More Proof That The LEDC Is Wasting Their $120,000.00 On The Halff Associates Consulting Contract

As I’ve reported here before, the City is currently in the midst of wasting $120,000.00 on a ‘consulting contract’ with Halff Associates to ’empower the community’ and ‘give everyone a voice’ in the future of Lampasas.

This is a fool’s errand, as I have ALSO pointed out before….but I offer more proof here today.

A recent article in The Dispatch details the demolition of an old locker plant and ice house at 707 Pecan Street for possible retail and upscale apartment development.

The response on Facebook was swift and diverse: a bunch of people complained that a six-story building is turning us into Austin and is no good for the city. Another group thought it was a great idea because we need more housing here. Yet another group bitched that we don’t need more retail space since there are TONS of empty storefronts on Key Ave AND Town Square (good point, I might add).

In short, you can’t get 50 Lampassholes to agree on anything, let alone 6,000 of them. It would be like herding cats. Throw in the fact that probably 35% of the ‘cats’ fall into the “retarded” section of an IQ Bell curve, and you can see my point.

Already people are arguing about the upcoming Burger King: either it sucks and we don’t need more fast food places OR it’s awesome because they love Burger King and it provides jobs. You will NEVER get a consensus asking a thousand dummies what is “best” for the future of Lampasas, so why are you wasting $120,000 trying to do so?

I don’t care what Mike Irvin (the developer) does. Frankly, I don’t think another 10,000 square feet of retail is needed in this town, but it’s his nickel and not mine. Maybe he’s right. However, I WILL have a BIG problem if he goes hat-in-hand to City council begging for money like the last several developers have (successfully) done.

The Halff Associates survey and consulting is also a waste of time for another reason: the Seven Goldfish have ALREADY decided which way we will be going in the future and that is obviously growth at any cost. This is evident by the hundreds of thousands of dollars they give away to developers and waste on dumb shit like a ‘business park’.

The smart thing to do is stop trying to steer the local economy like some third-world communist politburo. The free market works just fine. Disband the idiotic LEDC and stop wasting money on this crap. Either way, soon enough you will have a wave of liberal asswipes moving here from Austin and Georgetown and Liberty Hill and it will have NOTHING to do with the work of Mandy Walsh and the LEDC or the wisdom of The Seven Goldfish. It’s going to happen naturally as people try to escape the traffic and regulations of the “big city” for greener pastures.

Of course, none of this logic and truth will stop The Seven Goldfish from throwing money at idiotic ‘planning’ efforts. Halff will walk off into the sunset $120,000 richer while the LEDC chases their tail for another year.

Looks Like The Word Is Out That City Council Is An Easy Mark – Free Cash For ALL!!

Apologies for the long hiatus (look it up, Monica) but even constantly-ranting Lampasshole like me needs a vacation every now and then.

My suitcase was barely unpacked when I jumped on-line to see what our brilliant City Council members have been up to lately…and I was not disappointed.

Looking through the freshly-posted minutes from Oct 14th, I found a beautiful nugget. One that suggests the WORD IS OUT to smart, rich developers that the dummies in Lampasas government are so desperate for “growth” that they will literally hand out six-figure cash awards to EVERYONE. To wit [page 5]:

“Several meetings ago, Council was briefed regarding the redevelopment of the Santa Fe Depot to a restaurant and possible brewery. Although the tenants have not been identified by the developer [shocker…I doubt there are any yet], he has proceeded with construction plans, specification and bidding. Mister Hardin has also discussed the possible partnership with the City to fund a portion [is that like ‘cost sharing’??] of the right-of-way improvements including sidewalks and flatwork – which may be between $80,000 and $100,000.

Seems like $100,000 is the magic number to go begging to the City of Lampasas for. It is a huge chunk of money for most people, but also an amount The Seven Goldfish have proven repeatedly to hand out like Halloween candy to any schmuck who asks. Pope Eckermann is getting his for ‘business park development’….Deorald Finney is getting his in ‘free’ electrical hookups….S2M2 is getting theirs for a detention pond AND ‘free’ electrical hookups…Halff Associates is getting THEIR $120,000 for putting -up a survey on SurveyMonkey….the list goes on and on.

This Hardin guy must read the papers and figure “screw it – I’ll ask for free stuff too. This town is run by a drunken sailor and six goldfish”. Talk about shooting fish in a barrel, if you’ll pardon the pun.

So now the City is considering “partnerships” with restaurants and breweries? I must have missed that in our City Charter.

