- Kingdom: Animalia
- Phylum: Chordata
- Class: Mamalia
- Order: Sirenia
- Family: Lampasicus ignoramus
- Genus: Moronicus
- Top speed: Four miles per hour fully charged
- Mating patterns: Surely you jest
- Range and habitat: well-worn path between home and grocery store
Many of you may be joining us from a Facebook mention….and I appreciate whoever drove thousands of viewers to this site, as my primary focus is waste and incompetence in local city government. The more people who read and learn about the shenanigans of local governance the better.
But I also consider this site to be educational. Some of you may also be new to the area, so I thought it would be nice to introduce you to some of the very bizarre creatures you may find roaming this part of Texas.
Above is a photo of a typical Boobus Lampasicanus in his native environment. Note the open mouth. This is the default position for this noisy creature – either for loudly spouting idiotic notions at town hall meetings or ingesting Krab Kingz food truck offerings during feeding hours.
This creature emits a warbling sound when excited…a babbling that sounds a lot like “civic CEN-ter….civic CEN-ter“. If approached, he will warble louder and drown out all other animals in the area. Scientists believe this may be a diversionary tactic. The Boobus may believe that if it repeats its nonsense loudly enough or often enough, others may listen to it and take it seriously.
Although not as intelligent as other domesticated animals like the dog or the pig, he has nonetheless been known to form rudimentary thoughts on Facebook by slapping the keyboard with his flipper-like appendages. His lack of dexterity and smarts leads to bizarre punctuation and random capitalization of letters. Almost as if he were trying to mimic real human thoughts. Like a monkey. Only much bigger.
Zoologist Clinton Hart Merriam has described the Boobus as a “slow-witted beast”.
Conservation: this species of Boobus is listed by the World Conservation Union as LC or “least concern” as the Boobus runs rampant in these parts. There is, unfortunately, no risk of extinction for this meddlesome pest.