If you have been reading here for the last 4.5 years (wow!), you know I like to send presents to all my favorite shitbirds every Christmas.
In 2019, I sent City council seven lovely goldfish ornaments – representing the seven goldfish who sit on council. I even showed up at the City Hall Dedication Ceremony and placed them on the tree myself:
In 2020, I sent a full-face Narwal mask to Covid Cult loon Julie Landrum – owner of Wool & Vine Cry & Whine:
These are now a collector’s item…since MOST of the country eventually came to their senses and realized Wuhan Flu was a giant scam. Narwall quickly went out of business, so this mask is probably worth thousands of dollars now. People will look back and say “holy shit, people lost their minds like it was the Salem Witch Trials”. This is a relic from that era.
Last year, everyone got ornaments:
Unfortunately, Potato Head Stephanie Fitzharris was a total ingrate and decided to report me to the police! Can you believe it? Miss “Defund the Police” herself wasting the cops’ time because I was nice enough to send her a Christmas ornament?
Don’t worry, Potato Head…I got you something REALLY nice this year. Hint: it will be coming in the mail and will COST you a bunch of money! And you will NOT like it.
So this year I decided to get something for local socialist bum Clayton Tucker…
Human-sized and man-shaped teddy bears are now a thing, which have been designed for lonely women. Known as Loving Bear Puffy, the $135 giant teddy replicates the male body, with the head of an adorable half-asleep bear.
Miss Tucker will LOVE it! Yeah, it costs a bit of money, but it is totally worth it. I may sew a picture of Robert Francis O’Rourke’s face on it before I mail it out.
Enjoy!