower taxers) or increases transparency in government. But the most egregious is their vehement opposition to the recently passed S.B. 2…..which I have discussed previously.

The bill, which aims to slow the growth of rising property tax bills, makes a host of changes designed to make the tax system more transparent and accessible. But it includes one provision — widely disliked by city and county officials AND the TML — that requires local governments to hold an election before raising 3.5% more property tax revenue than the previous year. Currently, residents must petition for an election if the property tax levy surpasses 8%, a rate set during a period of high inflation in the 1980s.

The TML opposes any legislative effort to give voters the right to reject property tax increases that exceed the rate of inflation and population growth.

So why does Lampasas, ostensibly (look it up, Monica) a fiscally conservative, GOP kinda town, belong to such a left-wing, big-government lobbying group that is opposed to reigning in out-of-control government spending? Great question. I’m guessing The Seven Goldfish don’t have the first clue. Here is your excuse to look into it.

Monica Requested $6,216 To Replace Computer Equipment Ruined in Ransomware Attack…Ends Up Spending $9,539

In typical wasteful government fashion, the $6,216 IT Director Monica Can’t-Wright requested last month in emergency expenditures to replace equipment ruined in the Aug 16th ransomware attack has mysteriously morphed into $9,539 instead. A hefty 53% jump [page 39 – check #153230]

I suspect since this all happened right at the end of the fiscal year, she just did what all department heads do in government: use it or lose it. She pulled a similar stunt previously to “use up” funds at the end of the year buying furniture for a council chambers that was still three years from being completed.

The most sickening part is a large portion of that $9,500 is for ‘replacement monitors’. I’m sorry, but computer viruses don’t ruin monitors. So it is likely everyone just wanted fancy new monitors and decided to spend ‘leftover’ budget money on them.

I see VERY nice 27” monitors on Amazon for a measly $150. That’s a hell of a lot of monitors you can buy for $5,000 or whatever portion of $9,500 you spent on monitors. Taxpaying saps like me are sitting here typing away on a lowly 21” monitor I have had for over 10 years while these clowns blow thousands on fancy new screens to replace ‘old’ ones that are perfectly good.

The wastefulness in the IT Department is truly nauseating. But I expect nothing less from a person who has never worked a day in the private sector and who would be bagging groceries if she hadn’t fallen ass-backwards into a cushy government job in a small town. A job for which she is clearly not qualified.

Of course, this new $9,500 number pushes up my grand total for the ransomware attack damage to just a hair under $40,000. I can’t wait for the November numbers so I can see how much money we had to pay Tyler Technologies to fix the ransomware attack for Monica. Should be epic.

City Employee Benefits AGAIN Top $250,000 Per Month – A 75% Increase In Five Years

It happened back in May of this year and it just happened again in September: City employee benefit costs exceeded a quarter of a million dollars in a single month. I expect to see this occur regularly as the new fiscal year starts:

Scott and White Health Plan: $118,776.92 [check #152959]

Texas Municipal Retirement System: $138,419.15 [check #152962]

Colonial Life and Accident: $4,311.71 [check #152926]

A grand total for the MONTH of $261,507.78. That is an annual run-rate of $3,138,093.36

Yes – that’s $3.14 million dollars per year in City employee benefits. This also doesn’t count the other many little benefits the top bananas get like a cell phone stipend and a car allowance. Ain’t government work grand??

Back in October of 2014 – a mere five years ago – this same number was $149,890. It has BALLOONED by over $111,000.00 PER MONTH. That is a nearly SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT INCREASE in 5 years….or almost 15% per year.

I’ll repeat that – City employee benefits (retirement and healthcare only) have exploded almost 15% PER YEAR for the last 5 years. And Spinley deGraffenried has the balls to complain about salaries not being high enough!

Remember this number when Spinley yammers about his nonsensical “salary studies” and how our City workers just aren’t paid enough! He says they might run off to greener pastures if they don’t get a 3% raise every single year! Of course, Spinley never does a BENEFITS study. Because THAT is where the gravy is. He ignores those numbers as if they don’t exist.

The fact is, Lampasas benefits are FAR higher than those of similar cities….a fact I have unequivocally [look it up, Monica] proved over and over again. For example, our IT Department employee insurance cost is TWENTY PERCENT HIGHER than the IT Department employee cost in Burnet County….and our retirement contribution is FIFTY-FOUR PERCENT HIGHER!!

(Pretty sure Burnet County computer network didn’t get hacked into back in August, either. Just sayin’)

Texas Municipal League – A Gigantic Waste of Time and Money

It’s getting cold and feels like fall. You know what that means! Time for the Texas Municipal League Annual Conference! This is an annual circle-jerk of nonsense and bureaucratic babble, brought to you by a group that is unabashedly pro Big Government and whose number-one priority is looking out for government workers – not the taxpayer. They are first and foremost an organization BY government bureaucrats FOR government bureaucrats.…taxpayers be damned.

