Apologies for the long hiatus (look it up, Monica) but even constantly-ranting Lampasshole like me needs a vacation every now and then.
My suitcase was barely unpacked when I jumped on-line to see what our brilliant City Council members have been up to lately…and I was not disappointed.
Looking through the freshly-posted minutes from Oct 14th, I found a beautiful nugget. One that suggests the WORD IS OUT to smart, rich developers that the dummies in Lampasas government are so desperate for “growth” that they will literally hand out six-figure cash awards to EVERYONE. To wit [page 5]:
“Several meetings ago, Council was briefed regarding the redevelopment of the Santa Fe Depot to a restaurant and possible brewery. Although the tenants have not been identified by the developer [shocker…I doubt there are any yet], he has proceeded with construction plans, specification and bidding. Mister Hardin has also discussed the possible partnership with the City to fund a portion [is that like ‘cost sharing’??] of the right-of-way improvements including sidewalks and flatwork – which may be between $80,000 and $100,000.
Seems like $100,000 is the magic number to go begging to the City of Lampasas for. It is a huge chunk of money for most people, but also an amount The Seven Goldfish have proven repeatedly to hand out like Halloween candy to any schmuck who asks. Pope Eckermann is getting his for ‘business park development’….Deorald Finney is getting his in ‘free’ electrical hookups….S2M2 is getting theirs for a detention pond AND ‘free’ electrical hookups…Halff Associates is getting THEIR $120,000 for putting -up a survey on SurveyMonkey….the list goes on and on.
This Hardin guy must read the papers and figure “screw it – I’ll ask for free stuff too. This town is run by a drunken sailor and six goldfish”. Talk about shooting fish in a barrel, if you’ll pardon the pun.
So now the City is considering “partnerships” with restaurants and breweries? I must have missed that in our City Charter.
I had heard this moronic “craft brewery” rumor around town before – and I laughed my ass off. Anyone who thinks a “craft brewery” will fly in this town is clearly from another planet. This town is full of people who are constantly asking when the new Burger King will open or bleating loudly that we need a Long John Silvers, because that is the pinnacle of great seafood. These are the same people who will run across town mid-meal from Toupsie’s to Putters to save a nickel on a pound of crawfish.
The kind of people who tip $2 on a $35 dollar tab and then steal the salt shaker.
In short, it is a town filled with Lampassholes.
Good luck selling your fancy $8 craft beer. Lampassholes and craft beer go together like oil and water. There is no way in hell a sane businessman will recoup his massive capital investment in a brewery in Lampasas. It just won’t happen.
But get the dummies in the City government to start handing out $100,000 checks? Well, that certainly helps out the old business model, doesn’t it? I wonder how the owners of Schlotsky’s or Mojo Coffee feel about the City handing out massive checks to new businesses while they missed the gravy train themselves. Probably kicking themselves in the butt.
Just a tip for this Mr. Hardin developer guy: in order to ensure you get your free shit, make sure you hire FORMER CITY COUNCIL MEMBER “Greasy” Chris Harrison to go in there and beg to Misti. Then you are a shoo-in for the cash. Scumbag politicians are always for sale cheap and offer an outstanding ROI.