Dildo Who Spent 40 Years Transforming From Human To Humpback Whale Suddenly Worried About His Health

I found a new moron on Lampasas County Breaking News who immediately belongs up in the highest ranks of imbeciles with Haywood, Fitzharris and Johnson. His nom de plume is Hubert Humperdink…although a more fitting pseudonym would have been Hubert Humpback Whale.

His real name is Heath Bishop – and he is a morbidly obese 7-11 clerk.

I thought black was a slimming color?

Hubert is angry at you “plague rats” who want to breathe your “rotten lung air” all over him. He thinks you are selfish for not wanting to wear a dirty diaper over your mouth 10 hours a day. He cares about his health, as you can see from his photo ^^

Right on, Trenton!!

Hubert Humpback is right to be scared of Covid. He is morbidly obese. Morbid obesity is THE NUMBER ONE co-morbidity when it comes to dying with Covid.

How did Mister Humpback become this way? Did the Lard Fairy visit one night and turn Hubert into the grotesque apparition you see before you?

The face of George Costanza + the head of a glans penis + the body of a humpback = lady killer

Did you and I jam cupcakes, 64-oz sodas and Eve’s spaetzel wtih brown butter sauce into his mouth constantly over these last forty years? No. We did not. Mister Humpback did that to himself because he lacks willpower and self respect:

Not a plate. Not a bowl. Not even a trough. A BATHTUB. Talk about gluttony.

Humperdick thinks we are all ignorant rednecks for thinking masks aren’t worth a shit against a tiny aerosolized virus.

Doesn’t restrict breathing?? Wanna bet Humpback has a desk job and not a job waiting tables or stocking shelves?

Funny that Humpback thinks doctors are SUPER SMART but never listened to his own doctor over the last 40 years when he certainly told Humpback to drop about 120 pounds or he’d be in an early grave.

We ignorant rednecks understand intuitively that an aerosolized fart goes right through your underwear, your denim jeans and can easily be smelled by a person three feet away with or without a mask. That is because farts – like the coronavirus and cigarette smoke – are aerosolized and pass easily through fabrics. The egghead “genius” scientists are finally admitting the obvious:

CDC Now Admits Virus Is Airborne

Oh. You don’t say? Who woulda thunk it?

In short, Humperdick, if you are morbidly obese, slapping a mask on your face isn’t gonna help you. Get off the CDC website, take the mask off, and go outside to get some sunshine (vitamin D!) and take a walk, for crying out loud! America desperately needs to man up and stop acting like hysterical cowards.