Naturally, Lampasas taxpayers send City employees and politicians every year to listen to this nonsense and spin their wheels….at great expense to the City of Lampasas.

We will delve into how the TML actively works to screw the taxpayer (with YOUR money) in an upcoming post. But for now, just look at some of the ridiculous session descriptions for this year! I think my favorite is number two. A stereotypical pile of bureaucratic bullshit babble filled with buzzwords and circular yammering:

Village of The Hills – Stay or Play? (presented by TCMA — Texas City Management Association)

Find the courage to break with the past in order to tackle the future. Hear insights from leaders in the Village of The Hills on how to implement cultural change.
Speakers: Eric Ovlen, Mayor, Village of the Hills

Race and Equity: How Your City Can Implement Targeted Strategies to Improve Outcomes (presented by TABCCM—Texas Association of Black City Council Members)

In this session, local leaders will explore “targeted universalism,” a strategic framework that can create the transformational changes that cities need and are looking for to improve life chances and enhance and sustain equitable policies and programs while embedding racial equity throughout the city as a core lens.
Speaker: Ariel Guerrero, Co-Founder, O&G Racial Equity Collaborative

Elevating Trust in Local Government

Be empowered with the tools necessary to tap into the hearts and minds of citizens, re-engaging them in community visioning. Specifically, learn about the differences between community-based strategic planning and other plans, the anatomy of a community-based plan, and effective techniques for engaging citizens in the planning process. Attendees will learn how to take what citizens are saying and synthesize it into clear directives for the city and ensure that their plan lasts and is implemented effectively.
Speakers: Rick Davis, City Manager, City of Baytown; Nick Woolery, Innovation and Strategy Director, City of Baytown; and Dan Griffiths

ArtoberFest Draws ‘Major’ Crowd – $115 Porta-Potties Easily Handle Bathroom Needs

So I attended ArtoberFest yesterday for the first time ever. Not out of any need to paint my face or eat food truck fare…but rather to further prove my point about the colossal waste of a NO-BID $185,000 bathroom in Campbell Park.

I would peg the crowd at maybe 100 people – and I was there at 2:30 in the afternoon. I guess that would be considered ‘major’ by Lampasas standards. Maybe another 100 moved through there during the day before and after I was there. Point being, the head of the Parks Department chimed in last month that there are “four major events a year there, so we need a bathroom” or something to that effect. My argument is that a couple of Porta-Potties should handle that need just fine – especially when your “huge crowds” of 150 people only happen about 3 to 5 total days a year (or roughly 1% of the time).

The sanitation needs were met by J Bar Sanitary Restrooms – and they were SPECTACULAR! I do not work for J Bar. I have never heard of J Bar until yesterday. But their Porta-potties are the best I have ever seen. No joke. I highly recommend. They were pristine.

And guess what else?? They are cheap as dirt! You can rent one of these for an entire WEEK for $115! That is a steal. Of course, somebody overdid it with FOUR of these things when two would have sufficed yesterday, but whatever. Here is a shot of $460 dollars worth of toilets – it would take over 100 years to spend that same $185,000 on Porta-Potties, by the way:

Extra-large model on the left accommodates those users of Haywoodian proportions

The bathroom I used looked like it hadn’t been used all day – and that was 4.5 hours into the festival. So I’m pretty sure two of these would have sufficed – for a total cost of only about $250 to the city.

But let’s take it a step further! There were about 6 food trucks and 12 other vendors there – which (according to the Chamber of Commerce website) should have brought in close to $1000 in fees from those vendors. Why should the city pay anything at all? Take the $250 from your vendor revenue and voila….a zero-cost, extremely clean bathroom at every ‘major’ event. Bathrooms that are hassle-free and DON’T NEED TO BE CLEANED by the City!!

I realize that my plan outlined above makes logical, rational and economic sense. It is bulletproof and has already been proven to work….which is why Spinley and the Seven Goldfish are ignoring it and instead plowing ahead with the idiotic $185,000 no-bid bathroom [page 67]….a bathroom that will also have to be cleaned by somebody – a somebody who will be on the City payroll [page 73] and reaping tons of benefits that will likely cost the taxpayer $30 an hour.

Spinley assures us that “the Campbell park restrooms should be delivered the first or second week of December“. Of course, he didn’t specify what year the “December” would fall in. Watch for the usual cost overruns and delays in completion like we saw with the Magic Elevator at Old City Hall.

Only in Lampasas can you find dummies who want to spend $185,000 to solve a ‘problem’ that can demonstrably be solved for $0.