Thank God I stumbled onto this thing last night.
There was a FEDD Zoom event tonight that I accidently found out about last second. On the events list was “Clayton Tucker” from 7:42 to 7:46pm. It was a hilarious and outrageous performance by Lampasas’s biggest lying sack of shit and commie dirtbag.
Naturally, he first complained about the price of food, then blamed monopolies (“they are literally everywhere!”) and then vowed to “break them up!” – no word on how he would do this.
Wow. Tough talk. Very compelling.
Then the chick in charge of this virtual convention of Zoom dorks asked “what inspired you to run?”
Clayton seemed stunned by this question and sat like a deer in the headlights. It took him about 5 seconds to come up with a lie. Naturally he couldn’t say “I need to look busy because I have no job and live with my mom at age 35” so he had to come up with a lie QUICKLY and right on the spot.
He did not disappoint.
He took the opportunity to HUGELY expand his brand new “ultra-processed food allergy” lie…and boy, did he lay it on thick. But (as usual) his whopper of a lie had more holes in it than Swiss cheese. That is because Clayton Tucker is a very stupid person.
His reason for running for Ag Commissioner? You know what inspired him? I am paraphrasing below since I didn’t record it:
“Well, I moved overseas for a few years and I immediately went into a kind of detox – just cold sweats and shakes and so forth. It was the ultra-processed food toxins leaving my body. Then when I came back in a few years, I now have a very bad allergy to processed foods. If I eat processed foods, it’s like a 50/50 chance that it doesn’t end well for me.”
He DEFINITELY said that “50/50 chance it doesn’t end well for me” and tried to make it sound like a serious condition.
So HALF the time you get majorly wrecked by ultra-processed foods? Ultra-processed foods is the exact same shit you have been eating non-stop while driving over 35,000 miles all over Texas for your “campaign”! It is the crap from gas stations and fast food joints. I KNOW Baby Beluga is gorging on that garbage during your travels, so don’t tell me you aren’t.
So, to recap all the holes in this new lie:
The other day when he invented the lie, it was “a slight food allergy” upon returning. Now it’s a 50% chance it “doesn’t end well for him” as he intimated he would be in the hospital or something. Absolute and total fabrication.
So that bag of Fritos, hot dog, cookie, ice cream, Froot Loops, frozen pizza, frozen waffle, Big Mac, etc, etc has a FIFTY PERCENT chance of fucking you up? Basically every single food you KNOW Clayton shoves into his fat mouth all the time without a care will destroy him 50% of the time?
Yeah, ok buddy.
Does he remember he was shoving hot dogs in his face at a staged photo op a few months ago??
Also (and this is the biggest question): you came back from China TEN YEARS ago, buddy. It was 2016. So you waited TEN YEARS silently with your burning desire to rid the world of ultra-processed foods before you decided to say a single word about it and then run for Ag Commissioner? You ran for office two other times and NEVER MENTIONED this huge important issue to you! In fact, your top THREE issues for those TEN YEARS did not include a peep over “ultra-processed foods” and your terrible 50/50 affliction!
Whoops, Comrade. Big whoops. That’s what happens when you aren’t prepared for obvious questions and have to make up a lie on the spot. Sad.
He finished his 100 seconds of fame with a good joke. The chick running the Zoom dorkfest asked him “do you have any new year resolutions?”
He first babbled something about his personal life (HAHAHAHA) and “other stuff” being put on hold until November. Like running this campaign is a 24/7 job and he is making massive sacrifices for it.
Then he said it:
“I guess my new year resolution is just to kick ass!”
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Awesome. The socialist marshmallow who lives with mom at 35 and has “put his personal life on hold” to drive around the state in circles is going to KICK ASS!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA! I can’t wait til this comes out on YouTube. I’ll post it when I find it.
Speaking of his personal life…..