I had heard this moronic “craft brewery” rumor around town before – and I laughed my ass off. Anyone who thinks a “craft brewery” will fly in this town is clearly from another planet. This town is full of people who are constantly asking when the new Burger King will open or bleating loudly that we need a Long John Silvers, because that is the pinnacle of great seafood. These are the same people who will run across town mid-meal from Toupsie’s to Putters to save a nickel on a pound of crawfish.
The kind of people who tip $2 on a $35 dollar tab and then steal the salt shaker.

In short, it is a town filled with Lampassholes.

Good luck selling your fancy $8 craft beer. Lampassholes and craft beer go together like oil and water. There is no way in hell a sane businessman will recoup his massive capital investment in a brewery in Lampasas. It just won’t happen.

But get the dummies in the City government to start handing out $100,000 checks? Well, that certainly helps out the old business model, doesn’t it? I wonder how the owners of Schlotsky’s or Mojo Coffee feel about the City handing out massive checks to new businesses while they missed the gravy train themselves. Probably kicking themselves in the butt.

Just a tip for this Mr. Hardin developer guy: in order to ensure you get your free shit, make sure you hire FORMER CITY COUNCIL MEMBER “Greasy” Chris Harrison to go in there and beg to Misti. Then you are a shoo-in for the cash. Scumbag politicians are always for sale cheap and offer an outstanding ROI.

Texas Municipal League Uses YOUR Own Tax Dollars To Screw You

The Texas Municipal League is a government sector lobbying association in Texas. It was founded in 1913 and its mission is “to serve the needs and advocate the interests of its members.” It is a 501(c)(4) organization.

In other words, the City of Lampasas uses YOUR tax dollars to help fund the Texas Municipal League – which in turn lobbies the State government. Since the TML serves the “interests of its members”, they are on the side of BIGGER government and higher taxes.

Thomas Jefferson said, “To compel a man to furnish funds for the propagation of ideas he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.” This line is often quoted to express the most common objection to the practice of taxpayer-funded lobbying.

A secondary objection is that most taxpayers are unaware that their tax money, through dues, is used to fund lobbying advocacy programs with which they may disagree.

There are many examples of the TML trying to screw the taxpayer, as they are generally opposed to ANYTHING that “cuts into City revenue” (i.e. lower taxers) or increases transparency in government. But the most egregious is their vehement opposition to the recently passed S.B. 2…..which I have discussed previously.

The bill, which aims to slow the growth of rising property tax bills, makes a host of changes designed to make the tax system more transparent and accessible. But it includes one provision — widely disliked by city and county officials AND the TML — that requires local governments to hold an election before raising 3.5% more property tax revenue than the previous year. Currently, residents must petition for an election if the property tax levy surpasses 8%, a rate set during a period of high inflation in the 1980s.

The TML opposes any legislative effort to give voters the right to reject property tax increases that exceed the rate of inflation and population growth.

So why does Lampasas, ostensibly (look it up, Monica) a fiscally conservative, GOP kinda town, belong to such a left-wing, big-government lobbying group that is opposed to reigning in out-of-control government spending? Great question. I’m guessing The Seven Goldfish don’t have the first clue. Here is your excuse to look into it.

Monica Requested $6,216 To Replace Computer Equipment Ruined in Ransomware Attack…Ends Up Spending $9,539

In typical wasteful government fashion, the $6,216 IT Director Monica Can’t-Wright requested last month in emergency expenditures to replace equipment ruined in the Aug 16th ransomware attack has mysteriously morphed into $9,539 instead. A hefty 53% jump [page 39 – check #153230]

I suspect since this all happened right at the end of the fiscal year, she just did what all department heads do in government: use it or lose it. She pulled a similar stunt previously to “use up” funds at the end of the year buying furniture for a council chambers that was still three years from being completed.

The most sickening part is a large portion of that $9,500 is for ‘replacement monitors’. I’m sorry, but computer viruses don’t ruin monitors. So it is likely everyone just wanted fancy new monitors and decided to spend ‘leftover’ budget money on them.

I see VERY nice 27” monitors on Amazon for a measly $150. That’s a hell of a lot of monitors you can buy for $5,000 or whatever portion of $9,500 you spent on monitors. Taxpaying saps like me are sitting here typing away on a lowly 21” monitor I have had for over 10 years while these clowns blow thousands on fancy new screens to replace ‘old’ ones that are perfectly good.

The wastefulness in the IT Department is truly nauseating. But I expect nothing less from a person who has never worked a day in the private sector and who would be bagging groceries if she hadn’t fallen ass-backwards into a cushy government job in a small town. A job for which she is clearly not qualified.

