Ahoy, ye scurvy dogs! We’ve got a whale sighting! Hubert Humpback Whale has surfaced from the briny deep! Ye may remember this blubberous behemoth from years past, matey!
Dildo Who Spent 40 Years Transforming From Human To Humpback Whale Suddenly Worried About His Health
Shiver me timbers! A harpoon is what that whale be needing! G’yarrr! Tis more whale than man! Heath Bishop be the whale’s REAL name. This lowly 7-Eleven clerk likes to be ranting and raving at “dumb Texas rednecks” like he got a real brain in that whale skull! G’yarrrr! Tis the funniest joke I’ve heard all over the Seven Seas, matey!!
And he’s back spewing his fat and nasty blowhole all over Lampasas County Breaking News:
Me first mate Russell Gibson is right as rain! Why don’t this monstrosity of a whale just swim like a fishy on out to the Pacific Ocean and leave us decent folks alone! In fact, Heath Bishop, ye massive pile of whale shit, I’ll pay many doubloons MYSELF to help ye move! That’s right! What say ye, ya slobberin fat pile of blubber?? Do we have a deal, matey?? I never be joking about things like this. Put up or shut up, ye blubbering fool.
G’yarrrrr! There is no dumber whale to be found in these parts! He even thinks AOC is a genius in our time and smarter than DeSantis, despite mountains of evidence to the contrary!
It’s foolish whales like this ye should be thankin for this morning’s 7.5% CPI print, matey! Ye dumb bastards! When did we allow these blubberous whales the right to vote! Their stupidity will send us all to Davey Jones’ locker, I tells ye!
