I am facing a terrible conundrum. I can’t decide who to listen to about the economy. One side says it’s the best economy EVER! Another side says it’s dogshit and we’re about to go down the toilet into a worldwide recession.
THE EXPERTS:
On one side, we have the CEO of FedEx.
FedEx is a $53 billion company. Well, it was until this morning, anyway. They have 547,000 employees, have been around for 50 years, and are basically the lifeblood of the United States. They have 18,000 locations all over the planet. They have about 700 transport jets and 80,000 vehicles in their fleet.
On the other side we have this:
A 370-pound human skin tag named Bruce Haywood. Haywood has never run a business in his life, has zero employees, doesn’t work at the ripe old age of 58, is a parasite who lives on government checks and who stays up til 1am posting anti-American screeds on Facebook and then sleeping until noon. He exists thanks to the generosity of the taxpayer and his only contact with the “real” economy are the cashiers at Whataburger and Krab Kingz.
HE says the economy is kicking ass!
Hmmmmm. Very tough call. I think I’m gonna have to go with the guy who is NOT a retarded parade float.