Of course, this new $9,500 number pushes up my grand total for the ransomware attack damage to just a hair under $40,000. I can’t wait for the November numbers so I can see how much money we had to pay Tyler Technologies to fix the ransomware attack for Monica. Should be epic.

City Employee Benefits AGAIN Top $250,000 Per Month – A 75% Increase In Five Years

It happened back in May of this year and it just happened again in September: City employee benefit costs exceeded a quarter of a million dollars in a single month. I expect to see this occur regularly as the new fiscal year starts:

Scott and White Health Plan: $118,776.92 [check #152959]

Texas Municipal Retirement System: $138,419.15 [check #152962]

Colonial Life and Accident: $4,311.71 [check #152926]

A grand total for the MONTH of $261,507.78. That is an annual run-rate of $3,138,093.36

Yes – that’s $3.14 million dollars per year in City employee benefits. This also doesn’t count the other many little benefits the top bananas get like a cell phone stipend and a car allowance. Ain’t government work grand??

Back in October of 2014 – a mere five years ago – this same number was $149,890. It has BALLOONED by over $111,000.00 PER MONTH. That is a nearly SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT INCREASE in 5 years….or almost 15% per year.

I’ll repeat that – City employee benefits (retirement and healthcare only) have exploded almost 15% PER YEAR for the last 5 years. And Spinley deGraffenried has the balls to complain about salaries not being high enough!

Remember this number when Spinley yammers about his nonsensical “salary studies” and how our City workers just aren’t paid enough! He says they might run off to greener pastures if they don’t get a 3% raise every single year! Of course, Spinley never does a BENEFITS study. Because THAT is where the gravy is. He ignores those numbers as if they don’t exist.

The fact is, Lampasas benefits are FAR higher than those of similar cities….a fact I have unequivocally [look it up, Monica] proved over and over again. For example, our IT Department employee insurance cost is TWENTY PERCENT HIGHER than the IT Department employee cost in Burnet County….and our retirement contribution is FIFTY-FOUR PERCENT HIGHER!!

(Pretty sure Burnet County computer network didn’t get hacked into back in August, either. Just sayin’)

Texas Municipal League – A Gigantic Waste of Time and Money

It’s getting cold and feels like fall. You know what that means! Time for the Texas Municipal League Annual Conference! This is an annual circle-jerk of nonsense and bureaucratic babble, brought to you by a group that is unabashedly pro Big Government and whose number-one priority is looking out for government workers – not the taxpayer. They are first and foremost an organization BY government bureaucrats FOR government bureaucrats.…taxpayers be damned.

Naturally, Lampasas taxpayers send City employees and politicians every year to listen to this nonsense and spin their wheels….at great expense to the City of Lampasas.

We will delve into how the TML actively works to screw the taxpayer (with YOUR money) in an upcoming post. But for now, just look at some of the ridiculous session descriptions for this year! I think my favorite is number two. A stereotypical pile of bureaucratic bullshit babble filled with buzzwords and circular yammering:

Village of The Hills – Stay or Play? (presented by TCMA — Texas City Management Association)

Find the courage to break with the past in order to tackle the future. Hear insights from leaders in the Village of The Hills on how to implement cultural change.
Speakers: Eric Ovlen, Mayor, Village of the Hills

Race and Equity: How Your City Can Implement Targeted Strategies to Improve Outcomes (presented by TABCCM—Texas Association of Black City Council Members)

In this session, local leaders will explore “targeted universalism,” a strategic framework that can create the transformational changes that cities need and are looking for to improve life chances and enhance and sustain equitable policies and programs while embedding racial equity throughout the city as a core lens.
Speaker: Ariel Guerrero, Co-Founder, O&G Racial Equity Collaborative

Elevating Trust in Local Government

Be empowered with the tools necessary to tap into the hearts and minds of citizens, re-engaging them in community visioning. Specifically, learn about the differences between community-based strategic planning and other plans, the anatomy of a community-based plan, and effective techniques for engaging citizens in the planning process. Attendees will learn how to take what citizens are saying and synthesize it into clear directives for the city and ensure that their plan lasts and is implemented effectively.
Speakers: Rick Davis, City Manager, City of Baytown; Nick Woolery, Innovation and Strategy Director, City of Baytown; and Dan Griffiths

ArtoberFest Draws ‘Major’ Crowd – $115 Porta-Potties Easily Handle Bathroom Needs

So I attended ArtoberFest yesterday for the first time ever. Not out of any need to paint my face or eat food truck fare…but rather to further prove my point about the colossal waste of a NO-BID $185,000 bathroom in Campbell Park.

