Just when I start thinking Comrade Clayton Tucker’s Fake Rancher Persona is NOT an elaborate piece of performance art perpetuated by a secret genius, he goes and posts some shit like this….
No big deal! Mommy and Daddy just got me between $15,000 and $20,000 worth of cows on a whim. What whim, you ask? The global warming whim, of course!!
[I can almost hear this sung in a Donald Trump music meme: They’re shrinking the cows and shrinking the pigs! Shrinking the goats and shrinking the cows!]
So the kid who has (1) no girlfriend or wife (2) no prospects of a girlfriend or wife and therefore (3) will have no children and nobody to leave grandpa’s fake ranch to when he’s dead in about 39 years (probably earlier due to fake vaccine consumption) is worried that the earth MIGHT BE (but probably won’t be) 2 degrees warmer in 100 years. LOL. Yeah, better buy those mini cows NOW. The cows that have a lifespan of 15 years, or so. Smart thinking!!
Hey dummy: Obama and the other rich shitlibs ALL have $15 million dollar estates right on the water. Do THEY seem worried about global warming and rising sea levels to you? LOL. What a chump and a useful idiot.
Wait a second! I thought you ALREADY “diversified into goats” because of global warming! Or was it because “the family ranch can’t make it due to Big Ag”? I forget…the story keeps changing.
That genius move into Global Warming Goats was made this past spring – right before we got dumped on with about 18 inches of rain. So much rain, in fact, that all of Comrade Clayton’s Global Warming Drought goats got sick and died from the parasites brought on by the heavy rains! Yes, it’s true:
Parasitic Socialist Clayton Tucker Has His Goat Herd Decimated By Parasites.
Then mommy and daddy bought him a bunch of Savannah goats that are supposedly parasite resistant, hoping that he might not fuck THOSE goats up and maybe, finally actually SELL a couple goats to stanch the financial bleeding…
Then mommy and daddy bought him some cute little dwarf goats – likely because they are easier for him to have intercourse with. Unfortunately, in yet another master stroke, he bought two males so he is unable to breed them and thus sell the offspring for profit. He also lost them almost immediately and then blamed thieves for his irresponsibility.
Turns out nobody stole them – he had just lost them like a retard. Our intrepid IT Network Admin Kristy Acevedo found them wandering around bleating and malnourished and apparently trying to get hit by a car…
[I have to interject an editorial comment here. Just go back and read what I already wrote. This ridiculous series of events is all FOR REAL. I couldn’t make up ridiculous shit like this if I tried. I just start laughing every time I re-read it for typos before I post it. I’m in stitches over here. Absolute RETARD!!]
He’s probably STILL trying to breed those two males because he is a woke shitlib who thinks males can get pregnant. God knows Comrade Clayton and his man-crush Robert O’Rourke have been trying frantically to breed each other for years now….to no avail.
But those new Savannah goats must not be working out very well, so now he told mom to buy him $20k worth of mini cows. Must be nice! But it’s NOT just all the global warming that necessitates this. He now claims he needs the mini cows because BIG AG has it in for the little guy like him. The family ranch just can’t survive!
[Wait til he realizes that the same “Big Ag monopolies” that supposedly control the normal sized cows ALSO control the mini cows. LOL. Moron.]
Sounds awful! It’s almost IMPOSIBLE to survive raising standard cows! OH MY GOD!!
Luckily, every single thing Comrade Clayton said is 100% incorrect:
So if you ignore for a moment the 250,000 family ranches and the 12.5 million head of cattle that somehow have appeared and thrived in Texas, then it is SUPER HARD for anyone to make a buck raising cattle, clearly.
What he REALLY means to say is that “the family ranchrun by a lazy, incompetent retardscan’t survive.“
Hilarious.
Netflix should make a show out of this moron. Like that Paris Hilton farm show that was on years ago and highlighted two low-IQ clowns trying to make it on a farm while flailing around for our amusement. This would be WAY better.