Fresh off of approving the absolute maximum tax rate they could get away with (by .0001) without letting the voters vote on it, Councilwoman Cathy “Porkchop” Kuehne turned her sights to squeezing even more pennies out of the local taxpayers…
As usual, she sees a big problem where there is none. Then again, she’s not the brightest bulb. She fell for the masking and social distancing thing hook, line and sinker…
…and told us all repeatedly how she “puts herself at risk every DAY” just by being a teacher and risking catching that awful plague known as Covid. The same one she caught previously but didn’t even know she had…
Anyways, the current “big problem” is that there may be people renting out rooms on AirBnB here in town and NOT PAYING THE CITY ANY TAXES! The horror! God forbid you rent your home out for a little extra pocket change without paying your tithes to the City and their HOT (Hotel Occupancy Tax) fund.
For one thing, the HOT fund is so stuffed to the gills with money ALREADY, that morons like Kuehne are using it to fund ridiculous projects like the $1.4 MILLION Hostess House “facelift”. They also throw money at local gardening idiot Janet “Crazier” Crozier out of this fund and are currently debating giving her ANOTHER $12,000 or so, so she can buy rain catch tanks for a garden that is already hooked up to City water and provided nearly free ($35 per year).
When you waste piles of money like that, you are not hurting for dough. If Kuehne got her way, she’d have the Rental Police at your door demanding her cut so she can piss it away on more stupid projects. Fuck all that.
She also brought up the 2024 Eclipse as a reason to “get in front of this”.
Lampasas (through absolute dumb celestial luck) happens to be the #4 spot in the WORLD for watching the April 8, 2024 Eclipse. The path of totality literally passes DIRECTLY over us and our weather on April 8th is historically sunny and clear. I have confirmed this myself by recording the weather here on my compound on every single April 7,8, and 9 for the last 5 years running.
I have been planning for this for over two years already. I have bought tons of eclipse glasses so when they run out on Amazon, I can price gouge morons like Kuehne for $100. I plan on advertising spots on my many acres of land for a LOT of money for any national travelers who want a great spot to watch the eclipse. I will then gouge them for beers and food and everything else they need, because I will be stocking up way ahead of time.
I will not pay taxes on any of it. Suck my balls.
I’m doing this because, unlike Porkchop Kuehne, I have actually been to three total solar eclipses in my life. They are complete and utter mayhem and rooms/space/food/drink are at an absolute premium. This city has no idea what it is in for. These people are insane. They come from all over the world to get a perfect picture and they will murder you if you even talk to them during totality. People are just going to literally stop their cars on 183 for 20 minutes to watch and all your planning and bullshit will mean nothing. You will have 80,000 people all trying to get to the same place at the same time.
Then you will have 80,000 people all trying to leave at the same time. They won’t hang around and “shop on the square” and buy knick-knacks and shit to “support the local economy”. They are locusts. The just need to eat, drink, piss and sleep (maybe) and drain the gas station for the long drive home.
Think of the worst concert or sporting event you have ever been to. Maybe the Superbowl. Then multiply it by 10.
I’ve been there. I suggest you all load up on food, liquor, beer, gas and anything else by March 20th and plan on not being able to buy anything for 3 or 4 days without a massive hassle. It will be like a Covid lockdown.
I was gouged at all of these events, because there is essentially infinite demand from the lunatic eclipse chasers and there is limited supply of space/rooms/gas/beer/roads/restaurants.
It is simple economics – something Porkchop is quite ignorant of, because she has been a government employee her entire life.
But this time I get to be the gouger instead of the gougee. Nobody is going to rob me of that. Least of all a cretin like Kuehne.
This is a chance for EVERYONE in town (not just hotel and restaurant owners) to make a good buck and gouge the shit out of douchebags from New York, Chicago, Tokyo, London, etc. Kuehne can’t stand that. The government MUST get their cut.
Thankfully, new councilman Davis Keele put Porkchop in her place and said it wasn’t a priority! Good man. Looks like maybe we now have TWO non-goldfish on City council.
Just say NO to Kuehne’s money grab and liberal big government GREED.