I would peg the crowd at maybe 100 people – and I was there at 2:30 in the afternoon. I guess that would be considered ‘major’ by Lampasas standards. Maybe another 100 moved through there during the day before and after I was there. Point being, the head of the Parks Department chimed in last month that there are “four major events a year there, so we need a bathroom” or something to that effect. My argument is that a couple of Porta-Potties should handle that need just fine – especially when your “huge crowds” of 150 people only happen about 3 to 5 total days a year (or roughly 1% of the time).

The sanitation needs were met by J Bar Sanitary Restrooms – and they were SPECTACULAR! I do not work for J Bar. I have never heard of J Bar until yesterday. But their Porta-potties are the best I have ever seen. No joke. I highly recommend. They were pristine.

And guess what else?? They are cheap as dirt! You can rent one of these for an entire WEEK for $115! That is a steal. Of course, somebody overdid it with FOUR of these things when two would have sufficed yesterday, but whatever. Here is a shot of $460 dollars worth of toilets – it would take over 100 years to spend that same $185,000 on Porta-Potties, by the way:

Extra-large model on the left accommodates those users of Haywoodian proportions

The bathroom I used looked like it hadn’t been used all day – and that was 4.5 hours into the festival. So I’m pretty sure two of these would have sufficed – for a total cost of only about $250 to the city.

But let’s take it a step further! There were about 6 food trucks and 12 other vendors there – which (according to the Chamber of Commerce website) should have brought in close to $1000 in fees from those vendors. Why should the city pay anything at all? Take the $250 from your vendor revenue and voila….a zero-cost, extremely clean bathroom at every ‘major’ event. Bathrooms that are hassle-free and DON’T NEED TO BE CLEANED by the City!!

I realize that my plan outlined above makes logical, rational and economic sense. It is bulletproof and has already been proven to work….which is why Spinley and the Seven Goldfish are ignoring it and instead plowing ahead with the idiotic $185,000 no-bid bathroom [page 67]….a bathroom that will also have to be cleaned by somebody – a somebody who will be on the City payroll [page 73] and reaping tons of benefits that will likely cost the taxpayer $30 an hour.

Spinley assures us that “the Campbell park restrooms should be delivered the first or second week of December“. Of course, he didn’t specify what year the “December” would fall in. Watch for the usual cost overruns and delays in completion like we saw with the Magic Elevator at Old City Hall.

Only in Lampasas can you find dummies who want to spend $185,000 to solve a ‘problem’ that can demonstrably be solved for $0.

How Will Spinley Spin A Rumored City Hall Departure?

Rumors have been swirling that a Big Wig in City government may have been shown the door….or resigned. This rumor was been around a while now, so I am surprised the news hasn’t broken yet. Finley must need to muster all his skills to spin this, since he’s taking forever to release it to the public (assuming this rumor is correct). I guess we’ll know soon!

Coming soon: a behind-the-scenes look at the mayhem during the Aug 16th ransomware attack. Internal emails show what REALLY went down. Only The Original Lampasshole gives you the TRUE story.

Campbell Park Usage Stats

Since the City recently declared we need a no-bid $185,000 bathroom in Campbell Park to handle the hordes of people, I decided to do an informal survey of park usage over the last month. I drive by that area quite a bit and made it a point to pull over and count the people in the park.

Cooper Springs is right across the street, so I looked at that too. Quite frankly, calling Cooper Springs a ‘park’ is a bit of a stretch. It is a big weed patch that the City mows a trail into…and it resembles just about everyone’s backyard if they let it go for a few months. But whatever….there was ONE car at Cooper Springs on the 17th. That was it.

The following shows which day of September and the time I made the observation….and then number is how many people I saw there:

  • 06 3:30pm 2 (teens)
  • 07 2:20pm 0
  • 09 1:15pm 0
  • 12 4:00pm 0
  • 14 7:30pm 0
  • 15 9:30am 0
  • 16 3:15pm 1
  • 17 9:00am 0
  • 19 10:30am 0
  • 26 9:15am 0
  • 26 3:00pm 0
  • 27 7:00pm 5 (2 were kids)
  • 28 2:00pm 0
  • 29 9:00am 0
  • 30 2:00pm 1

Admittedly, this is a small sample size, but it sure doesn’t look good for the ridiculous argument that there are throngs of people using this park and a $185,000 bathroom is a pressing need. A grand total of 9 people.

I counted one person on Sept 16th at Campbell Park – she was just walking down the sidewalk on Hackberry and not actually in the park…but I counted her anyways, since the above table is so pathetic. The guy on the 30th was painting lines on the basketball court, but I’ll count him too, I guess.

The two teens on Sept 6th appeared to be huffing glue from a paper bag but it’s hard to say for sure from a distance.