Haughty, Humorless Hippo Hurt Horrifically During Hannah Hijinx

A tragic and deadly accident NEARLY took place today at Hanna Springs pool. A large, semiaquatic mammal was ALMOST very nearly SERIOUSLY injured when a dangerous projectile hurled at high speeds by a 6-year-old splashed down near her – knocking MULTIPLE droplets of water into her hair and possibly grazing her knee!!!

Might I suggest wallowing in a mud pit, madame? Far away from the children having fun in the pool?

Obviously, she immediately went over to the pool manager to loudly report and complain about the fun, laughter and general tomfoolery these young children (ages 6, 9 and unknown) were engaged in at the City pool during their summer break.

I was able to get my hands on the deadly projectile being used in the pool. As you can see, this horrendous weapon of war has NO PLACE in the City pool!!

This could obviously do MAJOR damage if launched at a human body at 900 mph.

As you can see, the SUPER SMART and RATIONAL pool manager (who was totally NOT on a power trip) was COMPLETELY within her rights to ban this dangerous toy immediately at the urgings of the hippo since it clearly violated the posted rules of the pool:

I’ll give you some “hard balls” you moron.

I also later accosted the severely injured woman (to apologize for a 6-year-old almost killing her with a 3 ounce squishy ball) and asked her to show me where the broken bones, contusions and lacerations could be found on her generously-proportioned carcass.

She looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. Then waddled out to her car.

Thankfully, any SERIOUS injury was avoided and all fun was ceased IMMEDIATELY at the pool. Great job by all involved at stopping what COULD have been a deadly incident!